this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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all 41 comments
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[–] nasquamesse@lemmy.zip 3 points 6 days ago

I feel seen

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ah shit. Sorry, I was stabbing someone. Guess I don’t get that coffee. 😔

[–] cRazi_man@europe.pub 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If you're stabbing a bad guy then you're still eligible for the coffee.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Everybody who stabs people thinks they're the bad guys.

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I stabbed myself so I don't actually get to pedantically ask whether it is the stabber or stabee that is considered the baddie :(

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

Usually when I do that it's more like who's the klutz.

[–] diffaldo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago

schrödinger's baddie

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Does your uniform have skulls on it?

[–] WandowsVista@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

thank you. this gave me the motivation I needed to stop scrolling on my phone in bed and to instead scroll on my phone from the can

with coffee

[–] flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ya can't stop progress!

(and by progress, we meant substance dependency)

[–] WandowsVista@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

I can stop anytime I want!

...my happiness is just dependent on me not wanting that.

[–] JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I don't drink coffee. What alternative rewards are available to me for being kinda awake & reading words & not stabbing anyone?

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Aah yes chocolate is a lovely reward for not stabbing anyone.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm all out of chocolate and I've got a plethora of knives. *Opens used knife stand. $2 Dollar knives or a chocolate bar!

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

As a coffee preferer myself, I think if you have tea you'd be allowed a compensatory biscuit.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Can I at least stab someone a little bit?

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

It did say "probably"! I think that's your loophole. Just pick a "Vic #1" type target.

(As in whodunnits where everyone has a motive to kill THAT guy)

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Isn’t being stabbed a binary condition? Like being pregnant. You’re either stabbed or you’re not.

[–] OldSageRick@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 week ago

I would prefer a nice cup of black tea instead please

[–] Maxxus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Apollo teasing just the tip.

[–] Maxxus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 week ago

Then stabbing your fucking eyeballs while trying to get coffee.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

Thank you Maxxus, it's been a long night and you just made facing the day worthwhile

[–] JusticeForPorygon@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You know what? I do deserve a coffee.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

What about second coffee?

[–] Klear@quokk.au 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Way ahead of you with that coffee.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 week ago

Look how EFFICIENT you are!

[–] jade52@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 week ago

Thanks, I do deserve another coffee.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 week ago
[–] RiceMunk@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Phew, thanks for reminding me that I need to go stab some people today! And thanks for the coffee; helps me stab better!

[–] Nollij@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 week ago
[–] VeryInterestingTable@jlai.lu 5 points 1 week ago

Don't mind if I do. ☕😌

[–] miked@piefed.social 5 points 1 week ago

Thanks. I'm drinking my first beer to celebrate not stabbing anyone yet today.

[–] CubitOom 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This sounds like a quote from Disco Elysium, so now I got this image in my head, which I will share.

[–] shneancy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

sounds kinda like something exurb1a would say

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I was just thinking about that.

[–] ComradeMiao@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

hope that dood in ikebukuro doesnt read this tonight... too late little sunbeam

[–] Aeao@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

I’m not stabbing anyone righ now! Maybe I am a good person! I am slicing someone right now but that isn’t a stab!