Transfem

Imo, worrying about labels like trans or agender haven't been that helpful for me and it's easier to just worry about what steps I'd like to take going forward. Also, librafem exists, so you can be transfem and agender-spec. It's not necessarily one or the other.

As for bottom dysphoria, I think it's normal to sometimes miss secondary or tertiary problems until the primary problem is addressed. Like, when painting the walls, at first the tiny mistakes might not seem important, but once you fix the bigger problems, those other problems now get your full attention. Or like, if you break one wrist, sprain the other wrist and elbow, and get some scrapes, you might just not care at all about the scapes and not notice the sprains at first. But if you only had the scrapes, then you'd care a lot about those.

Of course being aware that it's possible to at least slightly internalize other people's happiness with certain things and accidentally think that such is something you need as well can be good. Especially when you see constant memes celebrating bottom surgery. I doubt that it would trick someone who would otherwise be actively against the idea into someone who thinks they want it, but it certainly can nudge feelings a little.

I think there's some thing I have a instinctual positive reaction to just because of the memes celebrating those things, but it's easy to tell that the reaction isn't really reflective of what I want.

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't worry about it. Just go with how you feel at the moment.

Before I started HRT, I was on the fence about SRS: I figured I might want it one day, but I was cool as-is. A couple of months in, that all changed and I was pretty sure I wanted it. Now I'm booked for the op later this year!

Why did my feelings change? I have no idea. But my guess is that I was more bothered by my overall appearance and ongoing masculinization that bottom dysphoria didn't really register. Once I'd got that out of the way, the next biggest worry made itself known. So it could just be a result of shifting perspective / priorities.

For me, I never really enjoyed bottoming, mostly because I don't get much pleasure from prostate stimulation. But overall I consider myself vers/switch from an overall perspective.

I also might be an odd case because I'm agender but physically had dysphoria around having a penis as well as social dysphoria around having to mask as male. I'm still not overly femme, but I feel like it's easier to publicly mask femme than masc due to some toxic traits I don't enjoy emulating or having to listen to like talking about women as sex objects. Though masking femme has it's own issues. Also, I have since had bottom surgery and I do miss penetrating with a penis sometimes, but it's still possible to "top" using toys, strapons, oral, etc., and that works fine for me.

As for erections, as I was on HRT for longer and longer, the erection and orgasm changed, but it took time. Erections become more fluctuating just like a cis-woman's clit erections or natural lubrication. More stimulation is required anf being careful not to overstimulate is necessary. Erections still happen when needed, it's just that it doesn't need to stay that way the entire session and trying to keep it that way will just result in frustration from overstimulation and the arousal troughs and then not being able to get one when you're ready for using it. This can make topping a challenge in some cases with partners not used to trans-people, so partners have to be understanding that having or not having an erection is not a 100% indicator of arousal like it is for cis-men. Instead, communication and foreplay is required more. Again, very similar to cis-women.

On the plus side, orgasms also change for the better, IMHO. They require a little longer to build and achieve, but last a lot longer and eventually you can have more than one after only a short rest rather than needing a longer period for things to build back up.

As a very broad statement, I feel like testosterone builds the libido outside of sexual encounters until you are about to burst and then it takes very little to trigger a short, intense orgasm. Estrogen builds libido very little and usually doesn't get to a point where you are so extremely anxious that you will do anything for an orgasm, but during stimulation, it then needs to build more in order to get to that orgasm state and because of that, it's a less sharp, instant orgasm, but it peaks and stays there as long as you're still receiving stimulation. That is way more pleasurable to me.

I explained it to someone recently that liked it said this way, but testosterone drives with anxiety for an orgasm. Estrogen drives with desire for stimulation. So it's a need vs desire kind of thing. Of course, it's not a binary thing, everyone has a balance of both whether naturally or through HRT, not 100% one or the other. Finding the right balance with HRT levels is what you have to figure out over time. And if you have an orchiectomy or vaginoplasty/vulvoplasty that will change things as well and require rebalancing. Some people go light on the HRT and some go heavier.

Having a good doctor that understands and and analyzes the changes rather than following sometimes outdated guidance is really helpful. My first doctor was really good, but she moved on and now my doctor isn't that experienced, but I have enough experience with my own body, and she listens to my experiences, so it works fine. For example, I never started anti-androgens and never needed them to reduce my testosterone, so that reduced side effects. I never would have tried that without my first doctor's experience, and it doesn't work for everyone, but once you start anti-androgens, you usually have to stick with them until surgery. And later I found that I wasn't having enough effect from the 200-ish pg/ml peaks of estrogen levels and found research from Mayo clinic and others that said that was out of date due to old estrogen HRT that risked cancer at higher levels. Really, 300-400 pg/ml peaks is more effective and once I gave that data to my current doctor, we have been following that ever since, with more success.

Body doesn't equal gender so you may indeed be agender and find yourself more comfortable in a body with estrogen vs testosterone. Sex drive, desires about sex can change on HRT but there isn't research pointing at any particular cause. Mostly there's a noted correlation but that does not imply causation. There's a number of confounding factors that would make determining that definitively difficult. Dysphoria masking is a thing and it could be involved but that's not necessarily what's happening. There's certainly a possibility that you are adopting someone else's opinion of what your body should be.

My advice would to spend more time thinking about how you want to be, and what you might want to do about that. The best solution to figuring out what you want is to think about how you perceive things now, and consider if that's good and enjoyable for you or if it's not. And also to think about if changing something would make your experience better or meet a need you have.

29 isn't that late tbh. I know plenty that started later and have had great results.

Regarding the upkeep situation, once a day is probably not necessary. 2 or 3 a week will keep you situated, though you'll know if you need more. It becomes painful to have an erection if you don't keep up, as the skin loses elasticity.

Hrt can and will change your libido, especially early days, which you're in. I had to keep a log of when I would use it so I wouldn't lose it and compared to T dominance I was just never in the mood for it. That changed after a while and adding progesterone, though it was/is still different and less. If you are interested in bottom surgery it's still prudent to keep on top of maintaining the muscle, especially if you get the penile inversion vaginoplasty, as it'll get you better results and likely an easier time healing.

Like another person said, you might have more dysphoria than you realized, and lessening the other issues might allow more space for other dysphoria to become more obvious. That is what the case was for me and my bottom dysphoria.

Regarding vers/top/whatever and your dating prospects, you can be vers or a top and not use your natal junk or your junk at all. And, in my opinion, I wouldnt make decisions on your body and how you like to use it based on what other people would find appealing/useful.

the perceived usefullness of my configuration has for sure and rapidly gone down through hrt (4+ month now). but it also started at a low level. i had come to understand a lot of my past behaviour as some kind of dysphoria before hrt. but still i am unsure if i want surgery. my dysphoria has never shown itself in me actively disliking my parts. it is just nothing i want others to interact with. i think it'd be rather boring if they did.

so yeah i guess at least your first and second point might be factors. esp. my sex drive did change through E. it got even more of a whole body thing, i wasn't ever fixated on genital interaction, but still i feel it drifting away from that. the ability to top became even less of an priority for me. as for your 3rd one: be assured, i know a lot of girls that do not go for surgery. i maybe won't either. i am still trying to form a solid opinion in therapy, bc i can't tell how i feel abt any of this. but do whatever you need. qnd only that. :)

Hi I am on 4 Months of HRT and have had a lot of similar feelings. I feel like for me the first and second point of yours, at least for me, are inherently linked.

When I still had Testosterone in my system and my sex drive activated my physical body got actual satisfaction of topping people which was why I didn't really mind it. I didn't especially like it but when my partner wanted it or I was very horny it was still a way to recieve some pleasure I guess.

When I started HRT suddenly this biological satisfaction was mostly gone and I found myself not enjoying topping anymore. I spoke to a friend about it and they mentioned dissociation, which when I started talking about how I used to experience sex when topping with T in my system, it more and more started sounding like dissociation. At one point I realized that when I was topping I was giving away conscious control of my body cause I felt uncomfortable with it, my actual feelings were disconnected from what my body felt. My body got "some" amount of pleasure and I could give my partner pleasure so I used to cope with it thinking it wasn't all bad but reflecting it was never good for me.

As for surgery even if the first two points are true it does not mean that you have to get bottom surgery. Your life is not all about sex and sex isn't all about penetrating or getting penetrated, try out some stuff , experiment learn how you can feel your body and how you feel in your body.

Whichever path you choose I hope you will feel better with your body

Idk. If I take too much estrodial, I get queasy balls. If I take too litlle, I get angry. So midpoint

So I'm not sure where you got the idea that you need to get an erection every day to maintain function, but that seems like a lot to me. From what I've heard you really only need one or two good ones a week, and that certainly seems to be working for me. I take tadalafil 5 mg per day to make it easier to get and keep an erection and I can just not take it on days I know I don't want to get an erection. It makes it very easy for me to get an erection with just a little arousal. Not saying you need to maintain but there are options that make it very manageable. You will want to maintain if you plan to get penile inversion so you get the depth you want.

The nice thing about bottom surgery is that it doesn't explicitly require you to choose penis or vagina, you can have both. It's called phallus preserving vaginoplasty, and at this point I feel pretty strongly it's what I want. I want to be able to bottom as a woman, but I also really like topping and my penis is really good for that. At least for me I've found the dysphoria I get about using my penis goes away when I see it as an option at my disposal as a woman rather than the only way I can have sex like I felt when I thought I was a man.