This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
The lovebombing accusation is what gets me. Sorry for being lonely and easily getting infatuated on the rare occasion I get to date someone π
Edit: For clarification, I am just saying that "lovebombing" doesn't necessarily have to be an intentional manipulation tactic. I am not saying it's not a reason for concern
yo, did the fucking misogyny of 4chan get exported with this post or why are u all acting like chuds rn??
There's like 2 misogynistic comments in a sea of genuine advice and they're both pretty obviously sarcasm
yo, did the fucking sense of humour of reddit get exported with this comment or why are u all acting like the comedy police rn??
It's supposed to be tongue-in-cheek.
You post all your relationship problems to 4chan, then enjoy your miserable life
I never got to this point in the first place. But generally, I don't respond.
"Ok, I'm evil, I admit it, goodbye".
Everyone is happy, the end.
You can walk away and be criticized for going your own way instead.
Stop talking to them altogether, I guess. Assuming you're not a habitual manipulator using these tactics.
Well it's either you or her. Get better at communicating or tell her to figure out her shit.
Or both. It could be both. Really, its usually both.
In this biz these are known as "thought-terminating clichΓ©s."
We need the wikipedia page for it on speed dial. Everyone uses them. I especially hate the "let's see you do better" for art.
it's very important to begin your response with the word
Axxxxually......
There is some context missing which makes it hard to give solid advice.
I do think, though, that the internet probably isn't the best place to seek relationship advice unless you have already made up your mind that you're leaving and you just need the final push.
Usually by doing all of those things even more, as far as I can tell. Bonus points if you posted yourself on LinkedIn wearing a βthis is what a feminist looks likeβ t-shirt.
with facts
Psychology can be the worst coercion tactic since you can hardly criticise it.
Like seriously, how do you even respond to "You need to love yourself!" when it's used as an attack. When you highlight that it's controlling behaviour to psychologise, you can always receive the response that your critical remark, phrased as deflection, is a sign of distrust in psychology or distrust in general and that that is a sign that your pathology runs even deeper, which makes the original attack even more correct.
Leave psychology to those who have actually read the books and the modicum of social skills needed to empathise.
Maybe I'm ignorant, but love bombing sounds pretty nice.
Yeah, that's the problem. Once I married a woman I had known for six months, because that whole time she was crazy about me. I was the center of her world. It felt great - I wasn't used to getting a lot of attention from women, and here was one literally begging me to marry her. I went for it. But for whatever reason (maybe God thought it was funny) there are people out there who flip between over-the-top loving someone and over-the-top hating him, for no external reason. My ex-wife kept the crazy under control before we got engaged, but after that about a couple of times a week she would flip out. I ended up divorcing her after six months of marriage - the last straw was when on my birthday she flipped out because I wanted to celebrate with my family and not just with her. (She was extremely jealous - not just about other women but about my family and even my dog.)
Normal social interactions don't prepare you to deal with a person like that. Even long after the divorce, I would still wonder if maybe I was the one who had been doing something wrong - after all, she was usually so sweet and loving!
My friend's going through something similar now and not saying something earlier is one of my biggest regrets.
We were both single when they started dating and I didn't want to seem jealous by pointing it out. Now they've got two kids and are getting divorced because she found someone new to lovebomb.
I consider myself very, very lucky that my ex-wife and I did not have any children.
I think itβs only called that when itβs being used to manipulate you, paradigm case being an abuser who swears they didnβt mean to they love you so much they werenβt thinking straight please say you love me
Love-bombing a love-bomber can get epic, but then there's the fallout when the one drops the act and is terrified by the possibilities that: you weren't acting, you were just matching their energy and can meet them down in the trenches before they can actually drag you down, and/or you knew what they were up to and refuse to be made to have a problem with it(see "weren't acting").
Now you're stuck with a bait-and-switcher who cannot grasp that you might not be pulling the same trick they just failed to land.
If this sounds like a lot of drama and a massive pain, it is, and that's why its not recommended over disengaging once you've realized what's happening.
Sometimes I wish I could take psychopathy for a test drive, just to see what it's like to be emotionally invulnerable for a day. This is the kind of thing I'd want to do.
If you don't hear it often? Sans gaslighting, "maybe you need it then".
Always rethink your position and switch PoV for the other side for a bit mentally. But if you get back to where you are, feel free to feel attacked lol. Mostly due to phrasing. This is accusation, and accusations aren't thrown out of good will.
With gaslighting, just wave your hand, say whatever and change topic. Either you got too emotional and focused on needing to win, or the other person is willing to throw anything at you because they feel attacked and already full on with defence. No moving there either way. Just drop it and move on.
