Gender affirming care is important (for cis or trans people) but it won't cure mental things like that. Many many trans people still think there hideous even with highest amounts of estrogen and zero testosterone. If it's low in your system that can help you physically but not mentally. In my own honest opinion of someone who has seen a therapist (or psychotherapist) is to go see one of its that bad. Get one that listens and responses to you.

Estrogen most likely will not solve that problem. I still feel like you describe after 15 years in estrogen and yet everyone says I don't look at all like a guy anymore. Don't blame yourself for societies failures on people who are not "perfect" looking.

Depression sucks. It's especially bad when it sneaks up on you. Get some blood work done to see if you're short on anything, and sit down and think about your life some. I've dealt with depression before, and I know how much it sucks. The thing to keep in mind is that most, if not all, problems can be fixed (and I'm drawing a blank on unfixable problems right now).

Good luck to you and God bless.

Sounds like depression, ngl. Did you have your hormone levels checked and they are low? As someone how has struggled with depression for a while there has been no magic bullet and it kind of seems like you think there is. Maybe all your suffering is due to one single cause but...

what do you believe it will do for you?

As somebody hit with mental health issues, how do you know it's that? Not criticizing, but there's a lot of stuff it could be...