This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/dancingonsaturnrings on 2026-03-17 21:38:08+00:00.
Refreshing, delicious orange jewels of a fruit piled on display at the store. Wow. Two dollars. Maybe three dollars. Who could resist such temptations? I pick up a bag, a singular bag because I do know restraint. This is a treat. Let alone my bag can barely carry anything.
Braving winds and cold to return home, I finally sit with my hoard, rejoicing. I tear into the netted bag and devour one, excellent fruit. The sharp citrus flavor bursts on the tongue, sweet, scrumptious. Another mandarin, because I can and because I want to. A third mandarin....the doubt starts settling in. Should I have this one? I've had tummy aches before when eating fruit with reckless abandon. Is three a crowd when talking about oranges?
I peel and eat the third mandarin. From here on out, I lose count of how many I have eaten. I have tunnel vision, there is only mandarins. I am eating with a greed one could call biblically persecuted, and I am willingly blind to the consequences hurtling my way. I am at least 1% orange now. Everything is citrus scented. I cease. I am full of mandarins. I do not need more.
I lay in bed, accepting solemnly that I most likely will regret this. I sleep soundly, carried by the kind of calm that can only preceed a storm. Everything is dark. I'm cozy and warm. The fog of dreams blurs reality... pain.....something hurts. I shift. It still hurts. I alternate between being asleep and thinking *this hurts*. I am roused awake by my disapproving bowels coiling themselves into excruciating knots. I drag myself to the bathroom, knowing immediately I am paying the price for my unwise choices. What happens in there shall be unspoken. Regret. Painful, painful regret. Is this moment ungodly or is this divine retribution? The rest of the morning is spent curled up in a ball, clutching a heating pad, making sounds only a beast could as the digestive feast tears its way through my body.
In conclusion, perhaps reconsider the orange [also applicable outside of fruits].
TL;DR: tifu by eating a questionable amount of mandarins and being woken up by the consequences of my own actions
Bonus: you can play classical music while you do breathing techniques, which helps with the pain and also makes the situation significantly more ridiculous