With a scale you could narrow it down pretty quickly
this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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Well little Timmy, since you were SO thoughtful taking the labels out of the cans, you are going to play canned flood roulette for the next week. This means, for an entire week you pick one can at random for your dinner, and you are not allowed to have another food outside of what the can offers. In the meanwhile, the rest of us will eat your favorite things in front of you, while you are in your sad corner eating your can of food. Me and your mother are going to place bets to see how long your spirit lasts. Let the games begin
My friend's parents tried this sort of punishment mindset with him when it was a kid. He ended up grounded with increasingly draconian punishments for roughly five years because of the shockingly impressive stubbornness of all people involved until they "gave up on him" after 7th grade (yes, this literally started when he was a 2nd grader). He ended up moving out on his own at 16 and dropping out of school and didn't really have a relationship with them for a good decade and a half.
I don't really have any words of wisdom from this other than never underestimate a person's ability to defy logic. It just ended up ruining the whole family's experience for a long, long time.
Edit: I did just remember something "funny" about the whole thing. My friend didn't really know how to, or enjoy, doing a lot of things that pretty much all kids did because of his seemingly eternal grounding. And he was quite literally the palest person I have ever known because he only went outside to get on the bus for school. His parents turned him into some sort of cave person lol
Is your friend Butters Stotch?
Nah, he was (well is, we're still friends after 30 years) actually pretty cool unlike the South Park character. I guess it was easy to be cool when you gave no fucks about getting in trouble.
Punishments are like the least effective way to convince/teach someone
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My parents attempted that with me, not the can-roulette part, but I was a picky eater, so in order to get me to eat new foods and expand my palate, they would give me food and say, you're not having anything but that. You're sitting at the table till it's done. While they ate food that I definitely did like.
They ended up giving up on it because I would sit at the table for hours on end and even sleep at the table. And due to the fact that I don't feel hunger until im basically almost fainting, I would basically put myself on the brink of feeling faint, which concerned them.
I'm no longer extremely picky. I'm still picky, but no longer to the extreme extent that I used to be.
That's an entirely different situation though. Picky eater is more of a clinical issue. And brute forcing such things never works. Kid being an asshole however, well that, that we can fix reverse assholianism.
Well it can till you end up dealing with a kid stubborn enough to harm themselves.
Then you just end up ruining your relationship with your kid for life in an attempt to harm them psychologically because your parenting skills are dog shit.
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Lol.
Guess what "kid" is having for dinner for the next month?
"How should I know? You ripped all them labels off, you tell me?"
Beans, and uh beans?
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That's most of the next month's dinner for your kid. They get to pick out one can a night.
Or instead of child abuse, you could make him work at a soup kitchen and appreciate the value of wasting food
Real life consequences.
Yet another in a long series of examples of why I never wanted kids.
You do know that odd stuff happening kind of makes life worth living? This is a mild inconvenience in the moment but a story to tell and laugh about for decades. This is net positive by miles and miles.
I'd just cook normal recipes but with a random can whenever it called for a can of something. Then thats whats for dinner and if the kiddo don't like, he can go hungry until breakfast.
I chuckled once reading the story, but if it was my kid I'd be furious for a day and think it was hilarious for weeks, including that day
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This would be the highlight of my week. I love telling my friends about the devious shit my 2 yo comes up with this is peak rebellion.
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The obvious consequence for his actions are right there. Use the mystery cans of food against him (put them inside a pillowcase and use it to thrash the devil out of him)
Go buy a canned something you know they don't like. Remove the labels and replace some of the cans with it. Require them to eat a mystery can a week.
This reminds me of an episode of Home Improvement. When they bought cans of food with the labels peeled off because they were pretty much free.
Tim said, 'these have no labels on them. They could be artichokes or dog food' and one of the boys (forgot who) said, ' the way mom cooks... I don't think it makes a difference'.
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Yeah that turns into whatever I open you eat I hope you enjoy Spaghetti with ragu and canned peaches.
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This pic is so old it owes a caveman $20.
Caveman no have can opener. Caveman sad.
I never understood being grounded. When I was a kid, we just snuck out anyway because what are they gonna do, super ground us?
For me at least, being grounded was the preferable alternative to having my ass beaten physically off my body with the nearest leather belt or wooden implement. I can serve my time and be free afterward, or I can make things worse for everyone involved, and still be grounded but also be physically harmed while I'm grounded.
Was this good and right? Hell if I know, man. It feels like a fundamental disrespect of someone's human rights, but also, I was ten, and it succeeded in teaching me to be less of an incorrigible little fucker.
It was wrong and there were other ways to get you to be less of an incorrigible little fucker that wouldn’t have hurt you so much.
It's called child abuse.
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Guess it’s supper roulette time! Kid even gets to choose the can!
- Why is the casserole so dry? Well the cream of mushroom soup turned out to be garbanzo beans.
- Why are the nachos so soggy? The refried beans turned out to be coconut milk.
- Oh boy! Spaghetti with progresso and meatballs.
- And for dessert? Mmmm, baked bean upside down cake!
This is an excellent idea. Now, not only as a kid eating crappy food. The entire family is annoyed with the kid. This is a win-win
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Honestly, we're going to see this kid on a dateline special and the psychiatrist will spout off some name in Latin for this disorder.
Asymmetric warfare
Two by two, hands of blue...
Well now everyone's having lucky dip dinners from now on
Nah. We're making a grocery run to get new stuff for everyone else and the shithead gets mystery cans until they're eaten.
And by "everyone", you mean "just that kid", right?
Mah fookin beans mate
Post-apocalyptic lootboxes.
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