this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2023
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

Rule 1: All posts must include links to the subject matter, and no identifying information should be redacted.

Rule 2: If your source is a reactionary website, please use archive.is instead of linking directly.

Rule 3: No sectarianism.

Rule 4: TERF/SWERFs Not Welcome

Rule 5: No ableism of any kind (that includes stuff like libt*rd)

Rule 6: Do not post fellow hexbears.

Rule 7: Do not individually target other instances' admins or moderators.

Rule 8: The subject of a post cannot be low hanging fruit, that is comments/posts made by a private person that have low amount of upvotes/likes/views. Comments/Posts made on other instances that are accessible from hexbear are an exception to this. Posts that do not meet this requirement can be posted to !shitreactionariessay@lemmygrad.ml

Rule 9: if you post ironic rage bait im going to make a personal visit to your house to make sure you never make this mistake again

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[–] JamesConeZone@hexbear.net 63 points 2 years ago (4 children)
[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 38 points 2 years ago

ayyyy im absolving da sins of humanity ova heaaa

jews were invented in the 19th century by racist political cartoonists

[–] Ho_Chi_Chungus@hexbear.net 50 points 2 years ago (1 children)

who cares. us REAL adults are asking the REAL questions. like what hogwarts house did jesus belong to?

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)
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[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 43 points 2 years ago (2 children)

NGL the tweetback saying he was Ukrainian is pretty funny even if it’s a NATO kool-aid drinking account.

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 35 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I've seen ukraninan nationalists who unironically believe this and it is really funny

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

What, they think ancient Stone Age Ukrainians came down and settled the Levantine thousands of years ago?

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I don't know the specifics, but there are ukraninan nationalists who think that ukraine is the origin of all culture and civilization

[–] huf@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago

the absolute funniest ones are always the foreigners who seemingly pick a country at random and join these weirdo movements of theirs.

there's an italian linguistics professor who insists hungarian is etruscan, which lines up super well with some strains of our weirdos.

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That’s, so inaccurate it’s almost impressive

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 20 points 2 years ago

there is a lot of fascinating nationalist crankery in eastern europe. Another one(and my personal favourite) is fomenko's new chronology

[–] huf@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago (1 children)

that's normal for europeans though. there's always a fringe in every european country that thinks jesus was from that country.

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

You're right but I've seen a huge rise of this in ukraine since 2014

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Jesus is Brazilian and I won't accept it any other way

[–] silent_water@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago

Jesus was clearly American, SIR

[–] DefinitelyNotAPhone@hexbear.net 34 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Little known fact: Jesus Christ was a signatory on the Treaty of Westphalia which established the modern western concept of nationhood. Incidentally, he is legally Hamburgian.

[–] Bobson_Dugnutt@hexbear.net 21 points 2 years ago

Hamburger Jesus grilled for your sins grillman

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

Free Imperial Jesus

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No concept of "nationality" then. He was a Jew born in the lands of Palestine which was split up into I think 3 kingdoms at the time administered by different Romans. That's it.

The modern concept of nationhood did not exist and borders weren't solid lines either.

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Technically one was administered by a Jewish puppet king, but Jesus didn't live there (except possibly for his birth but being born in Bethlehem is not consistent in the gospels)

[–] Awoo@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

but being born in Bethlehem is not consistent in the gospels

This sounds interesting, I haven't heard it before or if I have I forgot about it. What are the differences?

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago

So Mark and John don't really deal with the Nativity, and seem to assume Jesus had always lived in Nazareth.

Matthew thinks Joseph lived in Bethlehem, had to flee from Herod to Egypt, and came back to live in Nazereth.

Luke squares the circle by saying Joseph lived in Nazareth but had to travel to Bethlehem for a census, after which they just went home

On balance I'd say this means there is an early tradition of a Bethlehem nativity and Luke and Matthew obtained that from different sources. But then Mark is the earliest gospel and while John probably wasnt written by John the writers have a more direct apostolic connection.

[–] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

The only right answer is:

Jesus Christ lived in Palestine among the Jewish community of the country.

If you can guess who said this and when, I'll reply with a bunch of weird hexbear emotes.

Also the complete lack of theological knowledge in that twitter thread is embarrassing, bible quotes and all. Do they even know why the Jews rejected Jesus Christ as the Messiah and why he was no longer "King of the Jews" after his resurrection? Have any of these people actually read the Bible outside of the 5 sentences their pastor chooses to focus on every Sunday?

The reason why Jews reject Jesus Christ is quite simple. They believe that when the Messiah comes, he will organize His Kingdom on the earth, eternity will begin and time will end. Jews do not believe that people can bring about this just world before the end of time. However, the Messiah has not yet come, so we are still awaiting the end of time from a Jewish perspective.

However, from a Christian perspective, the message of Christ through his death and resurrection is quite clear, and a radical break from Judaism: the Kingdom of God is not on this earth and never will be. The reason the Son of God was defeated on the Earth and crucified, then resurrected to absolve humanity of their sins, is obviously because it was never the intention of the Christian God to establish His Kingdom on this Earth. Thus from a Jewish perspective, Jesus Christ is not the Messiah and the Jews are right not to recognize Him as such. Jesus can no longer be "King of The Jews" as there has been a radical departure from the Jewish theology. He no longer fulfills their criteria for being the Messiah.

[–] JamesConeZone@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

the Kingdom of God is not on this earth and never will be. The reason the Son of God was defeated on the Earth and crucified, then resurrected to absolve humanity of their sins, is obviously because it was never the intention of the Christian God to establish His Kingdom on this Earth

At least as it's portrayed in the gospels, Jesus very clearly was establishing the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. That's one of Matthew's central theses: the kingdom of heaven has drawn near (Matt 4:17), we are to pray as Jesus did that God's will be done on earth as in heaven, and Jesus' return will see the fulfillment of the kingdom on earth.

[–] JohnBrownsBussy2@hexbear.net 26 points 2 years ago

Serb. Next question.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

https://www.bethlehem-city.org/en/history-of-bethlehem

A decree of Caesar Augustus, ordering the taking of a census in all the provinces of the Roman Empire, brought Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, thus fulfilling the prophecy of Micah, spoken 750 years before: "And thou, Bethlehem Ephrata, art a little one among the thousands of Juda: out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be the ruler of his people"(Mikha 5:2). When Jesus was born in Bethlehem,  Herod the Great was a vassal of Rome and in 6 AD Palestine was incorporated in the imperial province of Syria.

A Jewish Syrian from Palestine in the Empire of Rome. assad-pogger

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[–] 420stalin69@hexbear.net 20 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

“Not Palestinian” repeatedly stated blissfully unaware his closest living relatives, most genetically similar extant humans, are most likely Palestinians, Lebanese, and some Syrians with some more distantly related folk who took a detour via Europe.

[–] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

"No you don't understand, Jesus was a super tall white dude with long hair and a beard! That's how he looks like in all the artwork and depictions at the church!"

We've got the American Jesus everybody, bolstering national faith!

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Jesus was friends with this guy

[–] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Lmao how have I never seen this before.

Could you imagine if another religion became the dominant force in the west? Imagine white depictions of other deities...

[–] blobjim@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

this is why depictions of the prophet Muhammad aren't allowed.

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Ever since I read about that hideous Touchdown Jesus statue burning down, that's what I picture every time I hear this song. You could literally see him on the interstate. It's too perfect.

[–] BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

TFW you send a clear sign that your followers are on the wrong path when you strike their statue with lightning, and, instead of changing their carnal ways, they just rebuild the statue.

[–] booty@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

It was destroyed by a lightning strike and subsequent fire

What the fuck more do you need, guys? God says it sucks

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[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago

nah man. Jesus' closest living relative is Blake from Brooklyn settler

[–] booty@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

Everyone knows that Jesus founded America in the year 1200 BC

[–] Crowtee_Robot@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago

Jesus was a member of the Rhythm Nation.

[–] context@hexbear.net 15 points 2 years ago
[–] Frank@hexbear.net 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Fuck if I know. Chaldea-Frisian?

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

meme answer: he was a roman subject

serious answer: nationality is a modern invention and makes no sense when talking about 1st century CE Judaea

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

Who was the king at the time? It's not Herodotus or Hasmodean, but it's definitely an H bc he tried to spawn camp Josh. i remember that part.

[–] TankieTanuki@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

Zeta Reticuli posad

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

Jesus was Pleiadian

A traveler from the stars sent to teach us how to make meals from bread and fish

[–] M68040@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago
[–] rootsbreadandmakka@hexbear.net 7 points 2 years ago

jesus was definitely armenian

[–] CrimsonSage@hexbear.net 5 points 2 years ago
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