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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Spirited-Height-9533 on 2026-03-17 22:47:00+00:00.
For some prior context, I (17f) have an older brother (18m) that loves me to the ends of the earth, and loves to spoil me with treats, outings and video games. And I have a beloved mother (42f) who had to take care of us as a single mother, with the help of my grandparents, ever since I was two.
Today at dinner, we were talking about what life at college might be for me, and just as I was about to mention what I want the apartment to look like, my mom kind of interrupts me and says that if I get accepted into a specific college in the country I plan to go to, my government provided student salary will be twice the amount as my brothers, because it's a prestigious university.
And I half-jokingly say "oh so I get to spoil [brothers name]!", since I wanna give back what he's given me all these years.
My mom suddenly got really serious and said, "no dear, even if you make more money than him you can't *spoil* him" (this is because we're middle eastern, and it's frowned upon for a woman to be 'spoiling' a man, regardless of relations)
My uncle then said "why not? It's her money, she can do as she likes with it", which made my mom say "no, I don't want her to get used to paying for others and end up getting used and relied on too much"
And my uncle kept insisting that she shouldn't tell me what to do with my 'adult' money, and my mom kept saying "she's not an adult yet, I need to instill these values into her so that she doesn't end up like me"
And the conversation just got worse and worse, with my mom tearing up and openly admitting to everyone how much pressure she's under and how many people rely on her and her money and the mental toll it took on her throughout her life, and how divorcing my dad made her 'too much of a hero', and at this point she's crying and wiping her tears.
it turns into a yelling match, but my grandma finally intervened, and got them to stop.
I just felt awful about the whole thing, all I meant was that I was going to treat my brother to a few things, and my mom knew what I meant too. She just wanted to make sure I didn't end up like her, she wanted me to be a princess forever, because she never got the chance.
I wish I never said such a stupid thing, I know how sensitive my mom is about people relying on me, and she's so afraid of me being used like she was (and still is). And my uncle just never got the message, I love him but he can be such an instigator, every conversation we have with him ends up tense and controversial.
TLDR; I joked about spoiling my brother, and when my mom said she didn't want people to rely on me financially, it turned into a huge emotional argument between my uncle and mother, causing her to cry.