this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2026
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I understand if this post is a bit off topic, but I am going to a gay bar with the intention to meet mostly other queer women, and I'm specifically looking for advice from other lesbians, so I thought it would be relevant.

Okay, so I'm planning on going out to a gay bar soon just to like...meet some other queer folks? I have a long drive to the closest one (about half an hour to get to the city if there's no traffic), but I haven't gone out anywhere just to meet new people in...many, many years, so I'm looking for some advice (Side tangent: I'm sober and would only be drinking mocktails, so no, I'm not gonna be any danger driving).

My main concern is just how I even start to talk to people/approach anyone. I feel like sitting at the bar, I could really only interact with a couple people at a time (most of whom are probably out with friends anyway). Would anyone approach me if I sat alone at a table/booth? How do I look approachable? I feel uncomfortable approaching, say, a group of other people, because I don't want to intrude. Honestly the only experiences I have with bars is reading books where the characters go to a bar, so I don't know what to actually expect in reality.

I suppose I'm just very unsure what to expect/how to engage with the space. And I should probably clarify: I'm really just looking to meet new people/potentially make friends, not go home with someone. I'm demisexual, so I really don't see that happening, although I certainly wouldn't mind if other women flirted with me.

Is there any advice any of y'all have about how I should go about meeting new people there?

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[–] makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world 5 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

A fair warning that drunk people really dislike other people around them also not drinking. It might be a good idea to talk to a bartender ahead of time and ask if someone wants shots/drinks for the group that they'll give you something non-alcoholic. Bartenders are typically very cool with that sort of thing

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

I'll make a note of this, but if I'm being honest, I'm not really looking into making friends with people who aren't chill with me not consuming a dangerous, addictive drug anyway. I got enough peer pressure in high school and college for a lifetime. I'll drink mocktails with them, but I'd probably take my leave (from the group) if I got guilted for not drinking alcohol.

[–] makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world 4 points 1 hour ago

That's a very mature response. As long as you're aware what you're walking into. It's hard to make good decisions in the moment so do your best to set yourself up to be successful before you leave

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 12 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

It sounds like a cliche, but relax

Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are!

I hope you have a blast

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

Okay but, I'm highly autistic, so I'm gonna be worried abt even the tiniest, most casual social interaction in the world simply bc socializing does not come naturally to me lol

I'll try my best to have fun, though!

[–] Fiona@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 53 minutes ago (1 children)

Okay but, I’m highly autistic

Then you’ll fit right in with all the trans girls you may or may not meet there. (Like, seriously, those without autism have ADHD, you can count on that. And no, I’m actually not joking!)

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 34 minutes ago

Can confirm, I'm trans + AuDHD, and every trans person I know is neurodivergent lol

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Depending on the gay bar there might be a significant neurodivergent contingent. Don't freak out. Also if you don't have a good time, there's nothing saying you have to stay till closing

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago

Yeah, I've been told to expect that. I understand I'm probably overthinking, meeting new people is just something I really struggle with (but I'm making an active effort to get better at it)

[–] viral.vegabond@piefed.social 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Do you have anyone you could go with? Perhaps just one friend might help out.

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 hours ago

I do, and I'm planning on going there with them when they have the time, but they've been really busy lately, so I was considering going by myself