this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 37 comments
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[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

How many are doing it on purpose? They got a big signing bonus that has to be paid back if they quit. They hate the job, and don't want to do it, but they already spent the signing bonus. If they're injured on the job they get time to recover, and might be assigned to a desk job once they're out of the hospital. Blam

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

I read on several news sites that many if not all of them have not and will not see that bonus. Something about having to be there 5 years, and ICE isn't expected to be a thing in 5 years.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Idk why but "roses are red" jokes always make me giggle like a child

[–] Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 5 points 15 hours ago

Because its clever and has a fantastic cadence. Its funny to me that the start is always the same but the punchline varies wildly too.

[–] big_dog_pie@piefed.social 4 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Did they get tired of shooting their spouses?

[–] Hozerkiller@lemmy.ca 14 points 16 hours ago

No ICE agents are actually a lot more progressive than us. They shoot everyone equally including immigrants, non-immigrants, protestors, innocent bystanders, and evidently now themselves.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 74 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If i was an ICE agent i'd probably shoot myself too

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Or you could just.....ya know.....NOT be an ICE agent. Do they realize that's an option?

[–] curbstickle@anarchist.nexus 25 points 1 day ago

They are ICE agents, so... Probably not.

[–] Seaguy05@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Do you think you'd still get that sign on bonus?

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 7 points 19 hours ago

From what i've heard they haven't been getting that bonus even if they manage to not shoot themselves, i guess crime doesn't pay?

[–] 33550336@lemmy.world 5 points 18 hours ago

Very good 😊

[–] Lydia_K@lemmy.world 77 points 1 day ago

Feel good story of the year right here.

[–] shittydwarf@sh.itjust.works 52 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] regedit@lemmy.zip 3 points 17 hours ago

How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?

YO!

I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes!

::flips helmet mask down::

Keep firing, Assholes!

[–] green_goglin@thelemmy.club 15 points 1 day ago

nature is healing

first good thing ice has done

[–] hellfire103@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

You laugh now, but when they figure out they have to hold them forwards it's over. /j

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Are they secretly good people after all?

[–] osanna@thebrainbin.org 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 day ago

True just like Hitler wasn't good even though he killed Hitler.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 15 hours ago

Ice got iced.

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Inspiring, reminds me of the guy who killed Hitler

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Nature is healing.

[–] JustJack23@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 day ago
[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

When they shot Good, they sure weren’t worried about crossfire. It doesn’t surprise me these clowns would be shooting eachother regularly.

[–] DragonAce@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Not each other, themselves. The article says these morons shot themselves in the leg while holstering their weapons. LOL

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It would be lovely if they all would

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

In the head instead of the leg, though.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 15 hours ago

Groin first, then head.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

They would probably stop shooting themselves if their Bananadine and Jenkem habits didn't cost them like a million bucks an hour, thanks liberals

[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 13 hours ago

A TOTSE reference?

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Lol did you just reference the fictional drug from Anarchist Cookbook AND the fictional drug from TOTSE.

A true master of the shitpost. You have my respect sir.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 day ago

Is my age showing or am I just too young to be on the Internet

[–] br0da@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago
[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

They should stop hiring Barney Fife.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

is that where all those SIGs went?