this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] Digit@lemmy.wtf 7 points 1 day ago

Can I get that on the NHS?

[–] 58008@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

Probably produces better results than snorting a line of crushed-up Ivermectin, or whatever it is RFK is suggesting these days.

[–] homes@piefed.world 62 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

OK, I gotta know: what’s a “sloppy toppy“?

Edit: I really expected better from all of you. Better puns. Better jokes. Just better…

[–] wuffah@lemmy.world 87 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Well son, that’s when a loose woman slobs on your knob like corn on the cob.

[–] theroastedtoaster@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You're telling me I've been eating corn wrong this while time??

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 8 points 1 day ago

Silly. You're supposed to eat the corn wong!

[–] Arcadeep@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I... But... Teeth??

[–] how_we_burned@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

OK, I gotta know: what’s a “sloppy toppy“?

Well it ain't no where as good as a Rusty Venture......

[–] homes@piefed.world 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Just by chance, while walking home from class, one day, I ran into Doc Hammer just standing on the street smoking a cigarette. And I got the chance to ask him what a Rusty Venture was. His response?

“What do you think it is?”

Brilliant. We ended up walking several blocks down to Washington Square Park together before we parted ways. He is a very interesting fellow.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

The joke is that it's always the most disgusting sex act that person can conceive of. Basically a venture bros themed aristocrats.

[–] EndOfLine@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Don't listen to the perverts. A sloppy toppy is an ice cream, typically served in a cone, with extra syrup (caramel, chocolate, etc) drizzled on top. The excess results in the syrup dripping off, making it "sloppy" if you aren't fast enough to lick it all off.

So next time you are at an ice cream parlour ask for a sloppy toppy.

[–] shutz@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 day ago

True story: Hawaiian Punch started as a fruity ice cream topping. Then people started diluting the syrup in water and drinking the result

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] floquant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 1 day ago

Not just any blowjob

[–] homes@piefed.world 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

That’s it? That’s a little disappointing…

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 20 hours ago

yeah she's a classy lady

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No way she s the sloppy toppy queen

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you're trying to hurt my feelings.... its working

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I didnt realize we were in wholesome. Sorry.

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Thank you 😘

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What could you have possibly expected

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 21 hours ago

Maybe trow some chicken vomit in the mix?

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

You know how when you gag, you produce a thick slimy mucous? Basically imagine that but all over the place. That's proper sloppy toppy.

[–] kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] homes@piefed.world 7 points 1 day ago

Risky click of the day

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Ah the good Ole days

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It sounds like letting Willy Wonka fuck you

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Willy Wonka and the sex toy factory. "You know Charlie, no other factory in the world mixes their lube by waterfall."

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hold your breath

Make a wish

Count to three

--

Cum with me, and you'll see

Why I'm on the sexual list of predation

Take a look and you'll see

Into my world of perverse ideation

--

We'll begin, with a spin

Riding the edge of gooner civilization

What we see will defy

Perversion

--

If you want to feel paradise

Simply stuff yourself right through it

Anything you want to, do it

Want to forget the world?

Just moan and goon it

Anything you wish,

There's nothing to it.....,

Come with me,

And you'll be,

In a world of double penetration,

Oh fuck, you have me doing it now.

You have a gift. I'm not entirely certain that you are using it to the full potential with the art that you just produced.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Responded to the wrong comment

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Read your edit and my only question is: are you gonna buy grapefruits?

[–] homes@piefed.world 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

No. I’m already pretty awesome at sucking dick, plus I got other tricks that don’t require any “assistance“.

I did watch that video, though, and I found her advice, at least, pretty original.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I am intrigued to ask for a proof that you are better than a grapefruit...

Or at least testi(cle)mo(a)nials.

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You'd be amazed at how often this happens. The peer reviewed journal articles will blow your mind.

[–] Digit@lemmy.wtf 4 points 1 day ago

Man smokes cigarette while receiving sloppy toppy from mentally unstable woman

You’d be amazed at how often this happens

I've been doing autism wrong.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 6 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Can this technique cure ADHD too?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Unfortunately no, it requires you to add some crystal for it to do that

[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Was that written by predictive text?

[–] orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Trex202@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I agree with you and the other team members good luck in your future endeavors and your family and family and family and family and family and family

[–] KindnessIsPunk@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

TJ and I will be a good time

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