Ask Lemmy

Met my spouse on the apps buuuuuut that was like almost a decade ago at this point. It wasn’t good then. Matches (the few) had maybe a one-in-four potential for not being a scam/no-response/insta-dud. The ones that did sort of start were — likely due to the region — centered around hiking, jeeps, and bonfires at the beach. I changed my bio to say something like “I love books and hate hiking” which helped. Friends who are on the apps today though? Complete cesspit from what I understand. Always a new app, never a new culture.

I love dating later in life as opposed to dating when I was younger. People my age are usually much smarter and well rounded than when we were in our 20s. If they have kids, they're usually grown enough to not be annoying. I love when I hear short fat older freshly divorced dudes complain. Like homie, there is a reason you are getting the responses you do on the apps. Although I am incredibly tall and in decent shape, so ymmv.

My experiences with dating has been 99% lies, ghosting, gas lighting, and manipulation, so I fucking stopped. Not worth it.

Is it as who describe?

So. I've had multiple experiences. I'm poly, so some strange scenarios ahead, but as an adult here they are, in the order they started:

Met through work, and was a platonic partner of about 5 years. Ended because of housing issues, but the relationship was... Fine. She definitely had issues, but nothing worse than I had. Also the only one of these I date while being coworkers.

Next one I met through work. Only lasted 2 months, and her fiance's girlfriend had to coach her through breaking up with me because she had a stack of cotton candy where most people have a spine.

Next one I'm still with 6 years later, almost 7. Met on a dating app, and it's been fairly smooth since.

Next one I met through work. Been together for about 7 years as well (3 weeks after previously mentioned relationship started)

Next one I also met through work, and was a platonic partner of about 5 years. Ended because of housing issues.

Next one lasted 3 months. It ended amicably, we just weren't great as partners.

Next major partner was the only abusive one I've had. Met her through a friend who I met on a dating app. Real piece of work, but I got a room mate for 3 years out of the deal so hey. Silver linings. (I kept the boyfriend in the breakup)

Next one was someone I met on a dating app. Ended it because their spouse was unsafe to be around.

Next one is the girl who coached second partner through breaking up with me. Yeah. Wild experience. I met her through the that partner, we screeched like pterodactyls at each other, and stayed friends after the breakup. We're officially just FWBs, but... It'll be 4 years this year, so worth mentioning regardless?

Overall it's a fuckin' grab bag. Dating apps are great, meeting through work goes well, and apparently helping your ex's fiance break up with their partner because said fiance's spinal cord was replaced with spun sugar doesn't sour things all that much.

Being a trans girl with pretty privelage tm and just hanging out in spaces for us had gotten me enough dates tbh

I had met my wife on a dating app in 2021. I wouldn't recommend it and I am pretty sure she wouldn't either.

In short, it was just pure luck that we have matched. And it was also incredibly lucky that we had many things in common considering both of our backgrounds. And it is not like same taste in art, media, food. More of experience.

My reason is that even if me and my wife found each other, chances were close to 0. And on the way there we got both hurt many times on these apps. These apps are designed to keep you on the app, not to effectively find a match. They will make you miss good potential matches in favor or less good ones so you keep scrolling and eventually paying for premium.

You really have more chances to find a mate just living out there. Join interest clubs. Attend events. Socialize a bit more. That way your chances are thousand times higher than on these apps.

I was "in the dating pool" from ages 13 to 23 and then I met my now wife. One thing I've noticed, throughout cultures and ages, is that beautiful women will easily fall madly in love with a man who's responsible, emotionally stable (at least relatively), secure in their decision making, comforting and funny, even in the absence of big money/attractiveness.

I've never had luck dating, I seemed to attract messy alcoholic women where I could tell why they were single. Not that I'm without fault as a person, but that's who I met with online dating in my 30s.

I've had heaps of luck getting together with women I've known for a year+ through hobbies and interest groups where we got to spend time together getting to know each other without the pressures of judging each other as a pre-partner.

No woman ever wanted me. I don't blame them. I'm a perpetual loser.