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I have constant stress/fixation over a costly fuckup I made (don't really want to get into specifics) and its just compounding my existing depression and dread over the state of the world. I'm just miserable every moment of every day and feel like I can't enjoy anything. I'm at the lowest I've felt in a long time and I'm so afraid of the future, I'm afraid this is never going to get better. The only thing that actually makes me feel normal and joyful again is drinking but I can't do that a ton due to health issues. I used to smoke some weed but lately that's been making my stress worse so I've had to quit that. I feel so trapped and hopeless. I don't want to talk to anyone in my life about this because I hate feeling like a burden to others and I don't think it will help my situation at all and it'll make me feel like I've lost control even though I know I've already lost control. I wish I could just run away from everything and find peace somehow away from all this. Things don't have to be perfect because they're never going to be perfect in this hellworld but I just don't want to be completely miserable. Idk what else to do so I'm venting to Hexbear. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this before I completely break