When I was an alcoholic I diagnosed myself with lactose intolerance. I’d have the Gatling Shits and wonder ‘Hmm was it the 14 tallboy cans of beer last night or the half liter of milk I had for lunch? Must have been the milk.’
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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So your lactose intolerant huh? That sucks. I used to wonder what food was causing my rectum to bleed so much, but I've diagnosed that it wasn't something to worry about until my 40s.
Dealing with bleeding in my 40s after putting it off for a few years, don't recommend.
Yeah it started for me around 18 or so. I've put it off for 18 years now. I'm sure it was a mixture of drinking, dehydration, excessive running, stress and poor diet. For a little while I couldn't figure out if it was hemmroids from stress/riding a motorcycle and other strains but when I read more into the damages that can be done from long distance running all the time, I think that and diet caused most of it. Excessive alcohol use following that up didn't help much. I've learned that bad choices are my Pokemon, I apparently just have to catch them all before I learn anything
Username checks out?
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constipation can cause that, if shits are too hard too.
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I didnt get lactose intolerance until I was in my 30s. So weird that my body just decided "Nah, Im good with dairy products" all on it's own.
Really wish I would have discovered that earlier in life, before I developed my crippling cocoa pebbles addiction.
So weird that my body just decided “Nah, Im good with dairy products” all on it’s own.
That's actually the normal way your body is supposed to be. Most mammals lose their tolerance a little after they are weaned. Only some portions of humans retained lactase in their guts, generally groups that were pastoralists retained lactase and other groups didn't. It's why most east asian don't have lactose tolerance but Mongolians, some Sub-Saharan Africans, and Europeans do.
I've read that before, but I guess what strikes me as odd is how it wasn't until I hit my 30s that I suddenly started shitting my brains out whenever I consumed more than a small glass of milk. I drank a lot of milk growing up...it was pretty much that or water much of the time, and even after I went off to college and stuff I still went through a gallon by myself every 3 or 4 days. Not even just milk but WHOLE milk...I didn't switch to skim until my 20s when I moved in with my gf and she hated whole milk.
Anyways, after three decades of no issues whatsoever, and zero change in my habits, suddenly my body decided "NYET! NO MORE!!!" and my ability to properly digest lactose evaporated basically overnight. I didn't even make the connection until I was traveling and wasn't drinking any milk on my trip and didn't have any problems, but then got nearly crippled the next morning after I had a big ol bowl of Captain Crunch before bed the night I got home.
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OMG I did the same thing at a local pub. Thinking steak sandwich. Ordered one up. Pretty good! Went home, went to bed. Three hours later - gurgle - glorp - oh shit! The rest of the night it was coming out both ends. Feel fine after some sleep. Forget all about it. Three weeks later, at the same pub. Thinking steak sandwich again. Pretty good! Went home, went to bed. Sure enough, three hours later, lather, rinse, repeat. Feel fine after some sleep. Forget all about it. Three weeks later, go to the same pub. Thinking steak sandwich again, third time's the charm, right? My face when the pub had a sign up saying it was closed down for health code violations :/ To be fair, it was a good sandwich.
That's basically my experience with salvia in my late teens/early 20s. Enough time would pass where I'd think, "it really couldn't be as bad as I remember," and every time I learned that it could be worse than I remembered.
Also with smoking weed when very drunk.
Get checked for hepb if you're unvaccinated for it. It lingers after exposure. That shit will ruin your liver later if ignored.
There was a cheapo Japanese restaurant downtown. Plastic everything. Went there for lunch a while back. Worst Bento box ever.
Six months later. Hmm, Bento box sounds good. Go to this Japanese restaurant. Halfway through the awful meal, remember I'd been there! Swore never to go back. Again.
This cycle repeated SIX times.
What broke it was the whole building burning to the ground because of a grease fire.
Point is... hmm... Bento for lunch sounds good.
I have such good memories from my time in Fukuoka and the bentos on sale after a certain hour, it really was dirt cheap and super good. If my memory serves right, it was around 200¥, 230¥, something like that. Approximately 2€ ! even less today with the yen having lost value.
I had a similar experience involving pizza. Growing up I remember eating sbarro. I remember liking it. I know I liked the look of how shiny the pizza was. It reminded me of cartoon pizza.
Anyway, fast forward till I'm 30 year old man recruiting for the military. I was in malls walking around and I noticed the shiny pizza from sbarro. I ordered it. I ate it. It tasted like cardboard. I don't know if they changed their recipe, but chances are my taste buds just grew up and had better quality pizza over the years.
Well....I'm a slow learner and over the course of about 2-3 months I ended up eating sbarro like 3-4 times. Everytime I saw that shiny pizza, my brain had a nostalgia hit and I just went an ordered the 2 slice and a drink deal. After the last time, I wanted to throw it away but I forced myself to finish the cardboard pizza so I would remember how terrible it is.
I haven't had sbarro since.
The nice thing about pizza is that even when it's bad it's still pretty good.
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It’s fun to watch people self-diagnose food allergies.
In this case it would be an intolerance, and those you really do have to find on your own, unfortunately. And figuring it out can be extremely difficult.
It's one of them.
Flawed assumption. It could be both. You'll need to eat there at least two more times to find out, assuming each trial yields 100% certainty.
~~Edit: I thought it should be obvious that we're taking them absolutely at their word that they've properly isolated these two variables because this experiment exists inside a joke and never happened. The whole point of the joke is that the methodology is god awful and completely unrealistic, so questioning that they've truly isolated the variables is pointless.~~
Edit 2: Wait, I totally misread the experiment setup. @TheYojimbo@lemmy.world is entirely correct that they've eliminated nothing if the experiment is totally defined by 8 bowls and 8 bouts of diarrhea. They're still converging on at least one cause, but there could still be others. My career is ruined.
In fact, they could be allergic to some or all of the ingredients eliminated. Or to the delivery driver's personal hygiene.
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Pretty sure he's forgetting the constant variable, where x equals the times the cook uses the porta potty divided by the times he washes his hands.
(i.e division by zero = butthole undefined, or maybe infinite diarrhea).
You mean the tuna and the house sauce weren't the two variables this guy tried isolating first?
He literally tried removing rice and all the vegetables before thinking "hmm, maybe it's the tuna or the sauce."
What a loon. He deserves every one of those awful shits.
Good science doesn't start with biases friend.
Good science starts from the body of evidence we already know, creates a plausible hypothesis, and then tests that hypothesis to see whether it can be disproven.
We don't say "hey, maybe gravity isn't real so to be unbiased I need to assume it's not and test every other possibility before determining what keeps making these bricks fall on my head every time I throw them up in the air"
No need to reinvent the wheel for every experiment.
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Good science will use previous norms, findings and general trends to provide a more useful starting point tho.
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Fun fact: This is not actually much different from the process of testing which foods trigger your IBS. After keeping the low FODMAPs diet, wherein you initially remove all possible triggers, you then test them one by one to see which ones you have specifically.
This is me. Turns out basically everything gives me dhiarrea.
Is your username inspired by this?
It is indeed!
I feel like a binary search method would work too
A Binary search requires a ordered data set. Something like "if you react to X, you will also react to any X+1, X+2... X+n. Food is not ordered, you cant know if you react badly to bell peper because you reacted badly to whole grain wheat.
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No, it's very different.
When you have multiple allergies/intolerances, starting at zero and then adding one thing at a time is a lot more efficient than removing one thing at a time.
Removing one thing at a time will create many false negatives, where you remove a hit but don't notice because you left another hit behind.
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It's a shame that this is a re-post: I would like to know if the culprit was the tuna or the house sauce.
Plot twist: its because they never properly cleaned the prep area, the fridge was too warm and the employees didnt wash their hands regularly when switching between the cash register and food handling.
Repeatedly off tuna without smell would be kind of hard to replicate.
My bet is on the sauce (like they kept reflling the same contaminated container)
Repeatedly getting sick from a work surface or employee hygiene seems sketch. up to 50% of the times and i'd be on board, but every time....
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Could also be the owner that never washes his hands.
I did the same thing at our local sushi restaurant. For a while I was convinced it was the iced tea.
Nope, I just randomly became allergic to fish in my 20s.
i thought my beer had expired one night because i had a terrible time on the toilet at 4am but i totally forgot i ate an entire wedge of blue cheese earlier
Beer tastes bad when it goes bad, yeast is really good at protecting itself - there's nothing in beer that anything can eat without oxygen so nothing can reproduce, most things can't survive the alcohol.
Beer in commercial places doesn't have time to go bad they empty multiple kegs a week, a keg typically holds about 100 pints
My homebrew setup uses kegs that hold about 35 pints and they don't empty quicker than in a season, some of my beers are on tap for a year or more. Beer life is limited by oxygen penetration and temperature.
If it's exposed to air it goes bad in days to weeks depending on temperature but it goes bad by the yeast converting it to vinegar, and that very quickly tastes bad, even very drunk people tip out rather than drink an even slightly oxidised beer
I had a beer once that had been put in the freezer and then forgotten about and it did sort of frozen and exploded at the same time. So I got it out of the freezer and put it on the side and it thawed out over the course of the next day but it tasted awful afterwards. It was probably out on the side for 4 or 5 hours before I came home from work, saw that it is now finally defrosted, and put it in the fridge. So that's a very fat turnaround.
dude I've def ate food I loved the taste of but knew it was gonna make me shit liquid fire.
On the off chance this isn't just a joke and never happened, in theory they had to have eaten the exact same dish each time, but requested removal of a single ingredient, and are now down to the last two eliminations?
The only problem with this method being they're going in with the assumption that a single ingredient is causing the issue, when it could be multiple or all of the ingredients - or even a result of poor hygiene from the person preparing these pokes.
"I'd like a poke bowl with no ingredients, and to lick your hands."
And that's why I came into the office drinking a bottle of house sauce.
8 times.
Human capacity never ceases to amaze me.
This guy. Taking the bullet for all of us. A true scientist.
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