My asexual ass feels personally attacked
this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2026
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me_irl
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So there was this girl in our friends group I was pretty into in college, but I never believed I was worthy, so I never had the nerve to ask her out. She then transfers to another school across the state and I figure that's the end of it.
A year later, she's returned to my school, and I fall harder than ever. It's my chance to make up for past cowardice and go for the one that got away! So of course I don't do anything.
She texts me one day and says she has an assignment that requires her to have someone peer review an essay and asks for help. I say sure, and she asks if I can come over the next night around 11. She mentions specifically that her roommate will be out of town, and that she's not in a relationship.
I go to her place, and she's wearing yoga stuff, the lights are dim, and there's music plating. She offers me a drink, and sits down next to me on the couch, and I know why she invited me over.
SonI put down my drink, look her in the eyes, and ask for the paper.
She's like "Oh, yeah", and goes and prints a paper. I go to the kitchen table, turn on a light, and spend about 10 minutes critiquing it, finish my drink, and leave shortly after to let her get back to work on it.
I didn't realize what I'd done for like a year.
A special place in hell...
The whole thing depends on if you woke up with both kidneys.
Do I get it in before the kidney removal?
Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
Nathan Fillion's great isn't he?
I had to stop furiously masturbating to chime in with: yyyyyyeeeeeeessssss
I once had a long-time friend (through her shirt/sleeve holes) take her bra off and throw it at me and then sit on my lap at a party once.
It was another 3 years before I found out she had a huge crush on me and was hoping I would do literally anything other than sit there awkwardly
We really should start teaching people to use words to communicate
That's how my wife got me.
She told me directly. No "read the room" BS. No "pick up the signals". No twirling her hair and winking at you.
Just straight talk. "I'm having a good time. So grab my boobs and then put your tongue in my mouth."
Women really don't understand how straight our brains work. We like straightforward things. Straiggt to the point.
Works every time
That's not reliable, either.
I once was encouraged, vocally and clearly, by a girl to cross the room and kiss her. It would have been my first kiss or, indeed, romantic encounter of any kind in person.
I didn't and we just sat on opposite couches until our friends got tired of checking on us and took us our separate ways.
To be fair, in the era of "first kiss" it's important to remember that we are all awkward as fuck.
Hell, I still am. Nigh a decade of marriage and six years of parenthood and I still have to consider whether my wife wants to be associated with me.
However, I will admit it's not... Usually... As awkward as that first time.
That's not very clear. I mean, there's a variety of reasons why she could have done all of that. You did well to wait three years.
There was this gathering at pub with 10 people or so. I was sitting closely with one, imagine sides touching the hole night, arms around eachother's waists etc. The others eventually left. When we are the only last two from the group, she told me how good of friend I am and ho safe she feels with me.
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Then she gets you naked as a joke. And strands you in the desert.
Welp... That went well.
Buuuuuut you get away with the priceless artifact
then she has sex with you, marries you, get two kids, grow up old together and on your deathbed she'll say it was just a prank
I guess that's better than dying only to wake up at the start of level 1-1
You beat cancer and then went back to the carpet store? Amateur hour over here…
I've been through the desert
On a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert, you can remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la
That's America for you.
I literally had a girl I was being super flirty with come home with me, crawl into my bed and fall asleep next to me once. I convinced myself that she was just being really friendly. She left at 4am.
I went to visit a good friend in another city once and was slightly confused when we got to the end of the night and there was just her tiny bed in her tiny bedroom
to this day I have no idea if she wanted something to happen, but I'm not gonna make it weird and ruin a friendship at midnight while somewhat drunk and out of town. I'll get into bed with you, but if you want something to happen, YOU make the move. the move was not made. or I was too drunk to notice, idk anymore, I'd forgotten about this
I'm the one who got out of bed super early and went for a walk by the lake for over an hour
I had a girl who drunk texted me asking to come over around 9pm because she had too much. Concerned, I let her in, tucked her in my bed, made her some snacks and water, then took out my sleeping bag and slept on the floor.
Later that night, she said the bed was uncomfortable and I asked if she wanted to switch places.
What I'm hearing is that you were a gentleman not willing to take advantage of somebody who didn't have their full wits about them.
Fr this is king behavior
Real life Austin powers
I once absolutely missed out on doing the hanky panky with a gal...
... because I was absolutely insistent that we must watch all of Inglorious Basterds.
We were literally already in my bed, the entire time.
... But I was apparently more enamored with the movie and functionally spreading it as gospel.
Like, she actually groped me and whispered for me to roll her around and face her, as opposed to me being the big spoon, and I was like "No you don't understand, you have to see this movie."
... I guess the difference here being that I was entirely aware of the possible routes of that uh, encounter, and I consciously chose the movie, lol.
It's a great movie, but I'm convinced this exact situation is why the pause button was invented.
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Probably just being polite
The irony here being
Firefly spoiler
She's actually not into him. Though it's not so much a "joke" as it is "homicidal theft".
There’s a lot of subtext in the YoSaffBridge episodes to indicate that if she was capable of feeling true attraction to and affection for any of her marks, it would be Mal.
The special hell
Next to people who talk in theatres.
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