Ask Lemmy

so much lottery tickets!!!!!

Hire a fukn lawyer D:

Get me, my family, and my friends the fuck out of the US

Donate 900 million, give to friends and family 90 million, invest 10 million

Leave the US for a country that hasn't turned into a dictatorship yet.

I'd see a tax advisor and then a portfolio manager, and book driving lessons.

Next day I'd pay off my student loans

Buy a house far far away and leave this cesspool I currently call home.

I'd probably put an entire university worth of professors on payroll, along with an army of neurodivergence specialists to make it so I could actually make use of them. If I had functionally infinite money I could become so fucking gigabrain. The saving the world stuff should go without saying since we are all ensouled beings unlike the ghoulish husks who actually have billions of dollars.

cancel my benefits. tell my wife. I mean I would start trying to figure out my money but if a surface look indicated I was going to be set for life no matter what I do and if all the financials had some setup im sure we would definately take an extended vacay of no planning. Just go and do what we want and indulge. After a bit would start figuring out how to do something useful outside of be hedonistic and figure out where we want to live and such.

The problem is that everything I'd want to do would be opposed by other billionaires worth hundreds of billions.

go find where Musk is and beat the ever living fuck out of him, I'll be able to access him easier with my billion dollars, after that just do shit to help my local community.

Get the fuck out of this country

Trying to figure out how to tax them so I won’t get in trouble.

OR I’ll go to some remote island.

Buy one more bicycle and then figure out how the money can help me to make my city or at least the neighbourhood car-free.

Use my newly found influence in politics to make sure my kind cannot exist ever again.

Buy up every media, news, and politician I could find and put the DSA in charge of them.

Buy and build as many homeless shelters and communal food kitchens I can.

Become Batman and use my wealth to hunt my new peers.

Make sure I'm not still asleep and dreaming.

brush my teeth

Call my accountant

Probably cry from confusion as to how I became a billionaire??

Create a worldwide socialist revolution.

Get them breakfast?

Start giving lectures about the antichrist, buy a barrel of ketamine, pay women to sleep on a bed of cornflakes.

Buy back the politicians.

Triple-check that's it's real, make sure to secure it in multiple ways, then research charities so I can give most of it away. A couple of million € would already afford me all the luxuries that I could care about.

Not even sure what I'd actually spend money on that would improve my life. I seem to be accumulating medical issues that are difficult to diagnose, let alone treat; not sure that even a billion dollars would actually help much with that (we do have a somewhat sensible healthcare system in my country). I'd probably look into hiring some kind of personal assistant/caretaker/chauffeur, to improve my odds of actually making it to important appointments (or just having them do it for me, if it doesn't require that I personally show up).

Go back to sleep

Start trying to figure out the best way to give away most of it.

Buy a house and car for every one of my family members. After that I'd set aside a few million to live off the interest and spend the rest on actually fixing problems billionaires and the government refuse to do. Make a robust food distribution system that drastically reduces hunger in the world, build cheap affordable housing in rich people's neighborhoods, buy out land for the express purpose of installing a proper rail system across the state of California, that sort of thing.