Asklemmy

One thing to consider: you feel like not being able to reply means the other person “won.” You didn’t mention the context of the discussion, but I find that approaching most conversations like that (win/lose), you’re already too involved. Conversations, debates, etc. are ways we exchange thoughts and ideas. Winning vs losing implies you think you are right and the other person is wrong. If that’s the case, why bother with the convo at all?

The likelihood that you will convince the other pererson they are wrong is very low, especially when you approach it thinking they are wrong. Instead, approach it trying to learn the ins and outs of their argument. Ask questions that make the person really think about their position. People change their own minds. You can’t force them or do it for them.

Someone who withdraws from a discussion and blocks a person didn't "win", they ran, and deserve to be ignored.

In this specific case, I’d say he admitted defeat by blocking you.

Take a deep breath. In these 5 seconds you might feel very upset at this user, and if it's something that really triggers you it might ruin your next 5 minutes or 5 hours.

In 5 days, will you really care about whatever this user had to say that got you upset? Not really right? Let alone in your next 5 weeks, months or years, this will fade to nothing but a mere trifling squabble. You have better things in life to think and be excited about and worse things in life to worry over.

My advice for something you recognize making you irrationally upset, is try to transport the "How you feel about it in 5 days" into your present mindset so that will give you better perspective.

Just out of curiosity: Why do you ask that quesion every few days?

I can't help you with this in the general sense... but trust me, if they block you, you won. That's a full retreat on their part.

A stranger's opinion shouldn't hold so much worth.

The reason your mind refuses to accept things you can’t change is that there are aspects of t that you can change.

For example, you have a tendency to get caught up in online arguments. You can change that if you want to.

The way to accept the things you can’t change is to carefully separate them from the things you can change, then commit to changing the things you can.

When something is bothering you, don’t just assume your perception of what’s bothering you is correct. In this case you think it’s the other person’s behavior that’s bothering you, but there’s a component to this that is from you, and you can change that.

It’s like you’re asking how to throw away some chicken bones “when there’s nothing left to eat”, but the thing you’re trying to throw away still has some meat on it. It is the meat, not the bones, that is tugging at your mind.

There's actually an astonishing amount of good advice for this type of issue in the last thread you posted - and I note you haven't particularly engaged in discussion there.

As for this, it's not an issue of thin skin, and people who would tell you to get a thicker skin are generally not worth your time.

Figuring out why you feel the way you feel is a great first step to creating plans to change what you can change, and mitigating the core issue. Spend time with your thoughts and just "be mindful". We are biological machines, whenever your body has extreme reactions to things, it's trying to tell you something. You need to learn to figure out what it's telling you, so you can give it what it needs :)

Good luck.

You're at this from the complete opposite of the right angle.

Your reaction is emotional and thus you need to face the emotion and dig at its cause. Emotions aren't bound by rationality but they're the core of the human experience, to try and suffocate away emotion you don't find rational is a sure way to never find happiness.

You felt hurt, why? Why was this argument important to you? Did you feel anything more than hurt? Can you guess at why you felt like you felt?

Feelings are never right or wrong, they just are and will be no matter what you think of them. So you need to accept and acknowledge their existence and learn to understand them, to coexist with them, because they are you. Even more so than your skill in reasoning, your rationality.

Very relatable yet very brave to talk to the „local pub“ about such a private matter.

I have circles I discuss such matters with:

1. wife, closest friends, therapist - matters that make me feel very triggered because they know how to get me down
2. friends, closed or niche chat rooms to talk about my stuff in general. Often not with clearname but still somewhat private matters
3. open spaces (lemmy, reddit, forums). Stuff that does not trigger me so as to not spiral out of control if a troll finds me there

Coming to the problem:

Having someone put in the last word and blocking you is actually very petty and a last resort if someone got triggered themselves. I‘d say it is dumb but I have to say I did so myself if someone was very rude.

Try to think of it like this:

• this person does not know you so their judgement does not concern you
• if they said mean things and blocked they‘re probably very young and didn’t know how to help themselves
• thinking in winning and losing is not helpful at all. You should instead try to learn and help others to learn. Its not important who has done „better“ in a discussion

Btw getting triggered normally is evidence that something has hurt you in the past and not the current interaction is hurting you but it reminded you of a situation where you were hurt. You can try to solve it by speaking about these things with your therapist or close/reflected friends.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you good luck.

Try to imagine where they’re coming from, their perspective or situation which could potentially lead to their point of view.

I think you're approaching this in the right way. You know that logically it's not worth your time to dwell on something you can't change, but knowing that doesn't change how you feel about it, because feelings aren't rational.

You can't make the feelings go away, but you can find a better way to express them. You came here because you needed to talk about your feelings, and that's a good start, although in general the internet makes a poor therapist. I would recommend starting a journal, either on paper, in text, or using a voice recorder, whatever feels most natural. Journals are good listeners.

Pay attention to yourself. Allow yourself to recognize your emotions, and how they affect your body. Listen to your breathing. Put a finger on your wrist and try to feel your pulse. Take a moment to be aware of your hunger, your thirst, your aches and pains, and how all of them feed back into your emotions. Work with your emotions, not against them.

I actually ran into something similar recently. To me, the point of accepting the things you cannot change is inevitable. It may hurt in the moment, but so long as you recognize it as something you cannot change it will quickly slip away. It's in the past already, flowing into the distance on this stream of time.

I think the only issue is figuring out what to recognize as something you cannot change. People run into problems when they refuse to acknowledge something is out of control and chase after it.

I run. Once I get about a mile in, I can think about these kinds of interactions or generally anything stressful without emotion. It’s like thinking in the shower, but I’m channeling negativity toward a healthy activity. It helps a lot.

Meditation might help. Search for a good “radical acceptance” guided meditation audio or read a blog about it and just close your eyes and think on it.

Go outside. Pet an animal. Play in the snow if you have any. Get coffee with a friend. Etc.

To say we must accept what we cannot change isn't technically false but it's an enormous oversimplification. Some people are dealt permanent cards in life, ones that they cannot change, but although one might argue this is a boulder/obstacle we must build a path around, the path can still challenge peoples' humanity. To say "accept what you cannot change" has the second implication of applying expectations to someone dealt extra limitations by their circumstances, trying to dismiss any burden of accommodation. I believe in the doctrine "help people (who) help themselves (trying the best one can do)".

You need to get out more man

This guy S_20xxxxxxx has a holier than thou comment ranting about the "assholes from reddit being pieces of shit on lemmy", ironically, on a thread about people being aggressive on lemmy.

A few hours later, he replies to some comments of mine - every single one of them makes him sound more unhinged than the last.

I went through his comment history and his comments swing between these two extremes of being preachy and being unhinged. I decided that blocking him and moving on was better for my sanity than continuing to engage.

There's no point in engaging with such people, do what's best for you, and move on. Cheers! :)

I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to contribute. But I just wanted to say that I've been there and will probably be there again in the future. So I 100% understand what you're feeling right now. I'll be reading the comments as well. Good luck, friend.

I'm the same and it can be really difficult to deal with. The easiest ways I found are to, either, write it down or say it out loud to my girlfriend (as in, she knows it's difficult for me and is willing to just listen to me rant to empty my mind). Works most of the time.