this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2026
273 points (97.6% liked)

Not The Onion

21253 readers
1896 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] becausechemistry@piefed.social 45 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What a terrible day to know how to read

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What a terrible day to be litterate

FTFY

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 12 points 3 days ago

Literate, possibly

[–] undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch 27 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I’m so fucking sick of these people. Just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere, why poison this earth and all our minds with your relentless, nonstop low IQ horseshit? Imagine waking up in the morning and having to be any one of these stupid fucks.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 days ago

He has a podcast now! He tells THE TRUTH.

[–] vikingtons@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago

well that's enough internet for today

[–] limelight79@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The best part about this is that even after the whale head and other similar stories, he still doesn't stop to think, "hey, maybe I shouldn't share that story." He doesn't understand the problem, clearly, but he also doesn't even grasp that there is a problem with these stories.

maybe, just maybe, he's shared all these godsawful stories and ended up a leading politician somehow. maybe for him there isn't a problem because he keeps being enabled and that is what the problem truly is.

[–] DarthPub@retrofed.com 19 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Rfk jr cut the dong off a dead animal. trump put his dong in kids

Peas in a pod

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago (3 children)

I really don't mean to defend this dude, so don't take this as that. Those Os penises (animal penis bones, baculum) are very collectable. I wouldn't want to be the person collecting and cleaning them, but this is extremely common to see people harvest baculum.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

is extremely common to see people harvest baculum.

Extremely may be an exaggeration...

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's fair. I guess maybe extremely common compared to the harvesting of penises that don't have a baculum?

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 3 points 3 days ago
[–] LuckyDevil@piefed.social 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Interesting. Do you know why people collect them? Is it like a rabbits foot? Are there lucky raccoon penises out there?

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago (4 children)

They're just kinda cool! It's a Marge Simpson thing. You find them at oddity and reptile shows used as part of crafts all the time.

I saw this watching moonshiners on the history channel, so take it with a grain of salt, but the moonshiners were obsessed with them. Since they bend down at the end, you stick the bone into the spigot where the liquid comes out of the worm bucket (where the alcohol vapor condenses into liquid). It directs the flow into a jar. You can also use a stick, but these dudes were always just carrying raccoon dick bones that I'm sure they harvested themselves.

[–] kboos1@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

dudes were always just carrying raccoon dick bones that I'm sure they harvested themselves.

That's enough Lemmy for tonight. Time for bed

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

The same history channel that paid a guy to say that aliens built the pyramids?

Right, credible source. /s

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

100%, this the right way to treat a history channel reference. Fact checking is a requirement and trust should be withheld by default.

you know, i respect homebrew but i really want to make sure there's no raccoon dick in my whiskey.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 points 3 days ago

Thanks to MAGA, I have now officially heard EVERYTHING, and I'm not one bit happy about it.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago

Yeah, that's how I got my first racoon baculum. Fox too.

There's even a fairly brisk if low cost trade in them, and is generally going to come from either winter deaths after spring thaws, or road kill.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Why does it say "Reading mode"?

[–] QuincyPeck@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

To get you ready to read the article.

don't tell me what to do! I'm gonna make my computer's awful text to speech read it to me!

[–] muxika@piefed.muxika.org 11 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

But Kennedy’s involvement with road kill did not stop with the bear.

Hold the fucking phone. This is not a subject to "yes-and" into.

To think that the Kennedy line ends like this is so damn sad.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

He also drove a woman to suicide

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 3 days ago

But that's not relevant to whether or not the Kennedy family ends with him.

and they testified before congress about a whale head.

in ten years barron trump is going to be unironically telling a house panel about growing up terrified of mooses and squirrels

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 6 points 3 days ago

Just offered it up to nurgle?

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

I said it in the thread from a few days ago: he's going to hollow out the baculum to snort drugs with.

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

These are our elected and nominated officials. You cannot make this shit up.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago
[–] Rivermoonwolf@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

Truly a sentence I never in my wildest, most alcohol -fueled dreams did I ever think my eyes would have to endure

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

He is such a weird and creepy guy. Even back ~~veggie these stores~~ when these stories came to light he had a weird vibe to him.

I cannot fathom how anyone could think "yeah, this guy would be an excellent President!"

Edit: curse you uncaught autocorrect mistakes!

[–] egrets@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

back veggie these stores came to light

I'm glad you didn't proofread this comment veggie you posted it, because it made me laugh.

[–] ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Holy shit, I swear autocorrect is at war with me! And I am clearly losing, lol.

Glad my mistakes gave you a chuckle. :)

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I cannot fathom how anyone could think “yeah, this guy would be an excellent President!”

[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe 5 points 3 days ago

Very cool and normal.

[–] KonalaKoala@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I think he would really be seen as a sociopath if this was "RFK Jr. Recalls the Time He Was Trying to 'Cut the Penis Out of Donald Trump' - Reading mode.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Why does it say "Reading mode"?

[–] KonalaKoala@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

I don't know, but OP has it in the topic of this thread.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 days ago

What a dumbass! Everyone knows it's the balls you have to eat to gain its fertility!

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago

Needed a swizzle pizzle?

[–] grimpy@lemmy.myserv.one 3 points 3 days ago

“It was the best of times…”

[–] Cris_Citrus@piefed.zip 2 points 3 days ago

ಠ⁠ . ಠ

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 days ago

I'm sure they do this just to distract.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 3 days ago

his current choice of drugs, is roids.