this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] LeFrog@discuss.tchncs.de 131 points 6 days ago (8 children)

0.3 away

Away what? Apples? Eggs?

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 75 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

.3 of a delivery, duh.

As in, they were .7 of the way done when they crashed.

[–] REDACTED 36 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Most well universally known measurement system is likely light years, so probably that

[–] mech@feddit.org 20 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The SI base unit for length is the meter, so they crashed 30cm (12 inches) away from you.

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[–] Babalugats@feddit.uk 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Seeing as everything else in the notification seems to be about money, I'm guessing 0.3 dollars.

Surprised they didn't suggest getting another delivery driver for half price to bring it the rest of the way.

[–] ultrahamster64@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago

You can send flowers to the hospital room tho

[–] diemartin@sh.itjust.works 9 points 5 days ago

I accidentally 0.3 away. Is this dangerous?

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago (6 children)
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[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 1 points 3 days ago
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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 108 points 6 days ago (6 children)

Is this a late stage capitalism?

👨 🫴🦋

[–] Rooster326@programming.dev 25 points 5 days ago (1 children)

No lats stage would have you, the person whom ordered the food, responsible for the gig workers hospital stay - as you are their employer.

[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 30 points 5 days ago

Click here to begin crowdfunding your dasher's ER visit.

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[–] Rcklsabndn@sh.itjust.works 31 points 5 days ago

It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.

[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today 58 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?

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[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 60 points 6 days ago (5 children)
[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 130 points 6 days ago (2 children)

The real nightmare is you can't even tell anymore.

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 26 points 6 days ago

my exact feelings, I am more horrified at the fact that I am still not sure if this is fake or not (without actual fact checking ofcourse)

[–] randomblock1@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It had me until the flower button. Doordash would never

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[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It may be the one dude that does nothing but come up with dystopian UIs

[–] r00ty@kbin.life 14 points 5 days ago

Dystopian? Or just the beta version?

[–] night_petal@piefed.social 13 points 6 days ago (2 children)

This particular image may be, but this is a real thing that happens of the dasher is in a wreck while completing your order.

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[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 9 points 5 days ago

It was. But now, if the idea makes it to the right executive...

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[–] Alberat@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

the dasher delivering your flowers to the previous dasher's hospital room, has gotten into an accident

[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 43 points 5 days ago

"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 28 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR's hOsPiTaL rOoM" 💀

[–] doenerpate@feddit.org 7 points 5 days ago (2 children)

this isn’t real right? lol

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago

"your Dasher has died in a collision but here's a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage"

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 41 points 6 days ago (2 children)

"Would you like to call an UberAmbulance?"

[–] brap@lemmy.world 16 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] eah@programming.dev 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Oopsie woopsie. It wooks wike your uwu dwiwu was in a wiwwy bad caw cwash. Would you wike to caw an ambuwance?

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[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 5 days ago (9 children)

0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I'm not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 5 days ago

bloody pizza

It said it might be damaged. We don't know how bad the accident was and how much blood was involved

[–] TeddE@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

If you can't be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.

(/s, obviously)

[–] Rubanski@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 5 days ago

Obviously nautical miles

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[–] tomiant@piefed.social 16 points 5 days ago

"Oh my god is he ok?"

"Yes your food is 50% ok!"

[–] MeatPilot@sh.itjust.works 29 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Sir you can't be on this side of the police tape. Are you are related to the deceased?

No, but I'm just going to snag my Mickey Donalds right quick and I'll be out of your way.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 16 points 5 days ago

I hate capitalism.

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 5 days ago (3 children)

I wonder what % of people seeing this think it's real? People really gotta keep an eye on the community and understand what shitposting means

[–] Ontimp@feddit.org 5 points 5 days ago

Honestly, online service platforms have come up with so many odd and manipulated behavioural patterns they shove down their customers' throat as long as it makes them money...

If an A/B test actually showed that offering to pick up your food from a traffic accident site led to better customer satisfaction outcomes than just cancelling the order I seem them doing this 100%

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I mean, I saw the community, yet I had to think of it.

It's “nottheonion” adjacent.

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[–] Taldan@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident

The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 9 points 5 days ago

Probably hit a fairground carousel

[–] AlphaOmega@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

At least there's still a chance for profit, just got to sell some flowers

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[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

Needs instructions for in person pickup.

"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."

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