Discord's recent announcement of mandatory age verification for all users has sent the community scrambling for alternatives. Search volume for "Discord alternatives" spiked 10,000% overnight, with Matrix seeing a 2,133% increase and the relatively unknown Stoat (formerly Revolt) jumping 9,900%. As someone who's been self-hosting Matrix for a while now and recently dove deep into evaluating alternatives, I figured it's time to document what I've learned.
This isn't going to be a gentle guide for people who just want something that "works like Discord." If that's you, honestly, stick with Discord and deal with their ID requirements. This post is for people who actually want to understand the technical tradeoffs, the real architectural differences, and the honest-to-god pain points of each platform. No hand-holding, no sugar-coating.