this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2026

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176

My therapist says she might have to report my abusive family to the authorities. How do I avoid being reported so the cops don't show up and make everything worse? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

90 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I (23M) started therapy today, hooray!

Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother's (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities.

I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it's the middle of winter, so not a great start.

I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I'm scared of leaving this dump (not to mention, I have disabilities now that make that difficult). How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present?

Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty "fuck you" problem and therapy is just for "I feel sad sometimes" problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?

What are your experiences with mandated reporting, and how do you avoid triggering it?

(page 2) 42 comments

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[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh I totally get this.

I'm in an immigrant family and I just never felt safe to "report abuse", especially during the first 5 years in the US... I was a non-citizen and I just feared deportstion... I did not like China from my memory...

I mean my mom just instilled the fear of CPS onto me, plus I felt very "foreign", just couldn't trust anyone... so none of my teachers really knew the true extent of what happens at home, I never told them.

Now I go downstairs and feel my heart tremble... despite my mom repeatedly telling me "how much she loves me", I just never really feel safe.

My older brother made me run away from home when I was in China...

When I was in Philly, I ran away from home again, again because of my brother.

Both times I just ran to my mother. She was my best protector, simultaneously she's also my abuser.

I love my mother, and I also hate my mother. But I also need her approval. Idk wtf is wrong with my brain...

Even now with citizenship, I'm TERRIFIED of venturing out in the world... I don't know how to like... "survive" do basic "adult" stuff... I feel scared when I go outside by myself. I don't even feel like anyone can really help me.

I'm just alone.

In China, police don't do shit about domestic violence, it's just "private matters", nobody ever involves police.

So this sentiment followed us here.

Also like... I doubt white cops even give a shit about us minorities, we'll all just get shot to death.

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 2 points 1 week ago

Loving an abusive mother is a very natural response. Children need their carers, so the brain has an evolutionary response to seek comfort from those carers. When carers are unreliable or abusive, those attachment patterns become disordered. Your attachment pattern sounds anxious-ambivalent, but the anxious-avoidant pattern of not loving your parents is also a cause of problems. So it's not your fault and it's not a broken response to your situation. It's a broken situation.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I agree with the other guy that said the therapist hinted heavily at what she has to report. Don't tell her what she has to report.

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Therapists help you understand and contextualize your emotions so that you can choose differently ways of handling them. Are you confused or struggling with your emotions? Mate, you're under existential threat with no clear way out. The best therapist couldn't cheer up a prisoner in Auschwitz.

I feel for you and the situation you're in, but I kinda feel like you're not the problem here. Maybe you are. Maybe you have ways out that you're too anxious to take or something, and therapy might help with that. But you describe a fairly bleak scenario with a sword of Damocles over your neck. Your therapist can't fix your disability and they can't teach you to fix your brother.

I'm hoping for a good outcome for you.

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Therapists can help manage many disabilities including autism, OCD, addiction, mood disorders, psychosis, personality disorders, PTSD, and so on.

[–] MagicShel@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Occupational therapy, very much so. Based on the context this sounds more like psychotherapy. Perhaps I'm misreading that though.

[–] venusaur@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Look up what is required of a mandated reporter and then decide if you can have sessions within those boundaries. It’s there to keep you safe and therapists have to protect themselves in the event something does happen. Homeless vs. hurt or dead. Might be worth asking for a reference to a social worker who can help you find a place to live. You’ve lived in this family for a long time so it seems normal to you and you love them and want to protect them, but violence is not normal and should not be tolerated for the sake of “the family”.

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone -2 points 1 week ago (9 children)

You're a grown adult. What's stopping you from getting the hell out of there?

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