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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/klutch65 on 2026-03-12 22:38:30+00:00.
My birthday came and went, and my wife decided to book a sensory deprivation tank session for me. I’ve done a few of these in the past and really liked them.
For those who don’t know, a sensory deprivation tank (or float session) is basically a closed-off room with minimal to no light and a big tub filled with Epsom salt water. The idea is that you float effortlessly while your body decompresses and you relax in silence or with some chill music. I’ve done it a couple of times before and really enjoyed it, so I was pretty happy when she got me a session.
I haven’t been able to grow hair since I was about 16. When I turned 21, I decided I was just going to be bald for the rest of my life and I’ve been shaving my head ever since. I got a new electric razor for my birthday and have been using it daily because it’s quick and easy.While I was in the shower this morning, I decided to see how it would work on the boys.Turns out, it works surprisingly well! The razor doesn’t actually come into contact with the skin, so my first thought was that there shouldn’t be any issues since the skin itself wasn’t technically being cut.
I dry off and get ready to head to the sensory deprivation tank. I see the amount of salt they put into these tanks, and think to myself that I’m totally fine. They even provide an ointment for people who have cuts or abrasions to protect the area. I figured I’d put some on my head and my junk and just enjoy the experience.
The moment I got into the water, it felt like a thousand ants were stabbing me with needles. I tried to steel myself and told myself it was probably temporary and that I should just deal with it until it subsided. I lasted about 5 seconds of what was probably the worst stinging pain my nuts have ever experienced before climbing out of the tank. My senses were definitely not deprived at that moment.
I think the salt from the tank may have mixed with the gel that was supposed to protect my regions, because it still stung like crazy while I was trying to shower off. After about a minute of blasting water directly at my pelvis, the pain finally stopped and I started weighing the pros and cons of going out to the front desk and explaining what happened.
I got dressed, cleaned up as best I could, and walked out to the main room. I told the person behind the desk that I had completely forgotten that I shaved my head that morning, and that as soon as my head hit the water it started stinging so badly that I couldn’t stay in. They were very accommodating and asked if I wanted to reschedule. I quickly Googled how long it takes for shaved skin to repair itself and set my next appointment for 14 days out, just to hedge my bets.
I got in the car and laughed for a solid minute before I decided to head to Publix and get some chicken tenders.
TL;DR: Shaved my head and balls with a new electric razor the morning of a sensory deprivation float. Discovered the hard way that Epsom salt and freshly shaved junk do not mix. Lasted 15 seconds before my “relaxing” float turned into a thousand-ant crotch attack.