this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

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[–] Digit@lemmy.wtf 7 points 11 hours ago

Can I get that on the NHS?

[–] 58008@lemmy.world 14 points 18 hours ago

Probably produces better results than snorting a line of crushed-up Ivermectin, or whatever it is RFK is suggesting these days.

[–] homes@piefed.world 62 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

OK, I gotta know: what’s a “sloppy toppy“?

Edit: I really expected better from all of you. Better puns. Better jokes. Just better…

[–] wuffah@lemmy.world 84 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Well son, that’s when a loose woman slobs on your knob like corn on the cob.

[–] Naich@piefed.world 53 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Arcadeep@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago

I... But... Teeth??

[–] theroastedtoaster@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You're telling me I've been eating corn wrong this while time??

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 8 points 1 day ago

Silly. You're supposed to eat the corn wong!

[–] how_we_burned@lemmy.zip 13 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

OK, I gotta know: what’s a “sloppy toppy“?

Well it ain't no where as good as a Rusty Venture......

[–] homes@piefed.world 5 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

Just by chance, while walking home from class, one day, I ran into Doc Hammer just standing on the street smoking a cigarette. And I got the chance to ask him what a Rusty Venture was. His response?

“What do you think it is?”

Brilliant. We ended up walking several blocks down to Washington Square Park together before we parted ways. He is a very interesting fellow.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago

The joke is that it's always the most disgusting sex act that person can conceive of. Basically a venture bros themed aristocrats.

[–] kbobabob@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 22 hours ago (2 children)
[–] homes@piefed.world 7 points 21 hours ago

Risky click of the day

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 3 points 21 hours ago

Ah the good Ole days

[–] EndOfLine@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Don't listen to the perverts. A sloppy toppy is an ice cream, typically served in a cone, with extra syrup (caramel, chocolate, etc) drizzled on top. The excess results in the syrup dripping off, making it "sloppy" if you aren't fast enough to lick it all off.

So next time you are at an ice cream parlour ask for a sloppy toppy.

[–] shutz@lemmy.ca 4 points 22 hours ago

True story: Hawaiian Punch started as a fruity ice cream topping. Then people started diluting the syrup in water and drinking the result

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 20 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] floquant@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 1 day ago

Not just any blowjob

[–] homes@piefed.world 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

That’s it? That’s a little disappointing…

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago

yeah she's a classy lady

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

No way she s the sloppy toppy queen

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you're trying to hurt my feelings.... its working

[–] TachyonTele@piefed.social 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I didnt realize we were in wholesome. Sorry.

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

Thank you 😘

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago

You know how when you gag, you produce a thick slimy mucous? Basically imagine that but all over the place. That's proper sloppy toppy.

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What could you have possibly expected

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 4 hours ago

Maybe trow some chicken vomit in the mix?

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It sounds like letting Willy Wonka fuck you

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Willy Wonka and the sex toy factory. "You know Charlie, no other factory in the world mixes their lube by waterfall."

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hold your breath

Make a wish

Count to three

--

Cum with me, and you'll see

Why I'm on the sexual list of predation

Take a look and you'll see

Into my world of perverse ideation

--

We'll begin, with a spin

Riding the edge of gooner civilization

What we see will defy

Perversion

--

If you want to feel paradise

Simply stuff yourself right through it

Anything you want to, do it

Want to forget the world?

Just moan and goon it

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago

Anything you wish,

There's nothing to it.....,

Come with me,

And you'll be,

In a world of double penetration,

Oh fuck, you have me doing it now.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 2 points 17 hours ago

You have a gift. I'm not entirely certain that you are using it to the full potential with the art that you just produced.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

Responded to the wrong comment

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 3 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Read your edit and my only question is: are you gonna buy grapefruits?

[–] homes@piefed.world 2 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

No. I’m already pretty awesome at sucking dick, plus I got other tricks that don’t require any “assistance“.

I did watch that video, though, and I found her advice, at least, pretty original.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 2 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

I am intrigued to ask for a proof that you are better than a grapefruit...

Or at least testi(cle)mo(a)nials.

[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 5 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Can this technique cure ADHD too?

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago

Unfortunately no, it requires you to add some crystal for it to do that

[–] Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You'd be amazed at how often this happens. The peer reviewed journal articles will blow your mind.

[–] Digit@lemmy.wtf 3 points 11 hours ago

Man smokes cigarette while receiving sloppy toppy from mentally unstable woman

You’d be amazed at how often this happens

I've been doing autism wrong.

[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Was that written by predictive text?

[–] orbituary@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Trex202@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I agree with you and the other team members good luck in your future endeavors and your family and family and family and family and family and family

[–] KindnessIsPunk@lemmy.ca 2 points 18 hours ago

TJ and I will be a good time

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I hope so and I hope that upsets you.