Mayhem
this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2026
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Flo is actually gangsta af
Hmm, The General’s tough but he’s also short. I bet the emu would fuck him up with one kick!
Mayhem.
Limu emu.
Humans started, and lost the emu wars once already. There's a reason there's never been a second one
The LiMu Emu.
Those birds are fucking strong.
AND DOUG!
Doug’s gonna last about nine seconds.
The won not one but two wars!
Geico's got a bunch of buff, erudite cavemen in their stable, don't forget.
I vote the cavemen if they come as a group
Mr. Rodgers in a bloodstained sweater, ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny-style.
Jake from State Farm, because apparently he can transform from a doughy white dude in khakis to a thin, cool, young, light-skinned black guy.
Geico piglet with pinwheels
All enter the arena and are all instantly vaporized by a death ray.
The peasants rejoiced.
Doesn't the emu have a gun?
or was that the Glockstrich?
Does JK Simmons count as being a mascot? 🤔
That would be his character, Professor Nathaniel Burke of the University of Farmers. We don’t know how much of a badass Prof Burke is, but we do know how much of a badass Simmons is.
Not quite my tempo.
The GEICO gecko, for sure. He's small and quick so it would be easier to evade attacks while everyone else kills each other.
The general duh, he's got modern munitions.
Erin esurance, hands down.
Right. Yes. It's the mascots on track toward this contest. Sure.
No sir. I didn't hear anyone say CEO.