Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Move fast and break things.
Merge vulnerabilities.
Double the work.
Merge code without tests.
Anything, but don't let code become stale.
Having a hard time determining whether this is sarcasm or not. Then I see the phrase "JavaScript Engineer" and become doubly confused.
I don't think it's satire, this guy is actively defending this on Linkedin: https://i.imgur.com/SlJPG85.png
I distinguish four types. There are clever, hardworking, stupid, and lazy officers. Usually two characteristics are combined. Some are clever and hardworking; their place is the General Staff. The next ones are stupid and lazy; they make up 90 percent of every army and are suited to routine duties. Anyone who is both clever and lazy is qualified for the highest leadership duties, because he possesses the mental clarity and strength of nerve necessary for difficult decisions. One must beware of anyone who is both stupid and hardworking; he must not be entrusted with any responsibility because he will always only cause damage.
-- Kurt von Hammerstein
LinkedIn is Facebook for that last type.
That's a relief because I thought I'd stumbled into LinkedIn Lunatics for a hot second.
Linkedin is for lunatics. Just a bunch of goobers giving digital handjobs to each other.
I think the latter makes clear that this is a joke account, doesn’t it?
Node: "Am I a joke to you?"
Yes.
Yes.
Having to go through the process of merging hurts morale and slows performance. Give everyone on your team the right to force push to master.
Yes, especially the newbies who don't know what they're doing.
Keep everyone awake and on their toes.
You're not truly part of the team until you cause a massive outage.
New employees are responsible of at least 75℅ of documentation clarification and process overhaul.
I really wish LinkedIn would add an anonymous cringe emoji. I would use it on like 90% of the content on that site.
I'm having a hard time figuring out whether this guy is a fucking moron or a fucking idiot.
No integration is as continuous as editing in prod.
Unironically worked for a company that did this. Don't test it, don't even run it, just put it in prod.
Amateur. You want real performance? Code in prod. Literally could not be better for collaboration to have the whole team working directly from production servers. Best part? You get INSTANT feedback.
What does "stale code" even mean in this context?
Does that mean it falls behind stable? Just merge stable into your branch; problem solved.
Or is this just some coded language for "people aren't adopting my ideas fast enough". Stop bitching and get good.
I just commit directly to master with auto-deploy like a real cowboy, yee-haw!
My old boss (at a sturtup with some ten ppl) loved to do this. When you’re done with your work, merge to master. Boss-man would then revert the commits if he didn’t like the result. Since the branches all were merged, no-one knew what was actually in prod. Fun times.
If somebody actually did that it would be grounds for removing their privileges to merge into master. THIS, THIS is why the JavaScript ecosystem has gotten so bad, people with mentalities similar to his.
'i help JavaScript engineers become framework architects by getting them forcibly reassigned.'
I dunno but xtreme programming sounds like something straight outta Musk's wettest teenage day dreams.
Better yet just edit files live on prod from Notepad (not plus plus) over Samba for "xtreme moral" boost
Developers: "Move fast and break things."
Things: break
Developers: surprised Pikachu face
This is why I include those preservative libraries in my projects. My code doesn't go stale for a whole three weeks longer.
This is satire, right? Surely no one would put their name on that publicly?
Like someone working in a kitchen boasting about a life hack of not wasting time with hygiene.
Bet you $50 we later learn this guy was orchestrating a supply chain attack.
I help JavaScript engineers become framework A...
ssholes.
What in the shit is "xtreme programming"?
it's NewGame+ for when you 100% programming
Fuck you guys are getting progress??
That would certainly explain some things in the nodejs culture.
If you’re working in a context where it’s okay to make mistakes so long as they get fixed later, you’re not working on anything important.
Honestly that's okay. That's how most of the games industry works and you know what? I sleep very well knowing that none of my code is actively hurting people. I do likely have some code in some defense simulator from my work on squad but so be it. Overall I make toys. Works of art and as long as the bugs are caught it really doesn't matter when. As long as it's before release. Even then you can just work at Bethesda and just never fix them no matter what.
Before everyone loses their minds, in Extreme Programming there are safeguards other than PR reviews. Before you submit a PR, you are supposed to have written the tests and to have written your code with pair programming, so your code already has some safety measures in place. On top of that, when you merge and deploy, more tests are run, and only if all of them are green do your changes go into production.
LinkedIn "influencers" are insufferable, dear god
this made my heart rate go up a little bit in a way that doesn't feel good
Kinda acceptable if you have a slow release cadence. Everything needs to be reviewed and fixed/accepted (with defect/US raised) before production though.
Needs to be in a smaller team with decent Devs too though!
It’s insane to me that gitflow won over TBD and Continuous Integration to the point that this is now considered an extreme position. Not all projects are open source with many remote collaborators.
Nothing improves morale like the on-call having to unfuck production for the third time that hour because mUh VeLoCiTy decided code review and testing in CI was too slow.
Techbros are fucking cultists.
What if instead of continuous integration we had continuous Disintegration, where you code while listening to The Cure on repeat
