this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2026
699 points (97.4% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

39351 readers
3134 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
699
dong (infosec.pub)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I never call it

It just comes when it pleases

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 7 points 1 day ago
[–] Snowman_sir@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Hi, I'm Lo Wang. I'll be your acupuncturist today.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 1 points 23 hours ago

You no mess with Lo Wang

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

No need for names. You leave your number at the front desk, and if you are lucky, you'll get a call back.

[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 152 points 2 days ago (6 children)

We're not allowed to CRANK OUR HOGS!?

[–] slackassassin@piefed.social 66 points 2 days ago (2 children)

HOG IS LIFE AND NOBODY GETS TO TELL ME WHO I AM! AAAARRRROOOOOOO!

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] MeatPilot@sh.itjust.works 43 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I DIDN'T HEAR THAT FIRST PART BROTHER! BUT LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT HOG = THE PACK! I DON'T SUPPORT ORANGE PEDOPHILES! I ONLY CRANK MY HOG WITH CONSENTING ADULTS!

[–] 4am@lemmy.zip 29 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I HAD TO DRINK SO MUCH PRUNE JUICE THIS WEEK THAT IM GONNA HAVE TO MISS THE RIDE BOYS BECAUSE NO TELLING WHEN IT’LL FIRE OFF SO PROMISE YOU’LL CRANK ONE FOR ME

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ToffeeIsForClosers@piefed.ca 35 points 2 days ago

NEARLY SHID MYSELF WHEN I RED THAT BRUTHER

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Mine is known as The Great Depression.

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

A lot of people got fucked by The Great Depression. It also caused quite a few suicides. Good for you!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] lobo@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

mister boopsy fucking killed me

... And he can do it again in 2-5 hours ;)

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago (3 children)

##Verse 1

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?

Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?

It's swell to have a stiffy

It's divine to own a dick

From the tiniest little tadger

To the world's biggest prick

##Verse 2

So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas

Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake

Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend

Your Percy or your cock

You can wrap it up in ribbons

You can slip it in your sock

But don't take it out in public

Or they will stick you in the dock

And you won't come back

[Outro (spoken)] Thank you very much

[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Now sit on my face and tell me that you love me

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 71 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

If he calls it a knob, he's not just British, he's Bri'ish.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I knew a girl that refereed to her breasts as 'the girls' and dicks as 'the little gentlemen'.

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

"May I come in, ma'am?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Monument@piefed.world 33 points 2 days ago (1 children)

When not referred to by its proper name, His Majesty is known as the womb hammer or the flesh dagger.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] uid0gid0@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

wand = double nerd alert.

I put on my robe and wizard hat...

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I'll put on a witch's hat and then we can have a duel.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (4 children)
[–] BambiDiego@lemmy.zip 24 points 2 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Resonosity@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Where's pecker? Or pizzle?

[–] melfie@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I first heard pizzle in Kingdom Come Deliverance: β€œAre you pulling my pizzle?”

That's where I heard it πŸ˜‚

Stop yanking me pizzle!

[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 2 days ago

You're at least 65 years old

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] don_kiedyck@lemmy.world 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ding-a-ling: Chuck Berry fan

What about tallywhacker? Or schlong?

I’m always left out.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] forestbeasts@pawb.social 0 points 1 day ago

I'm a wolf, so mine's a sheath. 🐺

(well, technically, the sheath is the outer thing around it, and when it's out of the sheath I still have to figure out what to call it. But when it's stowed away? sheath!)

(also fun fact: I have a permanent boner. Literally, there's a bone in there. :3)

-- Frost

[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Laphog, schlong, rod, pecker, snake, package, unit, johnson, richard, purple helmet warrior, willy, one eyed trouser snake, sinstick, prick, dink, pickle, sausage, lower horn, skinflute, genghis khan

[–] FUsername@feddit.org 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh man, forgot about that earworm, going to be stuck for a bit

[–] FUsername@feddit.org 1 points 1 day ago

I an always glad to help 😈

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] musket528@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί