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TBH it sounds like they're just being jerks or at least a bit self-centered, independent of any neurodivergence.
...But:
completely ignoring my messages
The one caveat: I sympathize with this. Unreasonable anxiety from a screw-up is a huge thing for me, and my uncontrolled habit of ghosting friends/family as a result has cost me... a lot.
All autistics are human.
Some humans are shitty people.
Therefore some autistics are shitty people.
QED
One of the most common ways for people to assuage their own insecurites is to put someone else down.
It's an immediate weird kind of ego boost for the majority of people, especially if they can also have someone agree with them.
It's pretty unreasonable. I'm guessing there might be a common theme to find with other apes, but yeah its really something you can write off as thoughtless.
There’s also just incompatible ‘autism types’. I’m very quiet and sensitive to noise, an autistic friend of my husband’s is EXTREMELY loud and physically engaged at all times. There’s nothing wrong with either of us being this way, but if I’m around him for more than an hour I start to have a sensory meltdown because I literally can’t take it. Last time I tried to power through it I actually wound up yelping in terror when he yelled unexpectedly 😅
It sounds more like the people OP is dealing with are emotionally young or immature and not sure how, able, or willing to accommodate differences or neurodivergence.
autistics aren't immune to internalizing shitty hierarchies. or being abusive. and a thing a lot of victims of abuse do is turn around and reproduce that shit on others to ease their own suffering.
sorry about your ex friends. they probably pass enough that they never had to learn to regulate their emotions as a survival tactic.
it's analogous to how some lgbtq or black people join the US Republican party. people don't always see their own core identity as what others perceive as their most core identity.
for instance, because nowadays there is less of certain types of institutional oppression constantly telling black men "you're black and that's terrible", their self perception may instead center on being straight male (not to say that they forget about their racialized identity or don't care) and they might focus and worry more about maintaining patriarchy than freeing black people.
similarly LSN NDs may identify more with neurotypical out of an instinct (often subconscious, but sometimes conscious and malicious) to preserve their already threatened social status within ableist society, rather than to join HSN NDs in the upcoming long arduous fight to raise up all NDs.
this fight has barely begun and even though society less frequently commits blatant atrocities against NDs than in the 1800s/1900s, many horrors are still to come.
edit: clarification
That's just mean tbh. I know that autism can put extra strain on relationships but your exes just sound like assholes right now :(
I hope you have some more supportive friends. The friend circles I frequent are usually very supportive of neurodivergent people. Still, sometimes your neurodivergence conflicts with other people's neurodivergence and it's best to avoid each other. But being mean and calling people weird is just unnecessary. Autism can also have a wide range of symptoms and quirks, even autistic people might not be aware of that at first.
I think it’s just an unfortunate part of human nature to enjoy looking down on others. Don’t get me a wrong, a lot of people can get over that, but some people don’t. It’s an easy shortcut to feeling better about oneself that a lot of people fall in to.
When I was younger, I pointed out a friend of mine had trouble making eye contact. It was a shitty thing of me to do because I’ve spent my entire life getting shit on because I avoid eye contact like the plague. I felt immediately bad about doing it and apologized later. I had to really inspect why it was I felt like that was an acceptable thing to do, because it certainly was not.
I find it helpful to point out to people that they inherently understand that it feels bad to have people make fun of you or belittle you, and they need to put themselves in the other persons shoes. Sometimes it’s just that, someone did not even think to make the connection that being treated that way doesn’t feel good, so you shouldn’t do that to other people.
One note i have is kayla said you are uncomfortable but You are just being you.
kayla is uncomfortable and unless your really inappropriate that’s entirely a them problem.
thanks. i was just a socially awkward girl with mental problems, and that was a typo. oops. i meant it was making her uncomfortable