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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CitizenKing on 2026-03-28 01:27:24+00:00.
Earlier this week I saw the movie "~~A Pink Opaque~~" "I Saw The TV Glow". For those of you unfamiliar, it's a trans allegory about being closeted and struggling with the choice of risking what you have to pursue an uncertainty that may or may not lead you to fulfillment, or resigning yourself to a familiar but safe misery.
I turned 37 earlier this month and the reality of my age had finally started to set in. I'd been harboring a nagging feeling of something being wrong with my life and watching the character in the movie have a breakdown triggered one of my own. I suddenly felt a terrible sense of regret and sorrow and fell into a pretty terrible depression. This was strange, since I'm pretty fairly medicated and have been stable for years. I then proceeded to have a panic attack that lasted for three days.
I broke down crying in the shower. I started rethinking every relationship that I'd ever had, every romance that I'd been given the opportunity to pursue but squandered. I indulged in a ludicrous amount of self-pity and realized that I desperately wanted to be a father. To nurture and love a child of my own, to protect them, to give them the patience, grace, and understanding I'd been desperate for in my childhood, to introduce them to the things I love and be introduced by them to the things they'd grown to love. To put up with sleepless night and tantrums and unreasonable demands and give this child a life where they never had to fear the same hand that comforts them. To watch them eventually grow apart from me into their own person, to be there for them with every success and failure, to be proud of them regardless of the path they'd taken.
As I sat here at my desk staring at nothing, and doing a little wallowing at the thought that I'd never actually be given the opportunity to do this, contemplating ending my life to escape this overbearing sadness and sense of regret, I started to wonder how I was feeling this way when my medication was specifically meant to stop this and has usually allowed me to approach these things with a calm and reasonable mind. I wondered If the new pharmacy I'd swapped to had maybe given me the wrong medication. Earlier this week, when I was about halfway through what was left of my bupropion (generic welbutrin), I went to the new pharmacy for the first time for a refill.
Today, about four days later, as I opened up my pill planner to take out and read the stamps to make sure I hadn't been given the wrong medication, I realized there were three bupropion pills where there should have been two. I normally also take three other medications every morning, and had forgotten to account for the old pills when I added the new prescription to the planner, not noticing the extra pill in the mix.
I normally take a single 150 and a single 300 to get to 450, the max dosage which I'd been on regularly for quite a while. My ADHD having ass forgot to account for the 300s that were already in the planner when I'd refilled it earlier this week, resulting in my taking not 450, but 750, roughly 66% more than the max dose for the past three days in a row.
TL;DR: I accidentally overdosed on my antidepressants for three days and had an artificial midlife crisis.
Good news is that I did learn a lot about what I was unsatisfied with in my life and will now be taking measures to address them, but holy shit this has been terrible.
Edit: I'm dumb and was still riding the physical symptoms of my panic attack, thankfully they're mostly gone now. The movie name isn't The Pink Opaque, its "I Saw The TV Glow". I'd edit the title, but I can't, so hopefully this will do to avoid confusion.