this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] TxzK@lemmy.zip 102 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 2 years ago (3 children)
[–] munkinasack@lemmy.ml 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And breathing would be nice

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't know don't want to feel too picky

Besides, she could just be being friendly. You never know.

[–] GhostFence@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

*Elven women grumble on the sidelines*

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[–] Diplomjodler@feddit.de 68 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Now, I don't want to be too picky, but her being alive would be nice.

[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

> Hi mom, hi dad! Meet my gf [redacted]!

*whispering*

> Yes, she's a little bit dug up corpse, but don't say that around her: she's kinda sensitive about it.

(Stolen from a random video/podcast)

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

I also get upset when people say i look like a corpse,

Just because i am one doesn't mean you have to constantly point it out!

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

I mean, alive, consenting age, not Intellectually disable, not in a coma.. also, we all know can"t be fat

[–] eya@lemmy.dbzer0.com 44 points 2 years ago

Female (optional)

[–] SamLeeway@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] KpntAutismus@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

instance checks out

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 39 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Not even that. If they are just feminine thats enough for me

[–] ARk@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

furries have entered the chat

[–] ransomwarelettuce@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago
[–] DrownedRats@lemmy.world 26 points 2 years ago

Negotiable...

[–] callyral@pawb.social 20 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Meanwhile, here are my Garfield requirements:

  1. is an orange cat

  2. is funny

  3. is part of a comic strip called "Garfield"

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[–] 1984@lemmy.today 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

And girls have the opposite problem. Too many guys out there who are interested, but no way to know which ones are good.

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Being a straight man looking for a partner is like dying of thirst in a desert.

Being a straight woman looking for a partner is like dying of thirst at sea.

[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago

Is it because sea water is undrinkable?

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[–] volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Maybe the main problem is that the guys who are interested are solely interested because the girls require their one and only requirement of being, well, female.

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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

Preferably but negotiable.

[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Someone is being too picky...

[–] PeterPoopshit@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

You only date females? Wow that's a really offensive and insensitive thing to say. Also unrealistic, as this criteria blocks out half of all people. Prepare to get cancelled /s

[–] morgunkorn@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (6 children)

So closed-minded! I'm sure you could loosen a bit this criterium, think of all the cute cat-eared femboys available in your area.

edit: typo

[–] dlpkl@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago (4 children)

How is this different from a straight guy trying to seduce a lesbian?

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Call me crazy, but I think it was just a joke continuing along the lines of OPs "I'm not picky" joke, on a shitpost community, not a serious request to be OP's partner.

Like if I commented "eh if you're fine being less picky, I, Dave, can be your girlfriend", would I really be a weirdo sex pest like you're making out? Or would I just be someone having a joke on the internet?

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

That's fair, but there's also the context of some very aggressive "I can unstraighten you" peeps on the fediverse. Mostly femboys and trans women. They're all over blahaj.

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[–] dlpkl@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Definitely possible, but why would someone post a picture of themselves as the punchline? Out of millions of pictures they could have found online?

And yes, I reverse Google searched it and it was original lmao. I've put way too much effort into this

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I mean, why not? If they already have the picture on their phone anyway, or are lying down wearing them, it's probably more convenient than using somebody else's

I definitely don't think the person was genuinely propositioning OP.

I find it much more likely that they were messing around, same as everybody else here, and somebody took it seriously and got offended at the joke, as sometimes happens.

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[–] tkk13909@sopuli.xyz 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Same energy as a straight dude trying to 'fix' a lesbian.

[–] subwoofer@lemmy.gockandgum.party 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Bro we are in a shitposting community

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[–] Dasnap@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

This is what Arlo's legs actually look like.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 2 years ago

just below the camera it just instantly cuts to full-sized human legs wearing thigh-highs, mercifully the transition is hidden by the miniskirt

[–] DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

So what distro of Linux do you use?

[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

They are pretty good at hiding in my area.

Well something could certainly be loosened, and im not referring to the criterium

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Those requirements disclude many other options. You may want to reconsider.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 4 points 2 years ago

Contentious

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 2 years ago (2 children)

@Deceptichum@kbin.social knows how I feel about girlfriends.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Rofl this is the 3rd time I've seen you two snipe at each other, it's petty as hell and I love it

[–] rayquetzalcoatl@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Why? What do they know? :o

[–] wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Girlfriends have a poor ROI. No serious financial advisor would recommend having a girlfriend in your portfolio.

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