At 53 with a partner and two kids, I am currently in deep, deep depression wishing that I’d married the girl I split up with at 24.
this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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no shame in therapy if you haven't been
I’ve been for other issues but it’s more or less all the same: “pull yourself together, stop XYZ”
oof
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Met my wife in highschool and got married right out of college. We are now pushing 40 and are still happy and content. We were lucky, we grew together and in similar ways, but we also just knew when we knew. We even had twins a few years back and even the stress of that didn't destroy us.
We (hopefully) still have many years together and maybe things will break down, but, so far, neither of us regret marrying so young.
I don't think ppl getting married is wierd before 24 risky sure. Having kids before 24 is crazy. Like 2 years in workforce at minimum. Barely time to be able an adult before a parent.
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While I also feel it is weird, I strongly believe marrying kids (<18) should be illegally nationally with no exceptions. I have personally witnessed lives destroyed.
Putting arbitrary numbers on people to measure their matureness is weird to me.
There are 15 year old people who are wiser and more mature than a lot with 50.
You can't know without knowing the person.
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Yeah! Just be with them for 15 years dragging your feet like a normal person!
At that age I was only interested in gaming. Don't know how people have the facility to form long term relationships
Lol for me all people who marry are weird why draw the line at a certain age
No one knows what they want for the rest of their lives when they're 34 anymore than 24. Same for 44, 54, etc. we're all figuring this shit out together.
But I'll pose another hot take:
Marriage is stupid in general. Pledging to commit your life to another person is stupid, and you don't need a church or government to recognize your commitment. If you end up hating each other somewhere down the road (which is likely) there's no sense in continuing to torture each other. It's not good for anyone. Get divorced? Well then what was the point of getting married in the first place? It's supposed to be a lifelong commitment.
I'm not a "stay together for the kids" kind. But if you do have kids, I think you need to try and work shit out, get professional help, etc. Before giving up and destroying everyone's life.
“Baby, this relationship is so good I want to get the government involved”
Married at 23. Met my husband at 18 on a dating app, was supposed to be a quickie. He's just that charming, and I love him lol.
As people wait longer to marry over the generations, the divorce rate has increased and level of "happiness" has declined.
Causation yadda yadda yadda. You still can't actually disprove its why.
The divorce rate among millennials is decreasing in the US compared to earlier generations. That said, reducing it to how long people are waiting to marry ignores a lot of other factors. For instance, low income couples are more likely to never marry, their relationships are less stable, and if they do get married they are more likely to get divorced.
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I could see that. As somebody who met my wife in my teens, I never lived on my own except in a dorm room. If I had a decade of the bachelor life first, I think I would have a very different perspective. I would have a different living arrangement to compare with.
As it is, my married life seems like the default. There’s no “it’s better/worse for this reason.” And obviously things are going well. It’s not like you should stick with a shit relationship just because it’s all you know. Unfortunately I think that happens way too often.
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I don't trust anybody that isn't a wizard.