Ask Lemmy

To be fair, I don't think I would date someone whose whole personality is just their gender...

Aside from that - depends who they are, how they behave etc.

This is a messy but interesting question to sort my thoughts on. First, I did date a non-binary person for a couple years and ended things on good terms. I’m AMAB, they’re AFAB on testosterone. I’ll admit I felt a little weird as their transition took effect over time with thicker leg hair and a peach fuzz mustache.

Second, I’ve considered myself a sex-positive asexual person since I learned the term, so I’m not certain I should be answering this. I’ve always been confused when someone is called hot, but I like the mental/emotional intimacy and physical touch of sex. I’ve come to realize recently that I’d probably be okay being intimate with a woman or feminine partner with a dick, but since I would like to have kids some day it wouldn’t really work for a romantic relationship.

Third, that partner has half-jokingly said that you have to be a little gay to date them, so I don’t know that any person that would date a non-binary person can call themself 100% straight, which means technically nobody should be answering this question at all :P

If that's how they introduced themselves. No.

If I found this out on the 3rd or 4th date during a casual, related conversation. Sure.

Another form of this question is for married people, of if their spouse's genitals one day just flipped inside-out or outside-in, would that be enough to end your relationship?

I love my partner so, so much, as she basically saved my life. And if she woke up tomorrow sporting a turgid member, I wouldn't love her any less. In fact, quite far from a deal breaker. Even if she, out of nowhere, wanted bottom surgery, I would support her 100%. But, with that, presenting as the gender she does is what makes me attracted to her. My brain stem loves them good lady shapes, and the rest of my brain loves this individual lady in particular.

It's a package deal, but of she had a package, that's not part of the math for the deal.

Tbh. Am straight, and I wouldn't date them, even if I'd find them attractive. Just because I don't have time and nerves to deal with confusion of something so fundamental.

Likely not, though there are always exceptions.

Friends for sure. The big difference to me, between dating and being friends, is the level of physical intimacy and sexual attraction between the people in the relationship -- and ideally, you want that to be a strong enough bond that you can rely on each other for those needs almost exclusively. I can't realistically picture such a bond with a non binary person, similar to how I don't think such a bond can be as exclusive/strong with someone who is 'gender fluid' (as it'd feel like I'd never live up to the expectations of a partner that wanted to physically/materially play around with both men and women, seeing as I'm just one of the two). I also find myself more attracted to certain generally more feminine characteristics, which would likely not work out well if the other person is non-binary -- I wouldn't want someone I cared about, changing/masking who they are, just for my benefit, so I wouldn't want to put them into that sort of dilemma by pursuing a relationship.

There's nothing wrong with being non-binary. There's also nothing wrong with not being attracted to non-binary people.

Then again, my viewpoint has resulted in me being a single middle aged person with no real immediate family, and few close friends (they tend to go 'poof' once they find a wife/husband and start families). So being somewhat mindful of these things, may have negative results in the long run for most cis-folks. May be better to just hook up with anything with a pulse, and try to get some kids/connections by any means, if you don't want to die alone. Throw every relationship at the wall and see what sticks -- any hole's a goal.

Maybe, idk. Probably if they would lean more to the masculine side.

I should add, that I do consider myself straight, but I would not 100% deny, that I Am maybe bisexual/pansexual.

Like everything, it depends. But probably not, theres too much aggro around that sort of thing since it turned into a political football.

If I properly loved them then sure I'd put up with it, and learn all about it, but I dont relish the idea of drawing heat from bigots everywhere I go, and would rather not.

Yeah of course, if they looked attractive to me and liked me back.

I never thought about it but yes, if they meet my other criteria for dating, being nonbinary wouldn't rule anyone out. It's just another personality trait.

I’m sexually attracted exclusively to feminine presenting people and repulsed by masculine presenting people. I don’t really care about what’s between legs but I am much more experience with vaginas. But I’m a hoe and don’t really know what to call my sexuality

I find this is a weird question. Everyone is going to be different. If the person is straight, then obviously they're going to be more attracted to someone who presents on the feminine side. It's all personal preference though.

As a straight man, I prefer my women to be more towards the tomboy side of things usually. I like really feminine looking women too, but I find the ones I'm most attracted towards look feminine but present more towards the masculine side.

Obviously all these terms are made up though. I would say anyone who isn't a bigot would date a non-binary person if they match what they want. Genitals are obviously part of this, but presentation is made up. Your presentation just has to be something they like. If they like it then tbey like it. It shouldn't be more complex than that. Someone being non-binary has nothing to do with that.

All this said, personality is obviously important. Someone can be attracted to you and not like your personality. I guess someone could not like the personality of people who are non-binary?

I had an on-again-off-again thing with an AFAB person who identified as non-binary for the latter part of that time. Still had a vagina, still enjoyed PIV, still had a body I found attractive, so whatever. Only real difficulty was cutting gendered language out of dirty talk, especially with them being a sub.

Admittedly, I'm kind of a gender-abolitionist anyway. Biological sex I get, I like putting my penis in a vagina. Body-type aesthetic preferences I get, but those are pretty individual in the first place: some people like tits, some like ass, some like skinny, some like thick, some like short, some like tall; there are plenty of women I don't find attractive but others do, and vice versa. But outside that, gender just seems socially regressive. So long as I am sexually attracted to you and you like having sex roughly the same way I do, the rest is just personality.

I'm sincerely not sure how social gender would affect my relationship.

I am not dating a man, because I am not gay.

A "trans man" is still a man.

Do with that whatever you will.

My partner is a pan-guy. I like dick, he sometimes wears frilly things and obtains saline boobs. Fun.

If I'm attracted to them, sure. Why not? (Other than being married)

No thanks, I only date my wife.

I think I'm too old but my bi kids don't care and the trans (not now) one has a girlfriend and the mom wouldn't let her stay over UNTIL she found out that the boyfriend was trans. Now she is allowed to stay over. I found that interesting.

Brave new world.

For me, non-binary partner would have to be both a male bodied person and one who enjoyed using their OEM equipment. As I am not bi. But beyond that - if they didn't feel male or female, not sure I would care. It hasn't come up so not sure.

Straight guy here. As long as they have the body parts I'm interested in and plan on keeping them, I don't care what gender they align with.

This is a question that's been brought up irl recently (alongside whether I would date a trans woman) and the honest answer is I simply don't know. I'd have to be presented with someone non-binary who I'm attracted to (and just as importantly, vice versa) to really form an opinion.

I lean towards probably not, but there's been two occasions I've been surprised at my impression of a non-AGAB, feminine presenting person. But two people vs. many more cis-women, so idk.

It is a pretty striking "well, this is new" experience when you're not expecting it though. And it did get a warranty sold, that much I'll admit.

No. I am very much a CIS only kind of guy. Now would I abuse them or be mean? No. But sexual attraction is all about preferences. As a black guy here, will I be offended because some women do not want to date a black man? No. Their preference. Same here.

As a straight man I am attracted to women. I have seen plenty AFAB enbys who are attractive. I have also seen plenty of AMAB trans women who are attractive. I have seen plenty of AFAB women who are attractive.

I once heard that sexual attraction is just a vibe and I really like that description. So if they hit my vibe I am in.

I'm gynesexual but like tomboys, so yes.

Yeah, if we were into each other. How they present and their AGAB matching my own preferences would be a factor.

But at the end of the day, my "straightness" is just a convenient label. If someone gets voted in by the Tribunal (Heart, Mind, and Cock), all labels are ultimately superfluous.