I can't think of one that would be as universal as the sir/ma'am pair.
I think it's probably most polite to ask them.
Or at least to assume one or the other, use it with an enquiring tone, apologise if corrected and move on.
this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2026
129 points (87.3% liked)
Ask Lemmy
38847 readers
1721 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Oftentimes I just leave out honorifics when I am unsure of the gender or preferred terms of the person I am speaking with. If I know for a fact that they are non-binary then "Mx" can work, though not everyone is fond of it and I would hate to offend. Honestly I usually just substitute it in ways such as the below (though i speak pretty casually in general).
What can I do for you friend?
Sure thing love
Have a nice day hun
load more comments
(2 replies)
Yo!
Xir?
In writing it works, in person, not so much.
Kinda like saying most churches are more interested in profits than prophets. It takes very precise pronunciation to deliver that one verbally lol
One of my favorite sci fi authors addressed it like this:
M.
Mr? Mrs? Miss? Ms? Nope. "M."
Steve Perry - great books. He did a bunch of licensed books for Star Wars and Aliens, but his own universe is excellent!
Buddy, Friend, Majesty, Squire
"Hey"
Personally, I'm in favour of "mamsir", which is the obvious compounding of "ma'am" and "sir". The Internet tells me it's used in the Philippines, but I could have sworn I first heard of it being used in India π€·ββοΈ
I think boss works decent as a neutral way to respectfully address some body in a position of authority, I have refered to many a manager and or client as "boss" when I dont know know their name
In a similar vein, what are you supposed to call aunts/uncles that are non-binary?
Certainly not late for dinner. Or at least that's what they tell me
load more comments
(1 replies)