How am I meant to function like this?
Obviously, ADHD is no superpower, it’s a neurodevelopmental disability. ADHD is the hidden disability that ruins the act of living in most conceivable ways.
Hey guess what though? I have it worse than you. Not that it’s a competition friends. But lemme show you how much worse it can be:
On top of all of what we experience with ADHD, I have to some how navigate a brain that’s currently going through a prolonged SSRI taper.
I don’t have the ability to feel empathy anymore due to these SSRI’s, I don’t feel joy, my ability to think critically is essentially gone, the logical and rational part of me is kind of suppressed as well. All that's left is the talking part of me.
All because I was prescribed incorrectly by a doctor mistaking my ADHD for common run of the mill depression. I’m not even sure the taper will fix it, but I have no choice but to invest four to five years of my life weaning myself off of this drug in the hope that it will fix it. The irony is, I have to expend the limited dopamine available to me on this taper! What other choice do I have?
Also, I have a venous compression in my neck that raises the intracranial venous pressure so much that my brain gets squeezed. Because of the state of the healthcare system in my country, I likely won't resolve this for at least another two years, maybe longer. All the while it looks to me like it's encouraging my brain towards dementia.
Also I have obstructive sleep apnea that, while partially treated, guarantees my sleep now involves starving my brain of oxygen and placing it into hypoxia and no matter what I try I can’t seem to resolve it entirely.
And very recently, I’ve been given the gift of hydrogen sulphide SIBO (which is neurotoxic).
Essentially I have ADHD like always have had, but I now have multiple different kinds of brain injury on top of it. All requiring attention and self advocacy, whilst I lack the ability to do said self advocacy.
But, on the bright side, at least I can’t see just how fucked my life is like I used to be able to. The haze, the fog, whilst frustrating, is also comforting ignorance. Also, I can still talk and write reasonably well, so I can at least give the reassurance to those around me that I'm okay, when I'm not. Also, I have a wonderful partner who is still some how putting up with all of this. Amazingly.
It could be worse, but not by much.