this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] Godort@lemmy.ca 98 points 2 weeks ago

"The only thing prohibiting access to the backyard is the hornets nest we kicked"

[–] AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 71 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 66 points 2 weeks ago
[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 47 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If only there was some way of predicting this would happen, we wouldn't have done this! ;p

[–] rosco385@lemmy.wtf 3 points 2 weeks ago

It's almost as if they'd waited until... congress... had... authorised... the war, they wouldn't be left holding the bag by themselves.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 37 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The only thing preventing me from marrying that girl is that she shoots at me whenever I approach.

[–] some_designer_dude@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What you need is an armed escort. In a month. Then she’ll be all yours!

[–] Mycatiskai@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 weeks ago

Once you get through enough armed escorts that there is a pile of bodies to hide behind, she'll be all yours!

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Didn't you kill that girl's dad a few days ago?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

The old man had it coming, he was a real piece of shit. I'm not sure what she's not understanding, I think she's got some real mental problems. I just worry about her, you know?

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 25 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Didn't anyone in Trump's cabinet think that perhaps Iran would have used the Strait of Hormuz as a strategic tool? Or care to listen to the guy who did?

[–] Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 18 points 2 weeks ago

The only thing preventing Hegseth from being a genius is the fact he is an idiot.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 18 points 2 weeks ago

Well, he's a quicker learner than I thought he'd be.

It doesn't quite get to the root cause, though, does it?

[–] schnokobaer@feddit.org 9 points 2 weeks ago

Only that. Huh.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

We attacked Florida and demanded that they don't cut off traffic to Alabama through the Gulf of Mexico. Except it isn't nearly that wide, it's 35x smaller

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I mean. We should probably build a wall around Florida.

Republican goobers like catchy names. We could call it “America’s Cock Ring.”

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

You'd be surprised how popular that would be both in context and out.

[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

build a wall around Florida.

"So that wall is to keep it the hurricanes?"

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

"It's for when the climate change causes shrinkage!" (to keep the swamp trolls out. when their swamps become lagoons)

[–] rigatti@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago
[–] resipsaloquitur@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago
[–] afromustache@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Saving this thread so I can show it when any conservatives try to defend this administration.

"The only thing preventing me from being competent is the fact that I am a moron"

Edit: The

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

No shit, Sherlock!