My old boss used to make similar comments about missing out on his daughter's life and then he'd look at me and tell me that's the price of being good at this job. It was on that day that I decided to not be good at my job.
this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2026
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Thatโs the kind of hypocrisy that would make me say something extremely blunt to that person. I canโt stand shit like that.
By working late it's not just the kids that are getting harmed but any co-workers.
Had a colleague that used to work late and through his lunch, eventually the manager approached him and told him to stop. The guy said if he didn't do it the work would pile up. The manager told him that by working overtime he was making it look like the current team headcount was sufficient and that he couldn't get evidence there weren't enough people to meet demand. Guy stopped doing unpaid overtime and after a couple of months there was a new member of the team to ease the workload.
I used to have a manager like that...
One time he came in a bit early and commented how early everyone else was getting in (like 15 minutes or so). Then a colleague said that actually, he never left from the day before. Note he was exempt from overtime, so no budget issues.
Anyway, so my job that morning was to follow my boss driving my colleague's car to my colleague's house (didn't trust his driving after that much awake time) and driving the manager back. The manager also took the guys badge and said he would drop off the badge in two days and the guy needed to take time for himself.
Pretty sure every manager since that one wouldn't have given a damn.
I would absolutely trash my subordinates for pulling that shit.
It's not even about their health or whatever, it's just straight up illegal and I could get in so much trouble for allowing it or not putting an end to it. Also because it's dumb, don't do that.
In my jurisdiction and industry, 24 hour or even the 32 hour shift he was aiming for would be legal, and his fixed salary wouldn't even pay him any differently for the overage.
So in this case, he had no legal or business obligation to intervene and especially not to drive him home. So sad as it is, it was truly above and beyond by the standards here.
By far that colleague was the biggest workaholic I've ever seen, distant second place going to a guy that would routinely stay 2 hours late. Thankfully most people cut things at 40 hours or less, except maybe once or twice a year due some business emergency.
Meanwhile in my company our department was told we need to work overtime to prove we need one more person to do the workload. Lol. Lmao even. Unfortunately, one of us is a workaholic and does exactly that.ย
Insert it's a trap gif here
Depends on the quality and culture of where you work.
I did unpaid overtime for a while in my old job, because I knew full well no one was going to be hired and I was the team's supervisor. It was up to me to figure out how to make it all work.
I mean, it really depends on what the job is. A friend of mine is a pulmonary surgeon and he's worked a few late nights precisely because he wanted someone else to get to go home to their kids.
I do think the work culture in western countries has a habit of losing sight of what real labor is supposed to accomplish. It shouldn't just be a grind. It doesn't have to just be about maximizing profit. You can do work to make your corner of the world a better place. And you can be enthusiastic about your job such that - 20 years from now - your kids will remember what you did fondly even if you weren't by their side as often as you'd like.
FFS, in a truly good and proper society, they'd be by your side because we wouldn't be tediously segregating the working world from the living world. Anyone know why every office building and work site doesn't have a daycare built in?
At my work, if we work late we are forced to take the time back elsewhere. It gives the slack to deal with critical matters but without the toxic assumption that you must therefore miss out on your life.
Are you hiring?
I ain't doxxing myself, sorry
A few late nights here and there is perfectly fine! Heck, even my wife stayed a little late at the zoo sometimes to get stuff done. The main point of the post is glorifying overworking vs necessary overworking. Itโs sometimes โnecessaryโ in software to work a few late nights, but it should be FAR from the norm. Hell, my old manager used to let us order DoorDash on the company dime if we had to work a few hours on a weekend to meet a deadline. I got fancy sushi!
I cannot think of a single time a software project requires any of that.
There is a insanely vast gap between the handful of jobs whose output literally save lives and grinding on a software project to hit a deadline. You've literally described the work ethic the post is cautioning against.
Iโm saying meeting deadlines promised that canโt be pushed back, like you have to present at a conference or something. Sure, you or your manager shouldโve planned better. But at least in my job when we โhaveโ to work nights or weekends we get time off otherwise. We also have oncall rotations that need to have intervention at night if a dependency breaks or something.
Deadlines can always be set with reasonable timeframe, and despite what they tell you they can always be pushed back
Someone dying on the OR table cannot.
A child who needs food cannot.
A burning building cannot wait.
the screener removed the dates because 1973 was the inflection capitalists decided to steal from you more than what you yield:
And even b4 that, they were stealing from you.
I had a boss - he was one of those manic genius people who can do twice as much as others, he was in before us, left after us, did way more than anyone ought to. And when he went home still didn't stop, was always learning to play guitar or to cook, learning a language, doing marathon training, I don't think he slept much. He would also keep giving you more work until you said no - he literally said "you have to tell me when it's too much, don't say yes if you cannot handle it." Everyone else seemed to take it like a challenge, burned out, we had turnover. I took him at his word, did what I could do well, took my PTO, one late day a week, otherwise left on time.
Always he rated me highly in reviews for "managing work-life balance." He didn't really expect everyone to be like him, and his work habits cost him his a marriage, nobody SHOULD work like that even if they can, it's not a human pace. We need time to do nothing, unstructured time.
My kids understand when I have a busy month, I almost always come home and make supper and hang out, so when I can't they know it's not an ongoing situation.
But really even if you don't have kids, don't make work your life.
They missed these things to become managers and bosses. The nominal increase in pay was so that they could secure a decent retirement and put their kids through college. One day, they hope their kids can do the same while at the same time telling them they shouldn't.
Was it worth it? I don't know, but it's not as easy as the meme makes it sound.
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you coming home daddy, don't know when
Having a boss that tells you that is a privilege!
No
Having a boss that lets you go home on time, or early, so you don't repeat his mistakes is a privilege.
The boss could say all this, and still demand impossible deadlines. Mine did.
True that.
I can't even tell you whyย
They were probably well off because for most the answer would be "uhhnmm, money??"
That's capitalism everyone.
must be nice to have people who care if you work too long
True. Failing that, you should at least care if you work too long.
โNow, excuse me while I take a call from the real estate management company which I have renting out my twenty-one rental properties to fund my next trip to Las Vegas.โ
The way I heard it was that no one has ever lied on their deathbed wishing they'd worked harder.
Says people with a deathbed!