Strange flex for the head of a federal agency to admit to felony drug crimes.
this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2026
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Can we hold a vile of anthrax and say here sir prove you are not scared.
Anthrax is indeed vile, never understood why people like them so much.
You have a worm in your head you dumbshit
Who really gives a flying FUCK what he is or isnt scared of
Why is he allowed to be in government again?
Because MAGAs think it's hilarious when Libz get all upset about this stuff. Look how crazy they get when you put some lunatic in charge of health care. Who cares? Health Care in this country sucks anyway, he can't damage it any worse than it already is. At least we can get some laughs at the expense of the Libz, right?
It's got to be that. NOBODY could possibly believe that he would IMPROVE health care.
Fascism requires bootlickers. If you lick boots, you can’t be afraid of no germs.
Because Americans let conservatives have power, which means the circus came to town. And they brought their clowns with them.
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The onion can't compete with this
They are having a hard time finding a implausible story.
The point of satire is that it's plausible.
Actual question: isn't he admitting to a crime?
It's cute that you think that still matters.
Ive done more cocaine than the average person, sadly, and I’ve been in some wild circles. Never have I snorted cocaine from a toilet seat. The cistern sure but the seat come on bro.
Exactly. The back of the toilet—sure. Very common. It’s basically a little table. Also great for smashing adderall on for snorting.
Who the fuck would snort something off a toilet seat? Why would you want to bend down that far? It makes no sense. These guys are full of shit no matter what they are talking about.
Really? Why? Wouldn't you have a perfectly good and slightly less gross bathroom counter?
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I’ve also done much than the average person in my time (maybe enthusiast-level at points?) and when I was at my most doing-it-est, I would never use a toilet seat. The only time I’ve done it in bathrooms at all was either from a bullet or key bumps from a pen cap.
It doesn’t pass my “if this drug fell on the bathroom floor at a club, would you still do it?” test. A rare few things pass that test for me.
I am NOT the guy to talk to about drugs but there have been toilets without their own tanks for a long time.
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When you're a sentient accumulation of germs and parasites, I'm sure a few more don't scare you
Spoiler for the end of the game
spoiler
This thing becomes human at the end of the game, so there's you answer___
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Not the fucking flex he thinks it is.
I miss the days when satire was fake
This guy does not believe in germ theory, he believes in TERRAIN Theory. So of coarse he is not scared of germs.
According to terrain theory, germs don’t cause disease – it’s your body’s failure to maintain internal purity. If you’re healthy enough, pathogens can’t hurt you.
https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/your-terrain-your-fault-germ-theory-denial-2025/
Modern-day Lysenkoism. They're going to kill us all, if they go on long enough.
Good thing I ate all that dirt as a child, got my body terrain boosted early!
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Hey! As an aside - "of coarse" is incorrect, you're looking for "of course" :)
"Coarse" refers to the size of particulates like how big each piece of sand is. Coarse is larger bits of sand, making it rougher.
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Stray pubes just add to the flavour.
The guy who got brain worms by eating roadkill isn’t afraid of germs?!? No way.
Of course not, he's one of them!
Every day I'm grateful not to live in the dumpster fire that is the USA...
I wish I didn't have to share a border with a dumpster fire.
Dumpster fire is an understatement. It’s more like garbage dump fire.
No shit. He literally doesn't believe in germ theory. He's a moron.
This is stupid enough, but for a moment there I thought he was going to question the germ theory of disease, which would be even worse.
I’m just imagining Bobby on his knees, snorting a rail off a shit smeared toilet seat, all while a perfectly clean countertop is literally right next to him. Kind of easy to imagine, considering what a fucking dumbass this guy is.
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Glad the dude swimming in sewage run off, doing cocaine from toilet seats, and had a parasitic brain worm is in charge of our health
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Germ says he isn't scared of himself.
And by used to, he meant this morning.
The thing about germs is that they can't smell your fear. They harm indiscriminately.
Fascists think germs harm the weak, who should die to purify the gene pool, and not the genetically superior and strong. And fascists always think they are among the superior, strong ones. Everything this administration does makes sense if you assume fascist eugenics are behind it.
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Searching the epstein and trump papers for cocaine toilets...coming right up!
Did he mean the lid or the seat? Not that it matters that this ass cancer on society isn't clear with his words, but I kinda want to know where snorted it from.
I used the same mindset when taking the vaccine.
I really did think this was an onion headline at first. This is a better anti-drug PSA than anything DARE did, since this guy clearly has stimulant abuse-induced brain damage.
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