Dad Jokes

I feel "guess it's free" is soooo overused, I feel like it grates on cashiers nerves, beyond a good groaner, so instead I say "aw crap, does this mean it's triple price?"

I always say "flock of cows" to bait someone into saying "herd of cows" so that I can say "of course I've heard of cows!" Watching their faces is priceless.

How dad are you?

No, it's "dad, how are you?"

As someone who used to work in retail, if I’m ever caught saying “guess it’s free then,” I sincerely hope everyone in the store immediately stops what they’re doing to form an orderly line to take turns slapping the piss out of me.

Ouch… 18/20

Edit: They forgot the mandatory clicking of the tongs after picking them up.

The last one requires you to pat the load three times or the magic doesn’t work.

I feel personally attacked

I refuse to use any of these.
Instead I like to come up with my own new ones.

Like when someone comes back in right away after forgetting something.
I'm like: "Finally! Do you know how worried I've been?"

8, and I'm a woman without children 🤔

I feel attacked and inspired.

A lot of these are just normal things people say. Like, "what's the damage" is just a normal way to ask a price in English.

Don’t forget the mandatory testing of the drill in the air.

I like to yell "HEY!" and point at a field full of hay bales. The wife almost always looks briefly concerned until she sees it, and then gives me the "a-doy" look. I think she secretly loves it though.

Before I was a dad, I would say a lot of these ironically, fully aware of and referencing the cliche. Now, they're just part of me.

A ton of these are part of my daily routine.

damn. I must have kids somewhere !

(add it to the list)

4, no surprise, I am not fit to be a parent.

I'm checking enough that I stopped counting

Lower than I thought, but still higher than I'd care to admit.

Does "look, cows" count?

Nothing about a lot of grocery bags and exactly one walk?

A lot of these are default reactions in Germany (also by women).

Me, in the middle of tying my shibari bottom: “That’s not going anywhere.”

I am quite surprised how many Lemmy users have such high scores on the dadness meter.

I am dad of two and I perceive myself as a pretty square, but I have near to 0 points.

Oh. I am fully dad.

I don't know, can you?

Answering yes to a one or the other question

Monty Python and/or Naked Gun quotes