Transfem

Just chiming in as a mod to let you know that you are welcome in the community. If transfeminine is a term that you feel associated with or that bears meaning for you then you are welcome here. :) no matter what gender you were assigned at birth.

That being said, I worry a lot about some of the language youre using for yourself here and throughout this thread. Do you feel like you get the chance to engage in femininity much? Do you feel a connection to your own womanhood? How often do you feel like you get to nurture that connection, like engage in activities that make you feel feminine in a positive way? Hormones are absolutely a crucial part of the equation, but self care is a huge part as well. It's often neglected.

I also will point you away from terms like "natural woman". Not because I dont understand what youre trying to say, but to reinforce that being a woman isn't predicated on having a certain body or appearing a certain way or even having certain hormones. Its also extremely concerning and gross that your father would make comments about you that way, whatever his intentions with them may be. I'm sorry you experienced that.

Youll find a lot of folks here who understand what its like to compare themselves to other women around them and feel inadequate and outcasts. You're in a good place.

Most of what I have to say is just signal boosting everyone else here.

• Get your hormones tested, and note what point in your cycle the levels were recorded.
• Birth control measures can affect hormones, so switching measures might change things for you, for better or worse.
• Tell the doctor about any major life changes or potential stressors that could trigger a hormone imbalance. My (cisgendered) sister ended up with low progesterone in her 30s due to a stressful divorce.
• Be prepared for the doc to hear "hormone problems" and prescribe "weight loss." This is a common cop-out for overworked doctors in the USA who don't want to actually understand the problem.
• If you're in the UK, don't tell the doc you relate to trans women, or that you took advice from us. Nothing good will come from that.

Since you identify as cisgendered, it's a good idea to speak with a therapist about your self-image and feelings of worth, as those may either be caused by or be the cause of the wrongness you're experiencing. Ask the therapist about body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria. They're similar, but not identical. And finally, a few things that we trans girls do to help ourselves through the bad days:

• Try to remind yourself that in the modern world, almost all women have similar feelings of self-loathing to one degree or another. We're all taught to feel like our faces and hair and bodies need fixing, because it makes us better consumers for cosmetics, media, surgeries, clothing, you name it. It's just like men "negging." Desperation gives them leverage. (Sorry, you're on a trans server, you have to sit through at least one anticapitalist rant.)
• Try to remember that your worth is not defined by your appearance. Beauty is temporary, courage is forever. Anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve you.
• Go on a detox from Instagram, Tik-Tok, magazines, or anywhere that you might see highly curated, highly filtered, and carefully lit pictures of models. They're unrealistic and will wreck your self-image.
• Try taking some flattering pictures of yourself on the days when you feel good. It helps save the feeling for later. I recommend a ring light.
• On the days you feel awful, something performatively feminine can really hit the spot. For me, nail polish is great because it helps me feel pretty and decorated without looking in a mirror.

I have some questions:

• When did you start feeling like this?
• In what ways does your body feel wrong?
• In what form do you feel your hormonal balance is showing itself?

Unfortunately I don't know enough to be able to offer much advice beyond saying what Berengaria has already said. One thing that doesn't hurt is to read this nice list of intersex conditions in case what you are experiencing is something like that: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/chromosomes

Could you get your GP to refer you for testing? There can be many reasons for a hormone imbalance some more serious than others PCOS springs to mind. But you could always have an issue with your adrenal glands. Basically having tests done will find the underlying cause, whereas just taking hormones might be the equivalent of seeing the pot is boiling over and turning the oven off when the house is on fire.

But if you're determined to get hormones menopausal women get prescribed estrogen easily by their GP and failing that there's always the DIY option, although many see that as a last resort.