This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/YessirLouis on 2026-03-02 06:09:10+00:00.
This happened at 2am this morning, and I have no plans to ever tell somebody about it in my life.
I'm traveling, and last night I was starting to feel horny. Just, all of a sudden that's all I could think about. And I needed to remedy it or else I'd sleep terrible. I'm in a hotel room, I have none of my usual toys, and I'm not about to go out in this random city and find a hookup.
Here I am, on the bed, trying to think of what I could do. Or, well, use. An idea! I have a wine bottle! I go to the kitchenette and grab the half full wine bottle. I don't know, I've taken bigger, so it should work, right?
That's one item down. But I'm picky, okay. I need some other simulation. I'm walking around the room, trying to find something else that can work. There, in the bathroom, is my electric face scrubber. I'm staring at it. Do I really want to use...that? But, the scrub part is able to be popped off, leaving just a little plastic part that spins.
Perfect. It's perfect. I mean just an all around impressive set-up I've got. I even have some wine I can drink for after!
To skip ahead and not go in detail, I'm sitting on the wine bottle. Or, more accurately, the wine bottle is in me. I'm mentally patting myself on the back cause it's going exactly as planned.
That is, until I bring the face washer into play. It spins a bit fast, but that's alright. That's not the issue. The issue is that, within 15 seconds of me holding it down there, it snags on hair. On a shit ton of hair. I mean just absolutely sucks up hair and wraps it tightly around. In my panic I click the button, but I click it too much. It gives one last shudder, one more twist around.
Here's where we're at: I'm in the midst of fucking a wine bottle. I'm naked. And my electric face washer has almost scalped me. And holy shit, this is painful oh crap this really hurts
I immediately start talking to myself. Like, okay this is okay, we're fine. Nothing is wrong, you still have a vagina (I think), there's no blood (oh my god is there blood??), just don't panic and make this worse.
I find scissors, and oh so carefully, I start to snip around. I'm talking 5 minutes of snip snip snip, until finally I can pull the stupid washer away from myself enough to cut the rest of the hair. I put it back in the bathroom and throw the wine bottle away (no after sex wine :/). I go to bed and vow that I'm never using some household sex toy again.
But anyways, today I've been in pain. I forget about it until I go to the bathroom, and oh yeah! I forcefully removed a bunch of pubes less than 24 hours ago! And yes, I am embarrassed!
TL;DR Got horny and stupid. Scalped my vagina