Boss on Teams: Why are you off-line?
Me: I'm not. I'm talking to you.
Boss: Oh....
My cares about tracking vanished in that moment.
this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2026
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Context?
Apparently a spoon left on your laptop trackpad can trick Teams into thinking you're still there and never marking you as "away".
Lmaooooo
Lol, I got one of those cheap mouse wigglers (mini usb plug, shows up as a Bluetooth mouse) when I could have used a spoon 😁, I'd actually pay good money for one that only wiggles every now and then and not twice a second though.
i got one you put a mouse on and plugs into a socket so the mouse is always moving, and a device that clicks my ESC key - again mechanical, so they can't detect any devices or software and there's regular MnK activity.
Although the real sneaky shit is to attack the staging directory that uploads the images and activity JSON with an OS chronjob with an identical name to the tracking software so it uploads corrupted files
Buy a WeVibe and control it from your phone! As a bonus, after you're done fucking your boss's exploitation of your labor, you can fuck yourself!
Ah, I just tend to put my mouse upside down as the LED lighting in my room cause the mouse to move erratically.
So can something heavy that depresses one of the directional keys.
Or at least that used to work, been a few years since I tried it.
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Here you go my friend
Thanks for educating all the fork pilled people out there
How does that relate to Teams?
Your Teams doesn't come with a spoon? You should contact customer support. Something is seriously wrong with your account.
How does it not!?
I assume you rest/wedge a spoon on your keyboard to hold down a key so Teams won't mark you as away?
Afaik Teams user activity went AI at the end of last year.
Also
xdotool mousemove $(echo $(( ${RANDOM} % 800 ))) $(echo $(( ${RANDOM} % 600 )))
I don't like having the mouse actually wiggle for teams to stay active. Makes it really annoying to jump back in when you get an impromptu call and have to fiddle with things to get the wiggler back off.
There's a program called caffeine that instead simulates a button like F15 (so one that's unlikely to show up on a real keyboard or be mapped to do anything) being pressed once a minute, so you can just set the program to run and it will never interfere with you actually using the computer.
I'm a fan of scroll lock, not too useful but powershell is more than happy to turn it on and then back off 200ms later at random intervals... All while showing me a countdown to quitting time and a day counter until I'm out the door.
I have had a scroll lock vbscript that I have used for years that just turns it on/off every minute. This is the way.
However, we are on Windows 10 still (I assume parent company is paying for LTS) and Microslop keeps breaking teams on Win 10 so we are all using the browser version right now which shows you away if you don't have that specific window/tab active, so it just shows everyone as away nearly 24/7, so management can't use it as a metric at the moment and it's fantastic.
Yeah caffeine has been around a long time. I'm sure these simple solutions won't last much longer. They will us AI to monitor the actions are meaningful so people will use AI to make the actions look meaningful and so on...
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If you understandably don’t want to tamper with scripts or installations on your work computer, pull up your own chat, as if you were going to send yourself a message, then select the text box, then put something heavy on your down arrow key. Congrats, you’re now indefinitely free.
Nice, whatcha packing in that box?
World’s most illegal deck, maybe
Oh. Oh my. Its beautiful. Green stompy goodness that I'm sure performs really well.
What?
You can beat any Microsoft employee to death with a spoon.
But why a spoon?
don't worry buddy I gotcha
BECAUSE IT'S DULL YOU TWIT, IT HURTS MORE
Finally somebody gets it!
...Uhhh, space after hash, please.
Test!
does it display differently for you? I'm on Sync
I'm on Voyager. It shows just a hash. AFAIK Markdown does require a space after the hash anyway...
They hit you with it. Then hit you again. And again. and again and again and again and again and again and again...
Why not?
But cousin, why a spoon? Why not an axe or a knife?
Because it hurts more
For me teams fails to track activity outside the chromium window because I haven't enabled the permission for the web app to see activity outside teams...
This causes me to go "away" when I'm not actively using teams, but honestly don't care enough. People still write to me and I answer when I got time
I don't want to install it, so when I accidentally close the browser tab, it's just silence for me. Really started to embrace the focus time I get from that.
I stand by the belief that management that needs this level of surveillance software needs to be in trouble as well. Management should have reasonable expectations and expect you to achieve them in a reasonable amount of time.
This isnt even a comparison. Obviously spoony boy would win.
I am so happy I decided to change careers and left corporate hell to start my own business. I never have to make sure my mouse moves ever again.
What’s your plan to make it sustainable?
So far it's done well for the past 5 years, but it is harder now to find clients because the economy sucks and everyone is struggling (I'm a psychotherapist in the US). I have to plan for periods of drought, and make sure I keep up with marketing and networking.
Honestly, in my field, once you get a good reputation, you will be OK. It's hard starting out, and I got lucky because I started out during COVID. Tons of demand back then, and some of those clients are still with me. Now I get referrals from clients and fellow therapists because I am established.
Oh my god, I love spooning my team!
I am voting for the spoony boy!
Looong ago I enjoyed watching "the spoony one" on YouTube
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