I think it has to do with community size. Even on reddit, the smaller and more insular communities are much more pleasant than the frontpage ones.

That hasn't really been my experience. Lemmy seems nicer on the surface because most of the userbase is ideologically aligned, so conflict is less likely. But once you make the wrong noises about something, plenty of people show up ready to prove just how mean and horrible they can actually be.

Also, on Reddit I never had anyone follow me around trying to cause reputational damage by spreading false accusations about me.

Probably just the law of large userbases. The more people around, the more rude people there are likely to be. Rude people are always a minority, but they tend to be more vocal.

A large portion of fediverse users have abandoned Reddit for moral or ethical reasons. So while occasionally people will be rude here, it tends to skew more towards polite discussion.

1 . The extra steps to find a fedi instance and create a new account is usually too tedious for the post-first-think-later kind of guy.

2 . The like/dislike function are present, but the lack of shitty function like karma, medals etc. don't push the users in some kind of frenzy "contest" where copy-pasted crap or Ai-slop flood the platform.

3 . The flow of new contents is too slow to encourage doom-scrolling types. The users who stays more of a week are usually people interested in discuss things and actually "read" other comments.

You just haven’t found the right counts yet.

Watch this:

Firefox sucks donkey dick.

Bruh, I've been called all sorts of nasty things here. Your experiences are not universal.

Idk man, the first comment I made here got assaulted with hatred. It’s been fine since then but it definitely had me worried.

I think some bots are trained to be controversial and mean. Controversial take would be that age verification roots out the young pranksters from certain communities.

I'd say part of it is likely raw userbase size. Like how even the most positive, well-meaning fandoms turn toxic at the edges when they get large enough.

It's because that is the end game of upvote/downvote communities.

All is them become whatever gets engagement. Enjoy lemmy while it's good, but if we get big it will only be a few years until we are the same.

Other commenters have made really good points (like the one about us self-selecting to be here after leaving more toxic social media, or the one about engagement algorithms on Reddit encouraging hostility.)

As a smaller site, each of us holds more sway in building what this community is. There are definitely people here that see that and want to continue fostering a more positive experience. A lot of users here have interests in science, especially computer science, and a lot of users come from around the world. Both of these create a space that encourages rationality more than US-based popular social media (like Reddit.) Logical fallacies are called out for what they are, and plenty of people here are of the mindset that pointless drama isn’t worth engaging with. It’s not absolute, no, but compared to Reddit? It’s like another planet.

I definitely feel the vibe of old school computer forums. Small communities where people remember each other’s usernames and backstories encourage us to find common ground. Reddit’s near-anonymity has the downsides of any large-scale online anonymity - people can get mean because they don’t recognize the humanity of whoever’s on the other end of the argument. Here, we are still somewhat anonymous, but you run across some of the same names over and again. Like a small town where people all know each other, you end up more accountable for your shit-stirring because you’ll encounter the same people more frequently.

Oh, and one last point, the average age here is higher than Reddit. IIRC we’re mostly in our 30s. Age and maturity may hold sway in our behavior here as well.

You haven't been to political communities

ITS THE BOTS, its to create divisive in every reddit it goes to, so people will overreact. Also alot niche subs will gatekeep the subject alot.

It depends on your communities. There are plenty of proudly toxic people on the fediverse.

honestly I spent most of my time on reddit on specific communities and people were generally nicer when gathered about a particalur topic like an mmo or an rpg system. So can't say I encountered all that many bad reddit folks.

Sadly i think thats just people. Ive also seen it on smaller places like here on lemmy

You're doing good, but both "ingen av bedriften din" (no one of your company) and "dette er ikke din sak" (this is not your case) is equally wrong. Both are saying English phrases in Norwegian, which makes it sound strange. This is the closest I can think of in the early morning fog of mind: "Ha'kke du no' med" - østlandsk "Har ikke du noe med" - bokmål

Instead of translating English phrases, I'd recommend trying to look up Norwegian phrases and see if any fits your need.

I’ve had a couple interactions that left me feeling pretty meh. Idk.

I'm not sure why people are so intent on excusing reddit with "oh people are just inherently mean" or "it's because there's a large userbase"..

No it's because most of the "people" on reddit are bots lol, it's the same as all the big platforms. It's just a fuckload of bots trying to make people as angry at each other as possible, because that drives more engagement and politically benefits the people running the bots and who own the platforms.
(and part of it is just that more """"users"""" means you can brag to advertisers and get more money).

People who aren't angry and aren't made to think everyone is a miserable shithead might do horrifying things like "become friends" and "help each other".
Or truly horrifyingly they might talk to each other and be convinced that rich people kinda suck actually, and we should do something about that, like stop using platforms owned by rich people.

I'm plenty rude on here, motherfucker

Theory:

People on Lemmy self select to be here, usually as a direct backlash to prevailing Reddit culture, management or behaviour.

Evidence: https://lemmy.world/post/41398418/21528414

Reddit is mainstream, discoverable, friction free for the masses.

OTOH, there is small (albeit deliberate) friction in engagement here, that hearkens back to USENET days. It's analog, messy and human. There are some bots here (to be sure) so I don't know how long the Golden Age of Lemmy will exist, but clearly this space was designed by someone who knows the old magics. It shows.

Therefore, if you posit an inverse correlation between "is an utter cunt" and "wants to interact on niche social media forum called Lemmy", I think you'd have a safe bet.

It's not a hard gate by any means, but it gambles (correctly IMESHO) on friction keeping the biggest trolls away. The ROI for being a cunt is demonstrably higher on Reddit, Tiktok etc. Bigger bucket.

Result: Lemmy is a nicer place to visit. For now.

Also, yes: I am Australian. Does it show? Cunt cunt cunty cunt cuntington III.

Shitty people feel big by making others feel small.

Lots of people are shitty. Here and on reddit. And easy way to attack people is over typos and grammar.

People tend to be assholes. The more people in one place, the lower the chance of nobody being an asshole, and it does usually only take one. Then you add the karma system, which causes people to perform for the internet points. It's not just people being a natural asshole for any number of reasons: people also reward the wrong things such as asshole behavior, Redditsplaining, zingers and stupid cringeworthy clichés. The karma factor is lower here, but still a thing.

Reddit is big enough that it’s a microcosm of humanity. The Fediverse hasn’t reached that level yet.

When I was on Reddit, most of the subreddits I hung out on were small, supportive, and friendly. A few I monitored weren’t — on purpose, so I could see what was going on in other places.

Funny thing is, for the most part, I’ve found matches for all those subreddits on Lemmy communities— although I had to browse through a bunch of hosting services to build up the same level of diversity.

Fuck Reddit and Fuck Spez.

Reddit is full of angsty teenagers, bots, and American leftists that hate their dads. Sometimes they're all the same account.

Hope you find more friendly folks here 🫡