Ask Lemmy

By how they talk about people who aren't part of the conversation. Someone focuses a lot on heaping contempt on former coworkers and romantic partners, it's a bad sign.

Their ability to return their shopping cart to the corral

"There was definitely a more virtuous path to take here, why didn't they? Are they just that stupid? Emotionally overwhelmed and unable to be righteous? Or are they in full awareness and capacities, but they just don't care?"

The answer gives me a data point, and with a collection of points (fewer are needed the further the decisions are from virtue) I make my assessment.

How people behave towards animals is a really big one for me. If someone doesn't like cats or dogs or any sort of critters for any reason other than a traumatic childhood attack memory I assume something is deeply wrong with them. I realize plenty of bad people don't hate animals, but I assume if you do then you can't be good.

How do they treat those that are "beneath" them? Customer service workers, pets, kids, etc. Anyone that they should have some sort of authority over.

If they try to ingratiate themselves too aggressively, if they make way too good eye contact and smile so big and are effusively positive, and they make the hairs on the back of my neck crawl, I know it’s highly likely I’m interacting with a sociopath or psychopath.

Everyone that’s normal has a chance to be good or evil and it changes over time.

If the person hits the trigger points above though I know they aren’t going to be a stable actor to deal with because they will lack empathy, be utterly self serving, and never feel guilt for their actions.

I’ve encountered quite a few of these people in my years and they often are in positions of authority because they are really good at fooling and manipulating people.

I don’t know if this is good or bad but I definitely try to avoid or at least ring fence people like this when I encounter them.

Ocular patdown

By their behavior.

I mainly believe that most people are a product of their circumstances and how they have decided to cope with their experiences. But imo, a good person regularly does things that benefit others without any benefit to themselves. Especially if they're not obligated to do it. Good people are kind (but not a pushover) to everyone, even if someone is unkind to them.

On the other end of the spectrum, bad people do things that hurt others even if it is of no benefit to themselves. They are unkind even if it takes nothing off of them to be kind.

If they harm other people, intentionally or not, physically, emotionally, etc. And they could stop but choose not to, then often they are a bad person.

Their levels of empathy, their relationship with their own ego, and, similarly, their levels of selfishness / egotistic/ egocentric. That's the core that drives, they'll make decisions on who to betray from that core, with no care for others, they become quite dangerous to be around. That said something people are good at pretending they have empathy and aren't egocentric, but if you wait and watch, pretend always has cracks to see through. And i don't mean small moments of overwhelm. I mean, polar opposite behaviours that seem outside their morals, when not in an extreme emotion. You will usually see little things around the edges, and your instinct is to excuse it away, because it doesn't fit the narrative, don't do that bit. Little things around the edges might look like casually stealing, possibly just small things, sometimes even from friends, jealousy or a hatred for someone for no apparent reason other than they're good at something the person in question is, too. Wanting a lot of attention, without giving anyone else room in the spotlight, or giving less and less room for others in the spotlight, until it's all about them. Passing blame, it's always someone elses fault, or excuses for everything they do that they feel are a reason to be able to do the poor behaviour, rather than taking responsibility, learning and growing. Unable to metabolise failure, at all. If you look up fixed and growth mindset, (Carol Dweck) narcissistic types, always have a fixed mindset. Where they're Unable to utilise mistakes or failures to learn and grow, and believe that you are inherently born good at things or not, rather than practice at anything making you able to be an expert at something.

I cannot remember the reference right now, but it's said that anyone can become "genius" level at something, if they just put 7 years of practice into it. "Bad" people, practice being like everyone else, they are very good at learning what you want to see, and mirroring that, for a time, it's not something anyone can hold up for very long, but that said, I've seen it held up for a year, odd, at times.

If you wait, don't get enmeshed with someone too quickly, they usually try to move fast to enmesh you, and remember that a lot of what you see in anyone around you, is what your brain imagines is there, you put a "persona" on people, all people. What's in everyone is a complex mix of a different set of morals, and emotional maturity, privilege and perspective of the world that's shaped by their unique upbringing, surroundings and environment. Even two siblings can have very different upbringing, surroundings and environment. And everyone has bad and good, in them. What you need to assess is the harm they could or do cause you and what you need to do to keep safe, keeping in mind that psychological, emotional and verbal abuse, are as harmful as physical abuse. And then decide what level of involvement is safe for you.

If they lie all the time, they are probably willing to do other awful things as well.

If they are willing to steal outside of a desperate situation, if they treat someone who's been good to them awful, if they treat those beneath them awfuly, if they judge based on location, race, etnicity, etc. If they put whatever fantasy world they live in, over reality (antivaxxers and such, and yes religious people).

If they co-operated with Jeffrey Epstein, they only belong in the woodchipper.

Easy. By what they say and do.

I assume everyone is good by default, and I'll usually let a tasteless joke slide once, because we all occasionally put our foot in mouth.

If their actions and words don't mesh with my own moral compass, they aren't a person I associate with any more than necessary.

I don't think people can be divided into good and bad, I think it's more of a spectrum. I generally judge how good a person is by the virtues they show in their actions. I like when people take accountability for their actions, are kind to others, do what's right even if it's difficult, are honest, and their actions align with what they claim to believe.

Although philosophers who embrace moral realism will have different views, my takeaway is that it is much harder to be a virtuous moral agent than the layperson assumes.

That said, if I find that a person often puts their own interests above those of everyone else, this is a good indication of questionable character.

The fundamental attribution error explains why we perceive people to be good or bad.

I know you said to just downvote, but I really strongly believe the world would be a much better place if people tried to understand the motivations of others, rather than trying to categorise them as good or bad people.

In addition to some of the other criteria mentioned, some other indicators of a bad person are:

• Using bad-faith argument techniques, such as tone policing
• Endorsing or demanding conformity for conformity's sake

If society was only copies of this person, would it be better or worse to live in than current society?

If they are willing to hurt other people for their own benefit or for no reason. Or if they are willing to help someone else do that. (Like how republicans voted Trump into office to keep him out of prison.)

Louis Rossman had a video years ago that really got me looking at people differently. An obvious sign for him is how they treat animals. animals sadly are often the ultimate litmus test for ones morality. I find that respecting an animal, its boundries and its emotions is a thing only possible when youve developed a (imo) basic sense of empathy, that for pets and animals cant be expressed verbally.

Think of times when a person was trying to force an animals to behave in a particular way purely for self intrest. Or if someone you know outright denies the complex emotions of animals. I am by no means an animal rights activist and i often can be heard yelling at my dog to stop barking or etc. But i think even if we "own" them most good people dont think of pets as propperty, status symbols, or entertainment.

the moment i see behavior like this I try to correct and if they actively fight me on it or make no attempt to improve. I will disconnect from them entirely, not worth it. If thats how you treat family, i dont want to see how you treat friends.

I've always struggled with it, so I've learned to ask someone better at character judgement than I.

I used to check with my dog. Then I met my wife and found out over a year how moral she was and how consistently she applied those morals. Now I ask her.

If a person operates as if nothing is unconditional and they expect something in return or else you are deemed worthless, they're a fucking cunt.

If a person continually makes a situation about themselves even when it's 100% not, that's a red flag.

If they whine and complain to get what they want or have others do for them, they're a bad person.

Yelling at a newborn baby in a punishing manner as if they have any understanding of anything.

I assume everyone is good untill they give me a reason to think otherwise. However, for me to know that someone truly is a good person takes years of knowing and interacting with them.

I don't judge persons (because I'm not in their head), I look at their actions.

Also, I tend to steer away from the 'good' vs 'bad' (persons, thoughts, sexuality, religion, and so on) that were and still way too often used to hurt people one doesn't like or agree with.

You really don't know until you need something from them.

But even good people may not be able to help you if they're not able to right that moment.

Finding good willing people seems to be more of a numbers game.

I don't like to think of people as immutably good or bad, but I get what you meant.

There's a bunch of factors.

• are they honest?
• are they kind?
• do they care about things other than themselves?
• do they try to make the world better?

So, someone who lies, is cruel, doesn't care about anyone else, and leaves the world a mess is being a pretty bad person.

Someone who just keeps their head down, goes to work, and is polite to people they meet is kind of middling.

By their ability to empathize.

Good people:

• Take time to listen to others even if it's something they don't agree with, they want to understand the other person before they want to performatively argue.

• Treat others with kindness, and everyone equally, no matter their age, race or social standing.

• Make sure people are treated fairly by others even if it's very small gestures like noticing if someone said something nobody heard, or if someone is being talked-over, and calling attention to it.

• Care about how they make other people feel. I mean, it should be obvious but apparently a LOT of people took all the wrong lessons from their saturday morning cartoons and care more about being emotionally vindicated and somehow still think they're the good ones, a tendency that covers every side of every population or group.

• Have values and principles that they stay consistent with, which is very different than having something like a political ideology. (Those things can change, based on your value system.)