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see, what you did here by explaining your sexuality, is how you should approach it in general.
Pick whatever label gets the basic point across (sounds like demisexual is the most apt, but since it's quite niche to know what it means "ace" might be more useful), and then if anyone actually needs to know the precise details you simply explain it to them like you did here.
The label doesn't define you, it's just there to summarize your unique experience.
Not a stupid question at all, but my recommendation would be to worry less about labels.
Who cares about the label? You're a human being with all your little quirks and capabilities, just like everyone else and I guarantee you that nobody fits any label perfectly. A label is only required for those with a need to show off the label.
See also https://dlm-econometrics.blogspot.com/2020/04/the-average-man.html?m=1
There's no queer police coming to dictate who isn't valid.
Fuck/don't fuck whoever you want, you'll always be valid.
#NoQueerCopsAtPride
There’s no queer police coming to dictate who isn’t valid.
Yet
Yes you are valid. There is a microlabel that you may relate to, if you're looking for it:
Reciprosexuals don’t feel sexual attraction until they know someone is attracted to them first. This can create a dynamic where attraction follows mutual interest rather than leading it, different from most other orientations.
But ace is ace is ace is ace. If you identify as being on the ace spectrum, you are valid. If you change your mind later, you were (and are) still valid. You do you boo.
Sexualities are only useful as options on the dating app.
Whether you describe yourself as "asexual" or "demisexual" (or "straight' or "gay") only matters when you're looking for a new partner and need to choose how much "what do you mean by that" you want to put up with.
Don't worry about labeling yourself or otherwise over-complicating things. It's not what defines you.
Labels are meant to help you navigate and exist in the world. If it's achieving that, it's the right label!
You are 100% valid.
Asexuality is a massive spectrum, not a narrow box. Most of us see Ace as a big tent that covers anyone who experiences attraction differently, rarely, or only under specific conditions. It isn't an all or nothing thing.
What you described, needing a romantic bond first, is the core of demisexuality. And that bit about only feeling it if your partner is "sexual first"? That’s actually a specific thing called reciprosexuality. Both are widely recognized and respected parts of the Ace community.
One thing that helps a lot of people is separating attraction from action. You can participate in sex for curiosity or romantic intimacy and still be asexual. It’s about that internal pull (or lack of it), not the act itself.
Labels are just tools to help you navigate your own life and find your people. They are not cages you have to fit into perfectly. If calling yourself Ace or Demi feels right to you now, then it is yours to use.
You can call yourself whatever you want.
There's no sexuality police (yet).
Asexuality isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a method of self identification.
If you feel like you identify as ace then you are.
Just ignore the labels. They're one-size-fits-all ideas made up by strangers at some point, so you'll never be able to properly wear any of them. They're ultimately pointless things anyway.
Many people have responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire. That's even a common friction point in relationships.
that's interesting, where is that distinction from?
I'm not sure where it's 'from' necessarily, I've just read about it a couple times.
dude im struggling with this exact same thing T_T ace has such a "strict" definition that i technically don't fit into but the label has always felt right to me and i relate a lot to the asexual experience. but yeah what everyone else is sayin— you're still valid and you can consider yourself whatever you want. also, labels are tools, so if they aren't helping and are rather causing distress, then dont even worry about all that :)) (easier said than done, i know)
I don't see any reason you can't be anything you want to be.
I feel like this describes me and I call myself demisexual, I'm only attracted to people who are attracted to me after years of pursuing people who hurt me for wanting them.
That's a bit different than demi. For them, sexual attraction doesn't happen unless they feel a strong emotional connection. Whether or not the other person displays attraction towards them is mostly irrelevant (my wife is demi)
A more accurate label would be Reciprosexual.
No, if you dont follow a specific definition made by a white cis man you are doing it wrong and should be prosecuted. Finding your own definition makes you a thread to society. (s.)
Be who you want to be. Let yourself enjoy it and call yourself whatever feels good.
You can be a valid Apache Attack Helicopter if you want to be. Nobody else gets to decide whether that's valid except you. You might confuse or even mislead some people, you'll have to be prepared for that, but before you consider whether it even matters that some people get confused or misled, you should consider why it's any of their business in the first place, because it probably isn't. If it is, then by all means, check whether it's valid with them, not us.
I'm like tthat too, never really cared about sex, I prefer to deal with it myself when needed, but my partners liked it so I did it.
I never considered myself asexual because I do feel atraction to men, I like kissing and touching just don't care about sex.
I just always thought I have a low sex drive. I was married for 5 years but stop dating about 10 years ago and feel finally free.