this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 135 points 1 week ago (43 children)

Just remember, if you see someone stealing food...

...No you didn't

[–] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip 31 points 1 week ago

Last time I saw someone grabbing some food the only reason I saw them was to mention a security guard who was about to turn down the aisle. Gotta watch out for each other

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I once remember reading a story where a police SQUAD chased a woman for over 3 hours in a police chase.

The crime? She had stolen 2 loafs of pumperknickle bread, and ran out of the store. Employees chased her, got her liscense plate, and cops pursued.

They then arrested her, and I forget the exact jailtime she got, but it was more than 10 years. If I were an employee, I'd have "chased" her. Just enough to get my bosses to think I was trying, but then oh no, I'm too fat and slow! She got away in the parking lot.

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 1 points 6 days ago

If she got 10 years it's prolly cause the had prior warrants but yeah fuck who reports two loaves of bread to the cops

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

https://youtu.be/KElPwmwP8co

Police fucked this lady up for a candy bar and 20oz drink iirc. I fucking hate cops. Broke her arm, slammed her on the ground then laughed at the videos later with their coworkers.

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[–] OwOarchist@pawb.social 21 points 1 week ago (7 children)

*stealing anything. (As long as they're stealing from a business, at least.)

You could be holding the cashier at gunpoint and emptying out the register, and I didn't see shit.

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Stealing is one thing, pointing guns at employees is not okay

[–] MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 47 points 1 week ago (14 children)

Corporation, you mean.

The word business covers honest people making an honest living running their own thing, too.

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[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 20 points 1 week ago

I'm ok with stealing ftom the store. I'm not ok with them endangering the cashier.

[–] you_are_dust@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You lose me at the point where you're pointing a gun at someone that is just trying to make a living. Stuff merchandise down your pants all you want I guess, don't point a weapon at someone making minimum wage.

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[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

I mean, you should probably tell them that it's unsafe to point a gun at people.

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Not small mom and pop shops. Anything on the stock exchange absolutely.

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[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Stealing anything not from a private non rich individual.

[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I actually am excited to teach my kid tricks to get free shit from places like Amazon and Walmart. I've mentioned my excapades a few times, and have instilled in him we don't steal from our neighbors no matter how small, people work hard for their shit. But companies that report $54 BILLION in profit and treat their employees like trash are fair game.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

The Robinhood this world deserves.

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[–] UnGlasierteGurke@feddit.org 71 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

"Free Switch 2 when you bring your switch."

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 9 points 1 week ago

for the ultimate Switch-a-roo!

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[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 55 points 1 week ago
[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 20 points 1 week ago

Most people pay twice as much

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Don't even need to steal it, just gotta show the staff your fidget spinner tits and they get so amazed that they give you everything for free. I've been doing it since 2019

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wait. Am I replacing my tits with fidget spinners, or am I supposed to be affixing fidget spinners to my tits?

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Born that way, your mother would have had to use fidget spinners as utensils the entire time she was pregnant. For every single meal.

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[–] swab148@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 week ago

Now I just gotta find a good surgeon with questionable morals...

Some grocery stores only give a staff discount on certain days of the week. But the five-finger discount works every day

[–] eletes@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

I once saw a lady walk right through the self checkout and out the door. The only reason she got caught was she picked up a big frozen crab legs box and that triggered the alarm.

[–] FerretyFever0@fedia.io 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Entrapanure is great, love their shit on youtube. Maybe I should look for their other accounts. Didn't realize they had any. https://youtube.com/shorts/N3CiOjTDTEs This is their most popular short so far.

[–] Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yeah I'm a huge fan of the channel and their associations. My favorite is probably the one's are usually the Dupont method series.

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[–] melsaskca@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

We are not that far from vandal hordes surviving by pillaging and looting. Just make sure you are on the bigger hordes side and you should be okay. It all starts with shoplifting out of necessity and lack of opportunity.

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