Anderson said he had weapons in his bag, and inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter, according to the criminal complaint.
this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2026
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NOT A PIZZA CUTTER
It's because Luigi is of Italian descent.
I’d much rather fight someone armed with a pizza cutter than nothing at all because, what kind of a stupid ass brings a pizza cutter to a fight? That’s a crappy fighter right there.
Or he is so elite that he is using techniques that you cannot even comprehend.
You know what they say, don't bring Parmesan to a pizza cutter fight.
Depends on the pizza cutter I guess. The rolling ones, for sure, but the long heavy blade ones that you rock to cut the pizza? That could do some damage.
You can sharpen the round ones.
I was bored so I sharpened one of mine a few years ago… honestly it was a very dangerous game changer
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The only possible way this scenario could be improved is if the would-be jailbreaker was named Mario
That's gotta be part of a bit. That's about as useless a weapon or tool as you can get.
Slice n dice!
you haven't seen what damage it can do!If you get that pizza cutter rotating at about 1500 RPM it could be quite dangerous.
Then again, if you manage that, you're probably Donatello from TMNT 🤷
The fool. Everyone knows prison bars are made of overcooked lasagna.
Did he think he was busting him out of Flavortown Jail?
The barbecue fork is gonna up the severity on this one. Why couldn’t he have just taken a regular fork?
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"Weapons"
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Luigi needs news time, but this is silly.
Wrong....
All publicity is good publicity.... especially for our boy Luigi
Impersonating an asshole is a crime now?
I don't know if that's an actual quote, but I read it in Dean's voice regardless.
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It's a me Mario I make a you a pizza.
Stories like this are so funny in juxtaposition to what I've been reading. I recently got into Arsène Lupin stories from the early 1900s (praise be royalty free) and it's full of fanciful jail breaks and such. Where's the impersonation of a real person? Where's the accomplices sending messages in code? False fingers full of money? No, we get Mr. Pizza cutter. Clearly not a gentleman burglar.
Also, L.M. is the initials of a big bad in one of the stories, lol.
ooo, have a good place to start? i enjoyed the netflix and have been thinking about binging the anime, but i might have the attention span for the book in a month or so
https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6133
The very first book, in all its public domain glory.
Do note that the anime is about Lupin III, which is canonically the grandson of Arsène Lupin.
Absolute fuckin Chad move, honestly 🫡
The only good FBI agent 
Armed to the teeth, mama mia!
I’m still waiting for the ~~defence~~ prosecution to fuck this up so that he gets to go home free, and maybe can sue them for slander after.
The prosecution?
Oh god yes that’s what I mean
Hopefully they fuck up as badly as you just did 😁
What a shame, they could have done great things together.
I'm not saying I condone anything here but.. seems that guy's biggest mistake was going at it alone - i feel like asking the right folks he could have showed up with a whole contingent of "FBI" agents, convincing badges, a cover story, a black van and properly forged transfer documents! 😂
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Minnesota Man is the new, improved Florida Man.
Give that man a medal!
Chaotic good vs lawful evil?
A Minnesota man:
“Luigi, come with me, we need you!”
Is there a place I can donate to his legal fund?
I, too, am somewhat of FBI myself.
I'm Fabulous, Beautiful, Intelligent.
Is it illegal to say that that person should NOT do that alone?
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