this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

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English Kings named Charles and dying due to their own stubbornness - name a better duo.

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[–] Parzivus@hexbear.net 75 points 2 years ago (4 children)
[–] MorelaakIsBack@hexbear.net 67 points 2 years ago

mine are too strong for you, traveler

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 37 points 2 years ago

roll 2d4+con

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[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 67 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

We're in fucking 1320 motherfucker.

The King is ailing and needs herbs and potions to keep him alive. The taxes are going up and your children are being requisitioned by the Crown.

But also critical support to the king and the pepto bismol he thinks will help.

[–] footfaults@hexbear.net 52 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] Tachanka@hexbear.net 50 points 2 years ago

feudal holdover believes in potions, more at 11

[–] ButtBidet@hexbear.net 46 points 2 years ago

Wow so Charles banknotes are gonna be a rarity in a few years.

[–] FumpyAer@hexbear.net 46 points 2 years ago

Critical support to the King in his desire to off himself by refusing the finest medical treatment in the world.

[–] Utter_Karate@hexbear.net 44 points 2 years ago

Would his majesty be interested in the traditional royal treatment of being fed a solution of powdered lead and mercury (the royal metal!) by some kind of court appointed alchemist/astrologer?

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 35 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Chemotherapy is fucking awful and I understand why someone might not want to do it, and these days there might be alternatives, specially if you have the resources of the British monarchy.

At any rate, I hope the cancer wins.

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

Norm MacDonald may be shitty but he did manage to be funny so to paraphrase 'really the best cancer can hope for is a draw '

[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 32 points 2 years ago

idk, critical support to the king for slowly and painfully killing himself unnecessarily.

He's going to break out the leaches, isn't he.

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago

the person playing Crusader Kings on this family clearly decided it was time to get a younger king on the throne

[–] gramxi@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago

you do you king 🦀🦀🦀

[–] DyingOfDeBordom@hexbear.net 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

isn't he like 98 years old or some shit, like at some point I feel like you gotta do the math and figure out if fucking up all the cellular replication in your body and all the consequent fun side effects of that is worth getting rid of a cancer that might not even kill you for another 5+ years

anyway hope he does the chemo and dies anyway fuck im

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 40 points 2 years ago (2 children)

75 so younger than both Biden and Trump.

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 30 points 2 years ago

christ alive everything is so bad lmao

[–] mar_k@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

Damn and Liz died at 96/ Phillip at 99, if he lives as long his parents (very doubtful) he'd be king til 2045-2050

[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm as happy about a king dying as the next guy but I can't help hoping that his mortal husk keeps going for a bit longer. A dead king is not worth much when they just make a new and younger guy king.

The good thing about prince Charles being king is that he is so old and decrepit, there's no risk of him breathing new life into the monarchy or becoming popular. The current king is an embarrassment to the British state which is good and funny. I don't know about the next guy in line other than that he's probably an unlikable posh asshole but he looks reasonably lifelike and the propaganda apparatus might be able to construct a cult of personality around him.

[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

This.

If Charles dies, William would become king. William is in his 40s and is tactful and very well respected, especially by the libs. If there's anyone who could keep up the optics of the monarchy like his grandmother did, it's him. We would have 45 more years of wholesome 100 state parasite.

[–] axont@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago

Hear ye hear ye our King hath consul from the finest Apothecary in all the lands. A great many tinctures and potions shall restore our great monarch

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago

pizza-dance hope it hurts.

[–] Beaver@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago
[–] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

fuck yeah kingo do a flip

[–] mar_k@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago (1 children)

My guess is that at the moment he's taking advice from a man called Michael Dixon, who he's championed for many years, has headed his own natural alternative medicinal institute

Looking into this dude just keeps getting better and better lmfao, Charles made him "head of the Royal Medical Household"

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[–] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago
[–] jackmarxist@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago
[–] Lerios@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago

CRITICAL SUPPORT TO PRINCE CHARLES IN HIS WAR AGAINST PRINCE CHARLES lets-fucking-go party-sicko

[–] Great_Leader_Is_Dead@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago (7 children)

At his age is chemo really worth it? I kinda feel like I'd forgo it myself, just focus on enjoying what's left rather than spend years puking my guts out.

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[–] CarbonScored@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago

Since when do we quote and believe anything the great bullshitter and white supremacist Nigel Farage says? He even admits he's just talking out his ass in the same breath.

[–] Elon_Musk@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago (3 children)

It's arse cancer. He's 100% shoving herbs and potions up.his arse

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[–] Redcuban1959@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

I guess he really wants to die lol

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

herbs and potions

Quick, anyone in the Church of England got Lay on Hands?

[–] HexBroke@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

CW: sort of a rape joke

[–] Teekeeus@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Out of curiosity how did charles ii die? I know the OG king charles died of a minor body part separation

[–] ProfessorAdonisCnut@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

Seizures, probably from kidney failure. The more interesting thing with him was all the human skull he consumed as medicine trying to treat it.

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[–] Goadstool@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Didn't know my brother was medical advisor to the king

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

gbnews, as a source for anything, is as reliable as your nan's facebook

[–] FuckyWucky@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Tbf he does love alt "medicine" (sugar pills)

Whether he was just grifiting or if he truly believes it who knows.

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

i'm wishcasting he shoves fruit juice up his ass instead of getting actual treatment

[–] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Mine is pretty solid. She says happy birthday on everyone's birthday and that's all. Honestly THE source for when her friends list's birthdays are

[–] save_vs_death@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

genuinely heartwarming, love your nan

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[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago
[–] pooh@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Is it too early to get the crabs out???

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