this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2023
411 points (95.2% liked)

Off My Chest

1405 readers
93 users here now

RULES:


I am looking for mods!


1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.

2. Bigotry is not allowed. That includes racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, and religiophobia. (If you want to vent about religion, that's fine; but religion is not inherently evil.)

3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.

4. Posts and comments that bait, threaten, or incite harassment are not allowed.

5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.

6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn't welcome in this community anymore...oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.

I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.

And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!

Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I'm not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like "you're getting a free vacation" and "how many opportunities like this are you going to get" and "we tried our best to accommodate you."

My wife also didn't want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it's free, let's give it a fair shake.

Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I'm writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we'll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.

My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they're also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they're already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying "We're at Senor Frogs." I did not get "We're going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?"

I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn't ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother's kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn't want. I wouldn't feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.

I'm just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn't rock because it's on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I'm wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won't feel ashamed of being different. I didn't ask to be this way.

Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I'm done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We're over the hill. We'll be home soon, and I will never do this again.

(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Maybe they got a deal on an 8-pack?

I'm sorry it wasn't your thing. You likely find yourself preferring to spend more and more time at home. Many know the feeling of being "convinced" to do things that are outside of their comfort.

You could always go full petty and coerce the family to do things that you really like that they hate.

[–] AlexWIWA@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

I went on a free cruise and just felt guilty the whole time because I know how the staff are treated.

[–] xkforce@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Appreciating what? That your parents guilt tripped you into going on a cruise you never wanted? You aren't a child, you are an adult. You need to learn how to say no or they will keep doing this.

[–] ares35@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

just wait til the parents hold this over their heads... "we paid for that wonderful cruise you two went on.. now name your first born after my dear aunt eunice uvula. you owe us that much."

[–] tburkhol@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

My family and I also have vastly different notions of what constitutes a good time. It can be hard for people who really enjoy a thing - especially a popular thing - that some people just don't. Sometimes you do have to compromise a little on your own comfort to build and maintain family bonds; hopefully it goes both ways, and they'll join you for quiet time with puzzles (or whatever) some other time. Maybe you can all have some family quiet time in cabins while the ship is underway, then let them go do their loud crowded things in port, but it sounds like it's just time to chalk this up to tried it; not going again. Good on ya, giving it a fair try.

I've told my fam the things I don't want to go along for and why, and they (mostly) remember and don't ask again. Even if you're family, it doesn't mean you have to do everything together. I'm careful to tell them when it's a one-time no vs a categorical refusal, and sometimes they do stuff that bores them because I like it.

Like my nephew agreeing to sit through one more episode of Young Sheldon so my niece will play Monopoly with him.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

It sounds like you don't like crowds. If so, that's understandable. They can be overwhelming and uncomfortable.

[–] Klanky@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Our family has never tried to drag us on a cruise, but I feel like this would me and my wife almost to a T. I do not get cruises at all, besides maybe Alaskan cruises. I’d much rather go to a country and visit it for real, not just go to some touristy resort.

[–] bluGill@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

Alaska is my favorite cruise. The view of glacers and mountins is great. The town you stop in not worth it, the sea days are not to miss.

[–] HeartyBeast@kbin.social 3 points 2 years ago

Make sure you book your parents a bungee jumping experience- if they would hate it.

I went on a Caribbean cruise once. I learned that Americans will still stack their plates at a buffet as if it will run out, rush to be the first in line to wait for anything, and gawk at the poverty put on display.

[–] Yaztromo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to Cozumel, and while the town is cute and can be fun for an afternoon when it’s not packed with cruise ship denizens (as it would have been for you), it’s the other quieter parts of the island which is where the island really shines. You two could have rented some motor scooters (or taken a taxi — it’s only something like 30km from the cruise ship terminal) and headed out to the south eastern corner of the island and chilled out at Rastas and Freedom in Paradise, or just upped your tan in peace over along the kilometres of quiet beaches on the east coast along the C-1. Or maybe you two could have arranged to take a dive lesson — Cozumel is surrounded by some of the best tropical reef systems in North America.

I get that you and your wife weren’t fond of being on the cruise in the first place (as a natural introvert it’s not really my idea of a dream vacation either TBH), but when you had your one chance to get off and find some space and peace, you stayed on the cruise ship. That’s a lack of trip planning, and that part is on you IMO.

So if you find yourself in a situation like this again, post in a suitable travel sub with you and your wife’s preferences and get some suggestions — well before you leave. And avoid cruising next time — being on a boat that vomits out a thousand people all into the same small town isn’t usually the best recipe for fun — especially for more introverted people like us. HTH!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 1 points 2 years ago

Unwanted favors are the worst

[–] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 1 points 2 years ago

I don't like them either. Also, cruises are also terrible for the environment. Burning bunker fuel to drag your entire hotel and more around on your vacation is incredibly wasteful.

[–] Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

You're quirky, but if they love you, they should respect and accommodate your quirks.

[–] CandyRushSweetest@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Reminds me of the time when I was a kid where my mom and ex-stepdad wanted us to go on a helicopter on vacation. The second I saw it, I didn’t wanna go. I didn’t know what to expect and I was terrified. I don’t like going way up in the air. I complained until they eventually took me away from the place. I had a firm no against my narcissistic “parents” lol

[–] blazera@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (2 children)

what is up with cruises now? I've heard at least a dozen people going on their first cruise this month, having never hearing anyone personally going on one before now

[–] wahming@monyet.cc 1 points 2 years ago

It's a sign you're getting old 🧓

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›