Ask Lemmy

Standing in a subway at 17 after shotting an entire bottle of vodka in a row.

The world started spinning then nothing.

Woke up in the tub vomit all over myself still dressed.

Can't even stand the smell of vodka now and it's been 15 years

Like an hour or two before the wedding. There was no turning back by then, or so it seemed, at the time.

A hot day with still air, I poured gas on a brush pile and opened the valve on an old propane tank, the brush pile was slightly up hill from a wall and I was between the wall and brush pile in what amounted to a large cloud of mixed gas vapors.

I lit my zippo, I realized I fucked up when I saw the horror on my wife's face and at that moment I understood how much she needed me and I had better try to live through this.

I was standing in the lunch line of my K-12 school when a kid I was only vaguely acquainted with quipped, "I want to leave the world the way I entered it, naked and screaming."

This was during the height of the Yo Mama joke era, so I quipped back, "No one wants to hear what you and your mom do behind closed doors," and the whole line got quiet.

Turns out his mom died in a car crash earlier that month.

Another one was when I had just moved to a different location for my company as a help desk tech. I got a ticket for someone named David, according to AD. I went into the area where they worked and asked the room, "Is David here today?"

The whole room went quiet. Turns out the week before I moved offices HR had a meeting to announce that David is now Alice.

Alice didn't give a fuck because I was obviously not dead naming her maliciously. After that we regularly hung out during smoke breaks.

The moment I agreed to take my ex back. She'd given me an ultimatum, and I took my friend's mom's advice that the answer to any ultimatum should default to no. But more than that it was a demand for me to live a very different life than the one I'd realized I wanted. She wasn't happy with that, and to be honest with myself I wasn't happy with her, I'd needed her for shelter. She wanted me to be normal and acceptable, and I wanted a life full of passion, excitement, and freedom.

We stayed together for a month after that. I'd agreed to get relationship counseling, but I only wanted it to help break up because I learned I don't have a spine and I did love her and want what's best for her. We didn't last that long. I still hope she's well even though last I heard she understandably hates me, though barring the apology I'll never get I have no desire to forgive her for how she treated me in the breakup or in her rising discontent that led to the ultimatum.

A few months later though I met my wife by living the life my ex wanted me to stop. She'd also been through a recent breakup along very similar lines.

When I grabbed the bottle of Ranch dressing off the counter in the break room at work, and shook it. The person before me had left the cap unscrewed, just resting on top.

My last roommate had an employer whose son died. The employer had a stark change of personality and started checking in on his workers more to make sure they were okay, getting paid enough, receiving the career benefits. It was a small company so not unusual to have dialogue like that.

My roommate invited friends over and they roasted this idiot dead-son guy becoming a total homosexual and pussy for considering that they might need to be compensated more. In 2023. In a location experiencing a rent crisis. One month in I realized I had moved in with a psychopath. Two more months later I was gone. Would have been sooner but I was in a crisis myself and had no options

Lashed out at someone who came to me for help then realized she would've been the perfect partner.

I was just a medical student. Called the senior resident when Mr. D wouldn't wake up. Myxedema coma, likely triggered by the small dose of Ativan I ordered for him the night before. It was 36 years ago and I still think about him all the time.

I feel this should be answered with a number of pancakes. So, what do you say?

For me, I have far too many to count at this point, but one that comes to mind was a few seconds after the roller coaster ride when I decided I shouldn't have had that sub minutes before the ride. I got to see that sub again almost immediately after that.

I had $0.14 in my checking and $0.07 in my savings and my mortgage was three months behind and I didn’t have a job and I didn’t have anybody I could turn to for money. I realized how much I had and how I wasted it all. And knowing that climb to get back was going to be hard.

So I was visiting a friend while he was house sitting, and we were drinking tequila and playing magic the gathering. After a bit I busted out my meme unicorn deck. For the whole match, every time I played a unicorn I yelled "unicorn!" and took a shot of tequila. After one of these, I immediately said "well shit", marched into the bathroom and promptly threw up. Apparently the abruptness was funny as hell, and I haven't lived it down since.

I woke up in the hospital with an IV drip into my arm and an automatic BP cuff on my arm which blew up every fifteen minutes. Last thing I remembered was being at a party getting black out drunk.

One time I was chopping wood with a wedge axe. These were big chunks of wood so it got hard stuck most swings. I'd leave the axe stuck on top and hit it with a sledge hammer to force it through which worked 95% of the time. (This is just how I was taught to do it lol)

Well one particular chunk of wood was lop-sided and I couldn't get a good hit with the axe, so I held the axe near the head while I swung down hard with the sledge to try and bop it.

It was probably the cold or maybe the gloves but the sledge went juuust a little short and right onto my thumb. It took a second or two for the pain hit to register but mentally I saw it happen in slow motion.

“POLICE! DON’T MOVE!”

When I saw the revolver in the cop’s hand

When I swallowed that sixth shot of Wild Turkey 101, I knew it was a mistake