this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2026
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voice training – i guess i like it? (discuss.tchncs.de)
submitted 1 day ago by phr@discuss.tchncs.de to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
11 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

well i know, that's a weird flex. honestly i wanted to post something that is not related to the desastrous family visit over easter. i wrote pages about what i learned there and what i feel, but nothing that is close to be ready for sharing. on the other hand, i need to yap these memories away. heeeere we go! :3

what i like

my trainer. he. is. the. cutest. guy. on. this. planet. i feel super safe with him i am even comfortable to explore dysphoricly deep voices with him. he is very warm and caring. that helps a lot. i started in the third session already to talk to him about the situations, i tend to fall into male patterns, and how that stems from my anxieties. since he is gay, we can discuss such internslised misogyny/homophobia very deeply i feel.

also i like that there is a place in which i can try out voices, modulations and stuff, with someone who gives great advice on that. i finally get challenged to try out these new characters. i wouldn't have had the audacity otherwise.

i even like the daily practice, though it's awkward and even a bit embarassing. i don't have the power to practise every day extensively, but i try to do at least a little, even on busy days.

what i don't like

i am still super bad at carrying this in my everyday life. with my friends i am comfy enough to not care abt my voice. (it even felt weird, when they started to use my chosen name, bc it felt like they were now putting in effort for a foemality, while i felt seen by them at every point in the last years.) so i don't care abour voice around my friends. at work i am still boymoding (rediculously bad), so i don't do new voices. when outside i often have to be louder, so i use the louder voice i know. when around men, i still have the (ridiculously wrong) urge to not stand out, and so i often speak with a lower voice, while wearing a skirt. when i feel unsafe, i do not speak at all.

only sometimes i surprise myself suddenly speaking to the cashier in this softer tone. just a "thank you" or so. but it happens.

a big problem is that with what i can do today, i sound like a dreamy/high mess when i talk for longer. i already told my trainer, we will look at that in the next sessions.

some advice?

i am quite new to this. have you had similar expiriences? how did you start to actually use your new voice?

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[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

I haven't started training yet but i do get a lot of voice dysphoria. I think i would learn better with a teacher and your teacher sounds lovely! I appreciate you talking about the good parts because it is scary and hearing you talk about it maybe takes some of that fear away.

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I finally started voice training again this morning and holy crap I do not like putting effort in because it reminds me of how far I am from sounding remotely feminine... I might have cried a lil lol

I really need some one-on-one time with someone who can teach me and give me pointers for exercises. I can read 10,000 articles, blog posts, forum comments, and the like, but 1 hour with someone interactive who can literally see/feel my throat as I speak would be waaaaaaaay more beneficial.

I went thrifting yesterday and the other people ended up getting busy so it was just my partner and I, and I let them do all the speaking. The one or two times I did say anything it was just a small squeak of "thanks" and "sorry" and a couple "mhmm"s.

I'm hoping I can power through the emotions...

Reading other people's experiences is definitely a good thing for me, so thank you so much for sharing! I'm hoping I can have the same positive attitude soon

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 day ago

we will all nail this somehow. :) i hope ..

it is really super helpfull to have someone correct you immediately. my guy is really strict. when it's falsetto time, it is falsetto all the time, even in the small syllables no one cares about. this is a topic i could never diy, i feel like. because i don't hear if i do the practices right, i only start to get a feel for what to do, through his instructions.

i wish you a lot of strength! 💖

[–] Ekybio@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Here is one advice: Singing!

Maybe it does not help with the conscious effort of voice change, that uses a different brain region, but it helps you train making noises at louder levels, holding pitches, etc. It trains the same muscles you later use for speaking and in my case it also boosted my confidence quite a bit. I did it alongside my own training regime and it made things a lot easier!

Also I used an app called Voice Tools to monitor how I was speaking. Got it from the Play Store, is relly fun to use alongside.

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

i knowwwwa. ... trying to sing makes me cry rather quickly. my primary school had a choir in which all kids sang. i did not. i had a 'special class' with like 5 others, where we clapped with these music stick thingies. i did learn early to please stop singing.

it sounds super logical, that that would be a good training. atm i just recite poems in the fem voice and try to not sound high while doing so ... hm.

[–] Ekybio@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I cried a lot while singing, though most often not because of voice training. It's.. cathartic for me at least, not sure it can be for you as well, especially with that background. But it certainly did feel less like "training" for me, just a bit of silly fun.

If singing is not it, reading a book you like out loud (and even intonating different kind of characters talking if you are spicy) is also a thing that I did. Couldn't just do "work", I had to mix fun in.

[–] emmmy@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

i’m really happy that you enjoy voice training. it’s hard and discouraging for a lot of people. if you like it, you’ll actually train and you’ll end up with a voice you love before you know it.

i was also lucky to take to it so positively. what worked for me was a few months of practice where i’d train for 15-45 minutes everyday but use my old voice otherwise. then i switched 100%. literally 100% fem, no exceptions. it was pretty rough at first and i was pretty self conscious about it but very quickly it became second nature. i imagine it’s similar in some sense to learning a language by immersion.

definitely save some recordings of yourself as you progress. it’s really cool to hear how your voice changes throughout your training. keep recording after you “graduate” too. my voice is still changing and refining and i haven’t done any formal training in a year or so. so long as you can hear yourself and pay attention you’ll never find yourself backsliding.

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 day ago

ok, so i'll give it some time and a bit more practice. :) thanks for sharing your story

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

yayyy it is so good to find a practitioner so supportive :D

really the start of us actually trying out our new voice was talking to ourselves, especially in the machine shop. it probably arose as it is the best way for us to communicate amongst ourselves, and if done right the femme voice doesn't cause dysphoria. thus it was a lot of inadvertent practice on our own hehe. we still do a lot of "1, 2, 3" etc. prior to speaking, just to feel on the safe side.

interestingly, we found that when speaking english it sounded better in a recording than it did when we were speaking out loud, but in german language it is the opposite. reading off russian out loud is very hard no matter what...

uh prior to even thinking about voice training we did have quite a bit of experience with phonology and linguistics in general, which was definitely a HUGE help. most of our methodology for voice training came from books, some presentations, and a couple reviews and some other stuff too. we ended up putting together a slideshow that is basically a start to finish guide on femme voice training, and although we didn't actually use it like at all, it did seem to help make the information stick in our head.

gradually we started using it with others, when we felt confident that we didn't sound awful. our fear was that failing at doing a femme voice and sounding weird was worse than just sounding masculine. thankfully those we talk to are more nice!! in the end we still sometimes feel a little nervousness when about to talk (sometimes we take a recording to make sure we sound okay), and struggle a little with speaking louder, but it really has made a night and day difference with how we are treated.

voice training will take a fair bit of practice and effort of course. but you have it in you :)

[–] phr@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

... we did have quite a bit of experience with phonology and linguistics in general, which was definitely a HUGE help.

oh yeah i did too. unfortunately i soon realised that all my focus in phonetics was about consonants. (i am really good at those!) so my knowledge about vowels could be better and thus more helpfull. :/

we found that when speaking english it sounded better in a recording than it did when we were speaking out loud, but in german language it is the opposite.

i made a similar observation. in those laguages i do not use often in everyday life (which includes my native language) it is easier to apply the new voice. maybe in part, bc i don't hear the nuances or don't have much comparison? for sure it is also that i am not that stuck in my habits, when speaking those. in languages i am not remotely fluent, i have to much else to think about, and can't 'do a voice' yet.

we still do a lot of "1, 2, 3" etc. prior to speaking, just to feel on the safe side.

you do that in prep for a meeting or giving a talk? or like also in between shops? i haven't really thought about including small preparation units in my day

thank you for sharing!

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

in prep for a meeting or giving a talk? or like also in between shops?

pretty much any time we are about to speak (or are speaking) and can do an exercise without being looked at funny. some of our favorites:

  • the classic "1, 2, 3(, 4)"

    • in some situations this can be really weird, but it can be done quietly. example: when riding the bus, the engine obscures quiet talking. while the bus is fareless (it's just get on & go), we still do need to thank the driver, ask to take a bicycle off the rack, etc... so this works perfect!

  • saying what you're doing out loud, like a checklist

    • example: before giving a presentation...

    plug in that, mmhmm... find our file where is ittt okayyy, bring that over there and that should do it. okay, [start to go into the presentation thereon]

  • using higher pitch conversation filler, like mmhm, yuh huh, hm (but short nasal duration)

    • example: when it's your turn on a cell phone call...

    mm, bring it around by noon, got it!

    hm, who told you that?

  • in a similar vain, when about to start a conversation, start with something that can be pitched high or lower and not make too big a difference

    • example:

    ooh hello, your tube doesn't look so happy... need a hand?

  • when about to go in depth with an explanation or directions or whatever, breath in, and when exhaling try and make it sound femme too. this one is especially helpful for resonance!

  • singing while riding the bicycle is not as helpful as these other ones, but it does help us to relieve some stress. it also has worked really well as practice in general.

in a lot of the stuff we have read, a common point amongst them is that nasals ("m", "n", etc.) are especially good ways to "establish" a particular pitch. we found The voice book for trans and non-binary people (Mills & Stoneham, 2017) has a lot of helpful exercises in addition to what we listed. there are some things that may not be in line with what your trainer suggests, but it's still a good read.

it may seem like this will require a lot of diligence at first, and it absolutely does. after some time though it'll become second nature, we promise!

thank you for sharing!

it is our pleasure!!!!!