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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NunsWithNunchucks on 2026-02-28 04:35:07+00:00.
I paid a sex worker to sleep with my friend who was still a virgin at the age of 28. For the record, I had nothing against my friend being a virgin at that age, but he was beginning to behave like an incel. He made it seem like women hated him, even though he never bothered to get to know any women. I was getting sick of listening to him complain about almost being a 30 year old virgin, so I joked about paying someone to sleep with him. He was laughing at first, but then he asked enough questions afterwards to convince me that he might be interested in an arrangement like that. I decided to set it up for real. My friend "reluctantly" allowed me to share his contact information with the escort service as soon as I showed him pictures of the sex worker I selected. I did my part. A date was set. Payment was made. All my friend had to do was have sex.
I received several sporadic calls from my friend throughout the evening that made me feel like I should never have done this.
Call 1:
He wanted to know if it was a good idea to masturbate before the sex worker showed up so he could last longer. I encouraged him to leave his dick alone and let the outcome be whatever it ends up being, come what may. My stupid cum puns made him laugh and managed to relax him a little. Mission accomplished. Or so I thought.
Call 2:
He wanted to know if he could send me a dick pic so I could tell him if his dick looked good enough. I said I didn't want to see his dick. He promised his dick would be flaccid in the photo to make the whole thing "less gay." I said it was gonna be gay either way before repeating that I did not want to see his fucking dick.
Call 3:
He wanted to apologise for sending me the dick pic anyway, but he also wanted feedback since he sent it. I told him to stop calling.
I ignored calls 4 and 5, which prompted him to send me messages to please answer my phone.
Call 6:
He said he was thinking of calling off the sex worker because his bed apparently had a huge dent in the middle, which was "unsuitable for sex." I suggested he flipped the mattress on the other side or fuck on the couch, but to cancel sex because of a dent in the mattress that never bothered him before, sounded like an excuse to back out.
Call 7:
He wanted to know what kind of food sex workers usually eat because he made spaghetti. I asked if he was asking me what kind of food people eat because sex workers were not a different species. He said most people he knew enjoyed spaghetti. I asked if there was anything else he wanted to know because I wanted him to stop calling. He said the next time he called, it would be to debrief.
Call 8:
He wanted me to know that he was spying on the sex worker through his bedroom window while she was talking to one of his neighbours outside. He said based on their body language it was clear that the two of them knew each other. I asked if he was no longer a virgin. He said he struggled to get it up and subsequently gave up, and now he was watching the sex worker laughing about it with his neighbour. I said that's probably not what was happening. He said he was thinking of going out there and confronting them. I advised him against it, but he hung up.
Call 9:
The call came from me this time. No answer.
Call 10:
I called again a few minutes later. My friend finally answered the phone and said the sex worker left in an Uber when he eventually made it outside with the intention of inserting himself in their conversation. He said he asked his neighbour how he knew the woman who just left in the Uber and the neighbour said he was one of her first clients. According to the neighbour, he was going through a divorce at the time after spending years in a sexless marriage, so the first thing he did to fix that was to fuck a 20 year old baddie. My friend asked me if I was willing to pay for his therapy too because not only did he fucking fail at fucking, but now his fucking neighbour knew they fucked the same sex worker. I said I was just trying to help. My friend thanked me, albeit sarcastically, and said goodbye.
I think he's ghosting me now.
Tl:dr Paid a sex worker to sleep with my virgin friend. Dude struggled to get hard and gave up, which was embarrassing enough for him, but then he also found out his neighbour fucked the same sex worker he did, and now he's ghosting me because I was the catalyst.